Descriptions Wanted 1.0

Jiraishin

I've tried incorporating things like skin tone or a bit more about his features before, but it just broke the flow. Guess I should try again.

On a side note, I also noticed a while back that my description is weirdly similar to Eschtar the Swift's, on Minos.

Cinya

Jiraishin said:

I've tried incorporating things like skin tone or a bit more about his features before, but it just broke the flow. Guess I should try again.

On a side note, I also noticed a while back that my description is weirdly similar to Eschtar the Swift's, on Minos.

One time I actually thought he was you, and started stabbing him with my dirk. 

Jiraishin

Ouch. You know, they -do- sell glasses IG.

Plus I don't believe you because you would've had to find your way to Minos first.

Sherazad

A bit late but I like the idea of Synbios' storm of shards cutting newbies around him. It should also double as snuggle repellent.

Cinya

Jiraishin said:

Plus I don't believe you because you would've had to find your way to Minos first.

</3 

Synbios

Arranged into two wing-like formations, eight floating pinions - each the size and shape of a single-edged sword - radiate outward and downward behind the shoulder blades. Upon closer scrutiny, each pinion is a tessellation of slivers composed of a variety of metals, ranging from mundane steel to rare mithril. From time to time, the pinions disperse into a storm of razor-sharp shards that orbit its owner in a deadly nimbus of flashing blades.

I think I'll be using this as my final design. Reaction for PGAZE:

1st person: You turn towards one of the sword-shaped pinions with a piercing glance, and a network of minute lines begins to form on all of them, dispersing the tessellated component shards into the air, where they begin to orbit silently around you in a storm of blades.

3rd person: At $wearer's piercing glance, minute lines begin to form on the sword-shaped pinions floating behind $him, dispersing the tessellated slivers into a storm of metallic shards that orbit silently around $him.

Phaestus

That's a very nice description, but I'll give you a mithril truffle if you don't use mithril for your rare metal and instead think of something more unique. Every rare metal in the game is mithril, so it's not actually very rare at all. Do you know Hashan had a flagpole made of it? Yes, a flagpole. Until, at least, Ourania gave in to my sobbing... Electrum is very seldom used and Shallamese without being ascribed to a particular Te'Serran deity, if you'd like a suggestion.

Synbios

Phaestus said:

That's a very nice description, but I'll give you a mithril truffle if you don't use mithril for your rare metal and instead think of something more unique. Every rare metal in the game is mithril, so it's not actually very rare at all. Do you know Hashan had a flagpole made of it? Yes, a flagpole. Until, at least, Ourania gave in to my sobbing... Electrum is very seldom used and Shallamese without being ascribed to a particular Te'Serran deity, if you'd like a suggestion.

That's actually an interesting idea, though I'm trying to veer more on the 'fantastic metal' realm. Curiously, the only fantasy metals that I know of here in Achaea are mithril and bloodsteel. What other metals are there that do not exist in real life? Because another metal that I would probably love to use, but is not seen is orichalcum.

Phaestus

Orichalcum does exist and is extraordinarily rare. I use it in the bands that I forge for runewarden Phaestean knights, and it's in a couple of other places but not many at all. I don't see any problem with you using that. Adamantium is mentioned, and hepatizon, though since the release of alchemists the latter tends to make people think of them first. There are a handful of others that are tied to specific gods or to the histories in some way, but those are the basic ones.

Iocun

If you want something really rare, use steel.

Synbios

Iocun said:

If you want something really rare, use steel.

Blame it on Salik and Peak.

Arador

Or Obsidian. *console @Ognog*

Delphinus

Phaestus said:

There are a handful of others that are tied to specific gods or to the histories in some way, but those are the basic ones.

Dat riverbrass.

Cinya

Thanks for the list, @Phaestus, that's awesome. I wish there were a compendium of Achaea-specific metals like this for people designing jewellery/etc. 

Jiraishin

One day I will figure out just what lazurite looks like.
That's not a real-world stone, is it?

Sena

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lazurite

Jiraishin

Beautiful, thank you.

Eld

Phaestus said:

Orichalcum does exist and is extraordinarily rare. I use it in the bands that I forge for runewarden Phaestean knights, and it's in a couple of other places but not many at all. I don't see any problem with you using that. Adamantium is mentioned, and hepatizon, though since the release of alchemists the latter tends to make people think of them first. There are a handful of others that are tied to specific gods or to the histories in some way, but those are the basic ones.

That settles it. Next time I get something customised, at least part of it will be hepatizon. All my deaths to those damn malagmae may as well be commemorated somehow. Speaking of which, the other metals that malagmae can be made of could work, too. Billon and tumbaga are real things, and leukaurum sounds kind of cool.

Synbios

All this talk of metal and stones reminds me of Dwarf Fortress. 

Eld

Synbios said:

All this talk of metal and stones reminds me of Dwarf Fortress. 

Yeah, I should've been more on top of things and made a crack about Phaestus demanding that his minions make him billon weapon racks or something. Oh well.

