Descriptions Wanted 1.0

Pyori · January 30

Jiraishin said:

Pyori said:

Jiraishin said:

Probably because IRL waist length hair takes a ton of effort to maintain

That's exactly my reason for bringing it up. It's as if people don't realise it. >.>

To be fair everyone wears the same clothes for years without washing them, getting your head chopped off doesn't get your outfit bloody or ripped (unless you want it to), everyone wears armor everywhere, and weapons go from structurally sound to crumbling into dust from one day to the next. So even if people do realize it, they might reasonably just decide to handwave it.

Correct. Doesn't mean you can't point out something that's overdone and silly, though. Kinda like (courtesy of @Skye again)

Tahquil · January 30

There was a theory I never fleshed out in game properly as an alchemist that we are totally malleable vessels shaped by the ingrained notions of what our unique experience should make us look like. That's why you can get nearly disembowelled 20 times a day and have a perfectly flat stomach yet that one time a bear clawed your face when you were 16 was so impactful to you it left scars. Why you can break and mend your leg 4 times in a row with mending or restoring you limbs but it will remain broken during rituals. It went a long way into explaining why our bodies can bounce back so easily for traumatic injury (even death) without marks yet trivial things can leave lasting scars that follow us through life.

A lot of it was based on homunculi and how they are so malformed and also touched on the empty vessels alchemists kept of themselves to cheat death. In a meta sense it would also explain how characters evolve their look over their years, maybe a change to hair colour, eye shape etc because of the whims of the player. An event that may have been important in the past could have little relevance to their character's outlook now. Tahquil did some shitty little experiments on herself and her vessel during her alchemist days in this vein of study leaning towards setting basic changes to herself, like her hair length when she reformed or reentered her vessel.

But really to keep it with the norm of growths, Tahquil's got shitty short hair as she cuts it with a dagger if it gets long. As if she's going to go to another sentient being and be like, "yo, give me a trim."

Jiraishin · January 30

Waist length hair is not particularly ridiculous, though, was my point.

Pyori · January 30

Jiraishin said:

Waist length hair is not particularly ridiculous, though, was my point.

It is when every other person you see has it. Hence meme status.

Ilira · January 30

@Pyori
I mean, perhaps waist-length hair has just become a cultural norm. And @Jiraishin has a good point. Long hair is hardly an impracticality in the Achaean world, when compared to what an adventurer does on a monthly basis. Regardless, I don't find waist-length hair to be silly at all, overused or not. You also mentioned the excessive use of almond-shaped eyes, which might be a mere commonality as well. They're pretty normal in real life, from what I know.

Dupre · January 30

The game's official art is also dominated with waist or even ankle length hair for females

Jiraishin · January 31

Ugh, don't get me started on the depiction of women in a lot of the game art.

@Pyori Yeah, I think we were talking past each other. I agree that waist-length hair is overused, though not nearly as much as a lot of other Achaean memes. I just don't think there should be any expectation that people think about how hard it is to maintain, which one of your replies seemed to suggest.

Almond-shaped eyes I don't think is a problem at all. Lots and lots of people have almond-shaped eyes IRL.

Also, for what it's worth... I used to actually have waist-length hair. Cut off 14 inches for Locks for Love at one point and still had hair well past my shoulders.

Pyori · January 31

Jiraishin said:

though not nearly as much as a lot of other Achaean memes.

You should visit Cyrene sometime. Lush lips, perky breasts, almond eyes and waist-length hair on every other female char there.

Jiraishin · January 31

I try not to visit Cyrene.

Skye · January 31

Closing your eyes to the fact doesn't make it disappear!

/summoned by the tag

Jiraishin · January 31

Well, it's still true that almond-shaped eyes and waist-length hair are both less overused and less objectionable --even if the latter is extremely common in one city-- than the ubiquitous lush lips, perky breasts, and stygian anything.

And hey. If half the women in Cyrene have waist-length hair, maybe it -is- cultural.

Amunet · January 31

I have seen so many perky breasts since coming back that I am starting to wonder if Buul now performs boob jobs.

Urok · January 31

He stands a hulking eight feet tall, His body is toned and muscular, His skin looks thick and almost leather-like with a dark grey coloured hue covering it. He has yellow-gold coloured eyes and has a pair of medium sized tusk like teeth protruding from his mouth. His hair is shaven clean off leaving a smooth scalp showing.

-should flesh this out a bit more at some stage.

Jiraishin · January 31

"Coloured hue" is redundant. Cut to just 'hue'.

