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He is a tiger-like
rajamala and is easily a head taller than most humans, covered in long, soft
fur, that ruffles and ripples in the breeze, his snowy whiteness is dappled
with rosettes of darker colour along his back and flanks, marked with a dark
streak along his spine, and a long, fluffy tail that twitches and curls
with a mind of its own.
So, if you want
something to work off:
He is a tiger-like
rajamala and stands at a considerable height.
He is covered in long snow-white fur that moves in the slightest
breeze. Rosettes of darker fur dapple
his back and flanks, and a long streak of jet-black fur covers his spine. His tail curls and uncurls restlessly,
brushing against the back of his legs.
You can add things
about facial details, musculature, ect, as you see fit. Hope that helps.
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He is a human. His
shaggy blonde hair hides some of his creamy, unblemished skin, and his
shimmering green eyes seem to reveal an inner flame of devotion. The rather
soft features of his face are starkly contrasted with his fairly muscular
physique. Standing at six feet two inches, he would be quite intimidating if it
were not for his friendly countenance and common smiles. His hands are worn far more than what
you would expect for a man of the cloth, and you notice quite a few calluses on
his left hand. He has a confidently faithful air about him, but you can detect
This is actually a
very well-written description, it just has a few flaws. Perhaps instead of
flames in the eyes, use a simile such as '...green eyes like two [very green
things].' Steer clear of gemstones to avoid a cliché.
I don't really have
time to write more. I'll edit/post again if I think of anything pertinent.
How is this for a simple troll.He is a troll that looks to be at least eight feet tall, he has a very hulking stature. His strong face features a bald head, a pair of sharp yellow eyes and a flat wide nose with a well trimmed mustache and beard surrounding his mouth.His skin is a dull grey.
"He is a
tiger-like rajamala. Jet black fur covers him, occasionally haphazardly (1)
broken by stripes of brilliant white. His tail often seems to move of its own
volition, twitching and swaying in a private rhythm (2) without heed to its
owner's wishes. The fur around his mouth has been shaped into a rough
approximation of a goatee, but no such care was taken with the fur on his head:
if ever it was fashioned in a particular style, that time has long passed. His
eyes are a deep amber and, (3) when Maethros isn't engaged in conversation,
they often dart around the location, wary of trouble. He stands roughly at a
few inches past six feet, with the muscled build of his race; (4) his
controlled movements suggest an alert, if untrained, presence."
Otherwise, this is a
perfectly fine description. Don't do yourself a disservice in saying otherwise.
She is a beautiful
siren and stands at just under five feet, with a matching small frame, though
she seems a healthy weight for her size. Lean muscle shows where her skin is
exposed, evidence of a life of intense exercise, though not demanding of
strength. Her head has been shaven completely smooth. Dark henna tattoos of
alchemical symbols are drawn in a circle on her scalp, with the signs of the
three primes on her forehead and those of the six metals arcing around the
crown. Diamond dust is sprinkled over her scalp as well, catching any light
with even the smallest movements. Just off the corner of her left eye, a
peridot in an ivory setting sparkles in the light, giving a vague impression of
a second pupil which matches even in colour. The thumbnail of her right hand
remains long, and the rest of her fingernails have been cut close to the quick.
small things, otherwise very well written.
She is a winged
atavian, standing lightly at five feet and four inches tall. Her long lengths
of arrow straight hair are tied into a sizable bun at the back of her head,
with an elaborate crows-wing style tuft falling free down her back. Half-hidden
behind her fringe is a sharp featured yet soft looking face with skin of a pale
milk-white hue, with her piercing emerald green eyes that seem to radiate with
a peculiar chromatic light which glints across the edge of your vision.
Delicate midnight-black wings gently rise from her slender form, with feathers
that progress in a gentle gradient to a pristine, almost nacreous white. She
moves with a deceptive swiftness, her lithe form and modest chest lightly
accentuated with the vitality that comes from a lifetime of exploration. A
small tattoo of a stylised ebon flame lies across her collarbone, peeking out
from amongst her clothing.
Xith's original desc was pretty decent, but I haven't seen it in a long time, cause as a novice, someone called Xith ugly, so he promptly had his name changed from Xith, the Generous, to Xith, the Ugly and his description became "He is a mhun. He is ugly."
But I changed that back to a rough placeholder and didn't get around to reworking it until earlier this week. Resulting in this:
He is a mhun. Narrow, golden eyes shimmer pleasantly from under the dark hair that falls over them. His acrobatic figure is lightly muscled, built for agility and flexibility. His skin is tanned from exposure to the outdoors, and his cheeks are dimpled from a life of excess grinning. His stance is well-balanced, yet casual.
I dislike long descriptions throughout Achaea. Rooms/people/items. People think they're being fancy but just add extra clauses and big words, resulting in a decent percentage of people skimming over it or not understanding what they look like without referring to a thesaurus. Have to explain as little as possible and allow people to fill in the details with their imagination, where possible.
is a mhun. Narrow, golden eyes shimmer pleasantly from under the dark hair that
falls over them. His acrobatic figure is lightly muscled, built for agility and
flexibility. His skin is tanned from exposure to the outdoors, and his cheeks
are dimpled from a life of excess grinning. His stance is well-balanced, yet
Not much else to say, really. I personally tend to be
rather verbose, but I certainly agree that long and florid descriptions can
sometimes be irritating. Brevity is wit, but the Gods are in the detail.
There's certainly a balance to be struck.
