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Comments
"The lines of her olive skin hint at the subtly toned muscles underneath."
"The definition of her olive skin hints at the subtly toned muscles underneath."
I'm not too fond of either, but if I had to choose I'd go with lines. Even though definition works there, it seems like definition goes more with muscles than skin.
.I feel like I'm probably putting way too much thought into this description, but I'm really starting to like my character, and I think one of the best ways to show I'm serious about her is to have a really good description. If that makes any sense. I hope I'm not getting to the point where I'm fiddling with it too much and actually making it worse. Maybe I'll leave it alone for a few days and then come back to it
Archdragon Mizik Corten, Herald of Ruin says, "Man, that was a big axk."
Hellrazor Cain de Soulis, Sartan's Hammer says, "Your [sic] a beast."
And you won't understand the cause of your grief...
...But you'll always follow the voices beneath.
I also generally assume descriptions to be in the present tense, as opposed to past, but that might just be my own hang-up.
She's so pretty.
And you won't understand the cause of your grief...
...But you'll always follow the voices beneath.
She is a beautiful siren whose shoulder-length hair consists of wholesome, crimson-hued and cerise-streaked locks shimmering with vitality. Her piercingly vivid, amethystine eyes radiate a diaphanous aura of fuchsian cast; the wanton mists of ethereal luminance shifting mystically. Despite the sheer, fluctuating miasma surrounding her eyes but never lurking past her ears, each eye's pupil is eerily of a hue rivaling the most elusive of the rare viridian emeralds; the pupils' colour all but shattering the formless haze in front of them. Each movement of the siren's eyelids propels the apparently continuous flow of spectral haze outward, like a short-lived gale in a tranquil desert. XXX's face appears to have been aged only slightly, its apparent physical vitality matching that of a pampered duchess approximately thirty years of age. Her lips are charming, their pigment matching that of each iris' amethystine hue. Despite the youthful anatomy of this elegant siren, her face exudes an air of sagehood. XXX's torso is enchantingly proportioned; her bust amply fills out the garments covering it, while her shoulders and arms are noticeably toned, leaving the impression that she must be quite athletic. Her midsection is worthy of wonder yet is anatomically proportionate to her bust and her lower body; her waistline appearing to be approximately thirty-two inches. Her hips, thighs and calves are evidently quite powerful and supple; an embodiment of feminine agility and strength. Her fingernails are cunningly manicured, trimmed to within about seven millimeters past the tip of the finger or thumb attached to each one. Her nails, organic razors, are pristinely polished with an obsidian, platinum-infused polish; the varnish shimmering a nearly blinding deluge of crimson, scarlet, amethyst, emerald, gold, cerulean and jade hues. This paradoxical marvel of a siren is guilefully placid.
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While this isn't -my- description, and the owner likely isn't looking for a revamp, I still felt compelled to... well.
I'm very appreciative of descriptive things, but I think it reaches a point where it goes beyond simply being overly descriptive into downright absurd (to say nothing of the misconception that seems to exist that if what's been written is essentially just a regurgitated thesaurus, it's "really creative"). I'm of the mind that this is more into the latter, but I may be judging unfairly. Description wizards, what say you?
And you won't understand the cause of your grief...
...But you'll always follow the voices beneath.
Kei's original description was about that long, and since I basically halved it more people have actually commented on things in it. Regardless, I agree, and would love to use multiple paragraphs to describe Kei and everything about her, sort of like a brief and a verbose description.
Edit: Because Taraus asked for an educated opinion (I think), I would say that I'm not necessarily comfortable with my eye constantly eyeing women's racks and waistlines, or men's musculature and physique. While it's not necessary a sex-driven thing, and conveying an impression you wish to is always fine, there's a difference between that and the certain knowledge that my character, by virtue of looking at people, usually only ever takes away three things- a person's eye color/possibly hair style, their secondary sexual features and their size, and tattoos/piercings/other bodily adornments. Which is fine, I'm sure most people notice when others have, say, pierced eyebrows or whatever. Nevertheless, most descriptions (and this one) reduce people to a series of parts, rather than create an impression, and I don't much care for that.
Similarly, while I'm all for letting people do whatever the hell they want with their descriptions, the moment you start describing someone who belongs in Warcraft more than in Achaea (mist in front of the eyes and emerald pupils, forreal?), you've totally lost me.
On a related note, I always ascribed to a description as being what a person can learn at a glance, or a bit of observation, but not what they'd learn if they spent a couple hours studying the character's physical appearance. I tend to try and focus on things people'd notice right away, or would stick in their memories, rather than every detail ever I think is cool about Annie.
Which brings me to my greater point. In the end, I find that I feel descriptions are not so much for describing every last physical detail you feel it's important for others to know, but rather for creating a 'feel' for the person you're describing, so those who look at him/her are given the impression they're already addressing someone tangible, with form, and defined. If you feel it's important that your character has incredible 'organic razors' for fingernails, make that part of the way you play that character; create situations where those details come up, and are important. Else, it's fluffery, and I promise my character'd never spend a lot of time looking at a person's nails to determine their sharpness, nor would he sit around judging how tight someone's breasts are against their shirt.
Ngl, I laughed.
[quote]He is a human. [1] Oil-slicked hair, only a few inches long, is pasted away from his face, pushed down to the top of his broad scalp. [2] Moss green, hooded eyes sit upon his square shaped face, crowning an oversized beak-shaped nose. [3] His lower face is completely devoid of facial hair, clean shaven and lacking any scars. [4] Firm and thin lips sit over his square chin, lending a cruel aspect to his block-like face. [5] A strapping musculature dominates his frame, thick, trunk like arms further emphasizing a pugilist's body. [6] Olive toned skin stretches tautly over his towering figure, his hands scarred around the knuckles with tough tissue.[/quote]
First, wtf is a pugilist. Second, I hate my iPhone. Anyway, let's break it down, shall we?
[1] Oil-slicked hair, only a few inches long, is pasted away from his face, pushed down to the top of his broad scalp. Hmmm. No.
Start with what someone's scrutiny would reveal immediately, like defining [read: unusual] characteristics or the more well-known height and build. E.g. +, of tall height and a thick, sturdy build, the play of considerable muscle evident beneath the taut stretch of olive-hued skin.
Yeah, that was horrid, don't use that. Umm. I got nothing else.
LGBTQ OOC clan, IG. Syntax: CLANHELP PRIDE.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pugilist
LGBTQ OOC clan, IG. Syntax: CLANHELP PRIDE.
On that note, though, I thought I'd mention why I gave @Shirszae a disagree. Aside from the issues that the longer your description, the less likely it will be read (thus defeating the point of having one), I think things that support or fuel the imagination are better for a text medium such as Achaea. In that regard, detail isn't necessarily the enemy, but it is something that needs to be cultivated and controlled.
In short, be detailed where it really matters, and be vague where the reader's imagination will do a better and quicker job than you could ever hope to do.