Klendathu · January 31

You might also want to consider varying your sentence structure. The current description reads almost like a check-list, every sentence starts with either "his" or "he".

Antonius · January 31

You're also not a God, so His and He aren't appropriate if they're not at the start of a sentence. They should be lower-case, so his and he.

Minifie · January 31

Urok said:

He stands a hulking eight feet tall, His body is toned and muscular, His skin looks thick and almost leather-like with a dark grey coloured hue covering it. He has yellow-gold coloured eyes and has a pair of medium sized tusk like teeth protruding from his mouth. His hair is shaven clean off leaving a smooth scalp showing.

-should flesh this out a bit more at some stage.

He stands at near eight feet in height, with a toned physique to match his racial stature. Akin to that of leather, his body is covered in durable dark grey skin, (lacking in any discernable blemishes)/(roughed and worn from [living conditions if any]). Meticulous grooming leaves no hair upon his face or scalp, excepting two thick tufts of hair above amber eyes, as well as a pair of pristine tusks protruding from his mouth.

A lot of this can be altered to what you fancy, but (only a personal rule) always avoid any words that force how the read should feel. “Impressive” tusks wouldn’t work, because I may think they are rather mediocre, tiny or even vile. I think I have to fix a few from my own descriptions too, mostly because I am pretty mediocre designer.

Urok · January 31

Minifie said:

Urok said:

He stands a hulking eight feet tall, His body is toned and muscular, His skin looks thick and almost leather-like with a dark grey coloured hue covering it. He has yellow-gold coloured eyes and has a pair of medium sized tusk like teeth protruding from his mouth. His hair is shaven clean off leaving a smooth scalp showing.

-should flesh this out a bit more at some stage.

He stands at near eight feet in height, with a toned physique to match his racial stature. Akin to that of leather, his body is covered in durable dark grey skin, (lacking in any discernable blemishes)/(roughed and worn from [living conditions if any]). Meticulous grooming leaves no hair upon his face or scalp, excepting two thick tufts of hair above amber eyes, as well as a pair of pristine tusks protruding from his mouth.

A lot of this can be altered to what you fancy, but (only a personal rule) always avoid any words that force how the read should feel. “Impressive” tusks wouldn’t work, because I may think they are rather mediocre, tiny or even vile. I think I have to fix a few from my own descriptions too, mostly because I am pretty mediocre designer.

Thanks for this, it helps a lot.

Dupre · January 31

Minifie said:
always avoid any words that force how the read should feel. “Impressive” tusks wouldn’t work, because I may think they are rather mediocre, tiny or even vile.

This is a contradictory as any adjective can be argued down to personal opinion

"Impressive tusks" is fine
"You are impressed by his tusks"is not

Minifie · January 31

Dupre said:

Minifie said:
always avoid any words that force how the read should feel. “Impressive” tusks wouldn’t work, because I may think they are rather mediocre, tiny or even vile.

This is a contradictory as any adjective can be argued down to personal opinion

"Impressive tusks" is fine
"You are impressed by his tusks"is not

Impressive: evoking admiration through size, quality, or skill; grand, imposing, or awesome

To have impressive tusks means they leave an impression on you, to describe them as such means that anyone who sees them is impressed by them. Calling your own tusks “impressive” doesn’t describe them, it describes how they are seen by others. Sizeable, large, strong... Using adjectives that require the reader to act or forces emotion on them in a certain way is lazy descriptive writing IMO.

Dupre · January 31

By default any adjective in your description is forcing an opinion on others, since it's how they see you not how you see yourself. Such is unavoidable

Whether an 'alluring' and 'seductive' siren. Or 'luscious' curls. Or 'beautiful' skin.

Or even a 'white and gold' (or 'black and blue', even colours can be opined) dress.

Nothing in a description is objective

Kraetos · January 31

Is it just me or is every female a siren? I'm not complaining, I love the idea of Kraetos sitting on a bench surrounded by sirens. But it's rare to see a female troll or a dwarf. I only say this cause I saw one today, and had a nice long chat with her. While surrounded by sirens, of course.

Jiraishin · January 31

Kraetos said:

Is it just me or is every female a siren? I'm not complaining, I love the idea of Kraetos sitting on a bench surrounded by sirens. But it's rare to see a female troll or a dwarf. I only say this cause I saw one today, and had a nice long chat with her. While surrounded by sirens, of course.

It's just you.
Though I dunno, maybe it also varies by city. Targossas has a ton of xorans and atavians compared to what I remember elsewhere, for instance. To give you an idea, the female characters I regularly interact with are:

Farrah - xoran
Lii - tsol'aa (was dwarf till like... a week ago)
Aeryea - atavian
Alasiel - atavian
Ygia - atavian
Avianca - tsol'aa
Iloisee - mhun
Gralnys - human
Nakhra - siren

You get the idea.