Never tried writing a description for a mount/creature before, but it's about time Katz's ironically pure pegasus had a makeover, so any critique would be appreciated... not really a huge fan of the flesh sloughing thing, (what girl is?) so going for a Nightmare style, black pegasus with flames. Took what I can from the origional alabastor pegasus description, adjusted for colour, since I like those parts anyway.
The pegasus is possessed of an ethereal, haunting beauty. His perfect form is covered with a sleek ebon coat, while his mane, tail, and hooves are ablaze, an inferno of dancing orange and gold flames. His wings, comprised of velvety, black feathers, rest flush against his body when at rest and spread to an impressive span when in flight. Fire flickers from his nostrils as his hot breath spills out, the effect is mirrored in his spirited eyes, alight with vigour.
Don't like the bolded bit at all, sounds off, but I can't think of a better way to word it right now.
An ebon pegasus with a fiery mane soars out/in to/from the $dir.?A fiery pegasus soars out/in to/from the $dir.?
An ebon pegasus tosses his head arrogantly, surrounded by a halo of fire.?An ebon pegasus with a fiery mane snorts arrogantly, flames spouting from his nostrils.?
Its flames extinquished along with its life, blood pools around the darkened form of a pegasus.
Honourable, knight eternal,
Darkly evil, cruel infernal.
Dance with death forever more.
pegasus is possessed of an ethereal, haunting beauty. His perfect form is
covered with a sleek ebon coat, while his mane, tail, and hooves are ablaze, an
inferno of dancing orange and gold flames. His wings, comprised of velvety,
black feathers, rest flush against his body when at rest and spread to an
impressive span when in flight. Fire flickers from his nostrils as his hot
breath spills out, the effect is mirrored in his spirited eyes, alight
An ebon pegasus with a fiery mane soars out/in to/from the
A flame-wreathed ebon pegasus
soars out/in to/from the $dir.?
An ebon pegasus tosses his head arrogantly, a temporary halo of fire surrounding him?
An ebon pegasus with a fiery mane snorts arrogantly, flames
spouting from his nostrils.?
Its flames extinguished along with its life, blood pools
around the darkened form of an ebon
Just my thoughts, there. Looks good!
My gratuitously customised arties:
a squeaky rubber shieldQuite comical looking, this round, hollow shield is composed of bright red rubber. The material is hard, yet yields easily to blows to ensure that it always bends, rather than breaks. Upon the surface is painted a rudimentary smiley face encircled by Aldar runes of the same startlingly bright yellow, the characters more bubbly and lazy than would normally be seen. Completing the non-threatening appearance of the toy-like shield are two braided white ropes, the knotted ends secured to the concave side of the shield. The parallel lengths are perfectly distanced to allow one to be gripped while the other binds the shield to the forearm. Discreetly positioned on the curved edge of the shield are two small holes, allowing the shield to expel air when compressed, creating an obnoxious, high pitched squeak at the slightest provocation.
a marotte-style blackjack resembling XithThis unusual blackjack consists of a long, polished handle of porcelain-white elder wood, which has been tailored to its owner's grip. Affixed to the end of the thin club is a lead-weighted head, its vacant visage carved flawlessly to resemble a grinning Xith. Spinning in the skull's sockets are lifelike marble eyes, their misaligned pupils lazily tracing the movements of those nearby in an unsettling manner. A portrait of its prankster's vanity, this jester marotte has been made to look exactly like Xith, even sporting miniaturised versions of his current attire. Grouped inside the head are magnetic spheres that cause a bizarre metallic buzzing whenever they are jostled by the weapon's collisions.
a jingling jester bowMeticulously hand decorated, this black wood bow is adorned with small, spiraling trails of overlapping silver tarot cards that wind around the weapon. Affixed to both ends of the bow are sinister skull ornaments, both sporting carved jester hats that bear noisy, jingling silver bells. Strung across the dark wood is a metallic bowstring, which produces a diabolical "boing" when plucked. A well-placed grip below the arrow rest is adorned with a fierce red-yellow eye, staring vertically at the weapon's target and giving it a macabre punctuation.
What I do need are jesterly custom tarot deck ideas.
.Yeah, I was thinking of adding in something about the fire not burning him, but I couldn't word it right, and it seems rather obvious, or implied.
Your other first few points are all from the origional pegasus description, not my edits, haha. 'This' definitely fits better, wings also from the origional, I do not really want to go near describing the wings, sounds like a disaster in the making
So I was bored in Thermodynamics today, and I wrote things. I'd just reread one of Jurixe's stories, and I was thinking about Naga.
He is a mhun. He stands at an unremarkable 6 feet tall. His black hair is long and unkempt, pulled carelessly behind his head for the sole purpose of keeping it out of his face. His face is tan and leathery only brightened by emerald-green eyes. Thick, black stubble frames a shy smile that always decorates his face. He has unnaturally broad shoulders that support disproportionately large arms with all the hair singed off. His hands are very strong and rough, marred by an abundance of burns and faded scars. A barrel-shaped chest and solid core mount his plain, yet sturdy legs.This is me. Any good barbers?
I imagine that I could use some sprucing, if anyone wants to critique - She is a tiger-like rajamala and is bewitching, fastidious creature with a lissome form and warm lamplight eyes. Her sleek pelt is marked with the bands and stripes of a jungle hunter, sable upon titian and it gives her expression a primal fierceness. Creamy white fur covers her vulnerable belly, her stripes truncating where the unrelieved white begins. Between her breasts is a thick ruff of fur which thins out as it travels up and over her throat. Her ebon hair falls in a heavy mass of dread-locks down her back, decorated and braided with wooden and bone beads. When she moves her head the ornaments rattle together in a hollow cacophony.