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Comments
"She is a human, a slender girl of medium height. Curly nut-brown hair falls in a long braid behind her pleasant face. Wide, innocent blue eyes sit atop a button nose, covered in freckles. Her smile is wide and winsome."
Your description is pretty good though, I like it.
He is a mhun. He is invisible. Go away.
The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."
(Clan): Ictinus says, "Stop it Jiraishin, you're making me like you."
The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."
(Clan): Ictinus says, "Stop it Jiraishin, you're making me like you."
I've put this in as my new description following Reasons™ and IC Things™, but something about it still feels a bit off. Maybe it's the grammar, or the pacing, or something. Any suggestions for adjustments for it to read a bit more neatly? I'm usually good with this stuff but IRL things have me all jumbled ATM.
Also, with a certain artefact on, it auto-adjusts to this:
Any suggestions on this variant, in turn? Legitimately trying to make myself look a bit neater/more easily readable etc. Thank you.
The second sentence doesn't read as well as the rest of your description. You could change it to, say:
The roots have begun to take an argent shade, a sign of aging not reflected elsewhere on her.
Hi. I just want to say, thank you for your response. 💖 You're quite right in the readability of that sentence, as considered on waking. I'll set about modifying it, and the wings, with your suggestions. Thank you.
+ , whose sunny-blonde hair cascades down the sides of her face in a manner halfway between elegant and childish, threatening to catch at her neck or flit down to cover her steely-blue gaze with every turn or motion of her head. The roots of her locks have begun to take an argent shade, a sign of ageing not yet reflected elsewhere on her. Her skin is like a dusty peach, and faint scars of varying origins trace her arms - some burns, some cuts, and so on. Broad, once-golden wings spread proudly behind her back, their edges charred a copper-maroon, and in some places the entire surface has even darkened to near-black. Though fuliginous, they seem mostly whole and unharmed, each feather meticulously preened with only the outer layer showing tangible physical damage.
+ , whose sunny-blonde hair cascades down the sides of her face in a manner halfway between elegant and childish, threatening to catch at her neck or flit down to cover her steely-blue gaze with every turn or motion of her head. The roots of her locks have begun to take an argent shade, a sign of ageing not yet reflected elsewhere on her. Her skin is like a dusty peach, and faint scars of varying origins trace her arms - some burns, some cuts, and so on. Broad wings flick from her back, rendered translucent by gossamer enchanted fabric that makes them seem like the wings of a common fairy. However, a smoky umber is noted at the edges the gossamer does not coat, unspoken evidence of some long-past burning.
The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."
(Clan): Ictinus says, "Stop it Jiraishin, you're making me like you."
I'll do some cursory googling and give a shot at reworking the descs. Thank you for the heads up!
The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."
(Clan): Ictinus says, "Stop it Jiraishin, you're making me like you."
It's all fun and games until your IC girlfriend is 6'10" or 4'2". Let me know if anything looks weird, I made this description once and never really looked at it again, save to add a scar every 400 or so deaths.
Aegis, God of War says, "You are dismissed from My demense, Astarod. Go forth and fight well. Bleed fiercely, and climb the purpose you have sought to chase for."
Aegis, God of War says, "You are dismissed from My demense, Astarod. Go forth and fight well. Bleed fiercely, and climb the purpose you have sought to chase for."
Results of disembowel testing | Knight limb counter | GMCP AB files
"She is wearing:
a black rose"
For all anyone knows, my character could have the rose pinned to the front of her dress. She could have it in her hair. With some characters, the rose might even be shoved somewhere particularly uncomfortable. There is no way the reader will be able to tell, unless it is in your description.
She is a beautiful siren, evinced by the enigmatically beguiling allure of her presence and immutability of her youthful pulchritude. Bounteous raven ringlets spill over narrow shoulders like smooth spirals of velvet and gossamer, and tumble down her back to dance around her exiguous waist - their unbound cascade luxuriantly leonine. The sleek curls that border the petite roundness of her face form an endearing frame that accentuates the fine line of her slim jaw and smooth curves of her cheeks, a small part above the left side of her brow. Angelical, her physiognomy is one exquisitely sculpted of alabaster, the fragility of which is naught but an exemplification of the marble-like definition of her subtly vulpine features. Arched by the elegantly curved slimness of her eyebrows, gently tilted, great almond eyes shine a rich, crystalline sapphire, their unwavering clarity redolent of oceanic intensity. The irises' serene limpidity encompasses rings of aurulent effulgence, molten pools of liquid sunlight that are lent further radiance by the abyssal inkiness of the pupils at their centres. The mesmeric gaze is framed by the feathery extense of her lashes, the full fringe subtly curling at its satiny tips. Swept into by gracefully arching cheekbones, a button nose rests above heart-shaped lips of luxurious carmine, their velvet rosiness paired with the natural incarnadine brushed across each cheek; moonlit porcelain, the petal soft, delicate silk of her creamy skin is enriched by that vivid juxtaposition. Sinuously sculpted limbs are well-proportioned to her diminutive stature - this, little hands and feet, and exceeding daintiness lend to her elfin finesse and appeal. Fine-boned and slim, her svelte physique is a slight slip, angular delicacy softened with gorgeously ripe femininity; supple and elegant, her delineated curves culminate in a lush hourglass of lissome grace. Pearlescent and barely raised, the intricate lines of a seven-spoked escarbuncle brand her left palm.
I'm looking to significantly condense this, while retaining the same meaning minus all the purple prose. I'd really like to make the writing style cleaner and purer, and could use tips!
You shone like the sun.
Shine on, you crazy diamond.
But.. I suck at descriptions so..
The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."
(Clan): Ictinus says, "Stop it Jiraishin, you're making me like you."
Not sure it's 'veered hard into' and moreso 'completely demolished the wall separating it'