Pyori · January 31

Pyori and Elisella are both xoran (formerly human). Amunet's a human (I think?), as is Keorin. Shirszae's an atavian. Jemisha's a troll... To be honest, lately I've seen a lot more non-sirens than sirens. Not just in Ashtan... Though it doesn't stop them having the figure of a siren >.>

Amunet · January 31

Pyori said:

Pyori and Elisella are both xoran (formerly human). Amunet's a human (I think?), as is Keorin. Shirszae's an atavian. Jemisha's a troll... To be honest, lately I've seen a lot more non-sirens than sirens. Not just in Ashtan... Though it doesn't stop them having the figure of a siren >.>

Amu is definitely a human...and a bit racist about it, especially in regard to its superiority in the study of ritual Occultism. Get her on the subject, sometime. You'll be in for a hell of a rant, haha.

As for Amu's figure, I have left it mostly ambiguous. She is surprisingly short - I RP her as hovering at or just above five feet, though an exact measurement is never explicitly given. It would be difficult to estimate, given her perfect posture and penchant for heeled shoes. Beyond that, I leave the interpretation of her body up to other people. One person's slim is another person's fat, after all, and I got tired of trying to figure out a way to describe a feminine figure that didn't come off like an unusually classy sexalt. Most people seem to find her attractive (though, that could be the personality, or the power, or some combination of both), but one of Ashtan's resident NPCs calls her "chunky", so it really is a matter of opinion!

I'm currently at work, so I can't log in to copy her description, but I'll post it later.

Tahquil · January 31

You know, through the interactions we had I never pictured Tahquil towering over Amunet in any scenario.

In regards to sirens, it depends heavily on where you hang out.

Jiraishin · January 31

Attractiveness in Achaea seems to have little or nothing to do with physical appearance/description. Jir gets girls crushing on him and he's literally invisible.

Finchy · January 31

My description draft said:

He is a human. A well-weathered and exceptionally pickled example of his race, this man is crooked and bent at rough angles. With bowed legs splayed in an awkward fashion he moves like a puppet manipulated by a drunk admist a fit of catalepsy. Stooped, his neck juts forward and down to bring his body teetering forwards. Crazed ploughmen have been at work upon his countenance, producing a face not so much as mired with wrinkles, scars and a simple eye-patch as constructed, fortified and then preserved in deep furrows and cracked laughter lines. His hair, a mop of salt and-peppered brown is unkempt and slick with grease.

Two minute write-up of a basic concept of trying to describe someone who looks like they permanently live inside a grimy pub. If anyone can find a great and appropriate way of conveying it without breaking pretty much all of the writing guides I am your receptive vessel for critique.

Tahquil said:

In regards to sirens, it depends heavily on where you hang out.

Generally its around the chest but I'm not an expert.

Amunet · January 31

Tahquil said:

You know, through the interactions we had I never pictured Tahquil towering over Amunet in any scenario.

In regards to sirens, it depends heavily on where you hang out.

Have you seen the infamous heels? They bump her up to at least average height, haha. If I remember correctly, Tahquil also has (or had) a bit of a slouch.

The thing about Amu is, she has a grandiose, larger-than-life sort of attitude, so, unless you are particularly observant, or have seen her in certain situations (barefoot at home, trying to reach something on a shelf [this almost ruined an Occultist experiment, at one point]), you probably aren't going to notice. Given how much Amu couldn't stand Tahquil while Tahquil was engaged to Mathonwy, Amu would have hardly shown any weakness - physical, or otherwise - in her presence. If anything, she would have kept sipping levitation, out of spite.

Pyori · January 31

Amunet said:

Pyori said:

Pyori and Elisella are both xoran (formerly human). Amunet's a human (I think?), as is Keorin. Shirszae's an atavian. Jemisha's a troll... To be honest, lately I've seen a lot more non-sirens than sirens. Not just in Ashtan... Though it doesn't stop them having the figure of a siren >.>

Amu is definitely a human...

Don't ask why, for some reason I couldn't remember if it was human or tsol'aa... Really don't know why I thought the latter. I generally give a rough height, never exact, because IRL you can pretty easily guess someone's height just by looking at them. Often times you end up being like 2-3 inches off.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hail, Stranger!

Categories

Descriptions Wanted 1.0

Comments

Hail, Stranger!

Quick Links

Categories

Descriptions Wanted 1.0

Comments