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Descriptions Wanted 1.0

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  • ArmaliArmali Member, Secret Squirrel Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭✭✭ - Grand Achaean
    @Jiraishin
    What's general policy on using parenthesis in this sort of writing?

    For example:

    He had red hair, parted to the left, that was long and curly.
    vs.
    He had red hair (parted to the left) that was long and curly.
  • DupreDupre M.Member Posts: 288 ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    edited February 2
    You absolutely do not use parentheses for adding a minor, closely related details. Parentheses are meant to break up the flow of a sentence and draw attention to an aside, comment, or explanation that isn't directly related to the content of that sentence

    He had red hair, parted to the left, that was long and curly.
    He had red hair (Sartan dyed it with the blood of His enemies) that was long and curly.
    He had red hair (does it smell like blood to you?) that was long and curly.

    IMO there are few instances where a description can use parentheses without sounding douchey or dumb
    https://www.achaea.com/banner/caiges.jpg
  • JiraishinJiraishin trapped in a thawing block of iceMember Posts: 1,658 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Armali said:
    @Jiraishin
    What's general policy on using parenthesis in this sort of writing?

    For example:

    He had red hair, parted to the left, that was long and curly.
    vs.
    He had red hair (parted to the left) that was long and curly.
    Don't use them.
    ________________________
    The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."
  • CaelanCaelan Member Posts: 1,507 @ - Epic Achaean
    edited February 3
    Dupre said:
    You absolutely do not use parentheses for adding a minor, closely related details. Parentheses are meant to break up (the flow of) a sentence and draw attention (to an aside), ((comment), or explanation) that isn't directly related to the content (of that sentence)
    Use them liberally is the only rule.  Go big or go home.

  • VenmaraVenmara Member Posts: 19 ✭✭ - Stalwart
    Pyori said:
    Pyori and Elisella are both xoran (formerly human). Amunet's a human (I think?), as is Keorin. Shirszae's an atavian. Jemisha's a troll... To be honest, lately I've seen a lot more non-sirens than sirens. Not just in Ashtan... Though it doesn't stop them having the figure of a siren >.>
    Keorin's an atavian too, I think it just does not get mentioned much... And I have a sneaky feeling I'm the Troll Kraetos spoke to.
    I have noticed there being not a great deal of Trolls, female or otherwise (I can name Jemisha and Morn for certain, but nobody beyond)

    But I agree with the point, it's just him. Especially given the number of Rajamalan and Atavian I see in Cyrene.
    UrokShirszae
  • KlendathuKlendathu Eye of the StormMember Posts: 3,171 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    ... is a siren and has ( . )( . ) ? @Caelan

    Tharos, the Announcer of Delos shouts, "It's near the end of the egghunt and I still haven't figured out how to pronounce Clean-dat-hoo."
    CaelanVender
  • FinchyFinchy Member Posts: 142 ✭✭✭✭ - Eminent
    edited February 4
    Venmara said:

    But I agree with the point, it's just him. Especially given the number of Rajamalan and Atavian I see in Cyrene.
    Hey I was Atavian entirely for land-tax evasion purposes, then I fell for the Humanity meme because I didn't think wings and rigging was a good combo. 
    EDIT: Seriously I hate walking in the wilderness now. 

  • JiraishinJiraishin trapped in a thawing block of iceMember Posts: 1,658 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Jir before the masked ball:

    He is a mhun of average height. Lean of frame, he moves with swift economy, his manner guarded and his grey eyes constantly assessing his surroundings. Short-cropped dark hair frames a thin, bronze-skinned face: his features, though surprisingly youthful, are lined by hardship and bitter experience. His lips are scarred in several places by a sharp edge, and a thin blade scar traces down one cheekbone.


    Jir during the masked ball:

    He is a mhun of average height, with bronze skin and short-cropped dark hair. Lean of frame, he moves with swift economy, his manner guarded and his grey eyes constantly assessing his surroundings from behind the impassive countenance of an eerily mirrored mask.

    Jir after the masked ball:

    He is a mhun of average height, bronze-skinned and lean. He moves with swift economy, his manner guarded and his grey eyes constantly assessing his surroundings; his short-cropped, dark hair frames a thin, surprisingly youthful face, its features lined by hardship and bitter experience rather than age. His lips are scarred in several places by a sharp edge, and a thin blade scar traces down one cheekbone.
    Is the before or after version better?
    ________________________
    The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."
    Finchy
  • FinchyFinchy Member Posts: 142 ✭✭✭✭ - Eminent
    edited March 22
    Jiraishin said:
    Jir before the masked ball:

    He is a mhun of average height. Lean of frame, he moves with swift economy, his manner guarded and his grey eyes constantly assessing his surroundings. Short-cropped dark hair frames a thin, bronze-skinned face: his features, though surprisingly youthful, are lined by hardship and bitter experience. His lips are scarred in several places by a sharp edge, and a thin blade scar traces down one cheekbone.


    Jir during the masked ball:

    He is a mhun of average height, with bronze skin and short-cropped dark hair. Lean of frame, he moves with swift economy, his manner guarded and his grey eyes constantly assessing his surroundings from behind the impassive countenance of an eerily mirrored mask.

    Jir after the masked ball:

    He is a mhun of average height, bronze-skinned and lean. He moves with swift economy, his manner guarded and his grey eyes constantly assessing his surroundings; his short-cropped, dark hair frames a thin, surprisingly youthful face, its features lined by hardship and bitter experience rather than age. His lips are scarred in several places by a sharp edge, and a thin blade scar traces down one cheekbone.
    Is the before or after version better?
    Hold on is this for that CIJ masquerade thing. DID THOSE ASSHOLES GIVE FINCHY A FAKE CANCELLATION? 

    I like "Swift economy" almost as much as I like temporary changes to descriptions that reflect a current piece of clothing or recent incident. I prefer after. 


  • IliraIlira Member Posts: 11
    Does a dainty build explicitly denote a small stature? I'd assume a character to be pretty short if that were in their description, but I have received varied feedback thus far.
  • JiraishinJiraishin trapped in a thawing block of iceMember Posts: 1,658 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Ilira said:
    Does a dainty build explicitly denote a small stature? I'd assume a character to be pretty short if that were in their description, but I have received varied feedback thus far.
    Not necessarily, but most people would assume so. They could just be fine-boned and of average height, but most people would visualize them as small.
    ________________________
    The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."
    Ilira
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