Peak

Synbios said:

Iocun said:

If you want something really rare, use steel.

Blame it on Salik and Peak.

I almost never buy my own steel. Blame it on my lovely customers.

Mycen

Just for Synbios since he  wants me to show them off.  He designed them for me.

 

Palm-sized shards of obsidian float lazily, held together by an ephemeral lattice of ruby-coloured lightning that lances through each shard to form a skeletal, wing-like structure. The faint hum of energy emanated by the lattice is punctuated by the occasional crackle of sparks. The lightning lattice converges towards a red-veined crystal magically grafted to the back of the wearer

Synbios

@Mycen:

I'll be honest - I had a lot of fun designing your wings. Since you already had a bow design that you wanted to incorporate into your wings, I had a sudden image of what your design would be. Glad you liked them.

Kresslack

Here's my description, seems kind of long looking at it from in the client, and perhaps it is...but I tend to get carried away when writing things. In any case:

He is a mhun. Standing near six feet and seven inches, his skin is tanned a deep bronze from time spent in the sun, stretched taut over thick bone and muscle. Eyes stormy gray like clouds in a squall slide slowly around his surroundings, taking in as much detail as possible and flicking to track every small movement. Set under high cheekbones is a thick, shortly trimmed beard that covers his cheeks and chin, flowing down towards his chest in three long braids. Each braid has been decorated with small pieces of carved bone and wooden beads that click against each other softly as he turns his head. Beard and hair are of a deep black, streaked slightly with a hint of silver. Hanging down towards the middle of his back, his hair has been plaited in three sections that form a single, thick braid. Woven into the braid is a long length of crimson ribbon and small raven feathers. His upper body has been covered in detailed tattoos, integrated to form a pattern that extends down the length of his arms to his wrists and the back of his hands, depicting nautical and tribal orientations. Thick black hair slightly obscures the images across his arms and upper chest, with an array of scars disrupting the ink, some places faintly and others moderately. Seemingly light on his feet, his hands run deftly over his large frame to check his equipment, the letters BCO noticeable in black ink on the front of the middle fingers of his right hand.

Synbios

SHORT_DESC - a pair of blade-shard wings

LONG_DESC  - Metallic slivers are scattered on the ground, resembling a pair of wings.

EXT_DESC:

Arranged into two wing-like formations, eight floating pinions - each the size and shape of a hiltless single-edged sword - radiate outward and downward behind the shoulder blades. Upon closer scrutiny, each pinion is a tessellation of slivers composed of a variety of metals, ranging from gold-white electrum to rare orichalcum. From time to time, the pinions disperse into a storm of razor-sharp shards that orbit its owner in a deadly nimbus of flashing blades.

WEAR:

1st person: Gesturing sharply with your hand, a storm of metallic slivers begins to gather at your back, tessellating into eight sword-shaped pinions that hover close to you.

3rd person: $wearer gestures sharply with $his hand, and a storm of metallic slivers begins to gather at $his back, tessellating into eight sword-shaped pinions hover close to $him.

REMOVE:

1st person: You turn towards one of the sword-shaped pinions with a piercing glance, and a network of minute lines begins to form on all of them, dispersing the tessellated component shards into the air, where they begin to orbit silently around you in a storm of blades.

3rd person: At $wearer's piercing glance, minute lines begin to form on the sword-shaped pinions floating behind $him, dispersing the tessellated slivers into a storm of metallic shards that orbit silently around $him.

WEAR:

1st person: Gesturing sharply with your hand, a storm of metallic slivers begins to gather at your back, tessellating into eight sword-shaped pinions that hover close to you.

3rd person: $wearer gestures sharply with $his hand, and a storm of metallic slivers begins to gather at $his back, tessellating into eight sword-shaped pinions hover close to $him.

Kresslack said:

Here's my description, seems kind of long looking at it from in the client, and perhaps it is...but I tend to get carried away when writing things. In any case:

He is a mhun. Standing near six feet and seven inches, his skin is tanned a deep bronze from time spent in the sun, stretched taut over thick bone and muscle. Eyes - stormy gray like clouds in a squall - (placed hyphens to separate the eye description) slide slowly around his surroundings, taking in as much detail as possible and flicking to track every small movement. Set under high cheekbones is a thick, shortly trimmed beard that covers his cheeks and chin, flowing down towards his chest in three long braids. Each braid has been decorated with small pieces of carved bone and wooden beads that click against each other softly as he turns his head. Beard and hair are of a deep black, streaked slightly with a hint of silver. Hanging down towards the middle of his back, his hair has been plaited in three sections that form a single, thick braid. Woven into the braid is a long length of crimson ribbon and small raven feathers. His upper body has been covered in detailed tattoos, integrated to form a pattern that extends down the length of his arms to his wrists and the back of his hands, depicting nautical and tribal orientations. Thick black hair slightly obscures the images across his arms and upper chest, with an array of scars disrupting the ink, some places faintly and others moderately. Seemingly light on his feet, his hands run deftly over his large frame to check his equipment, the letters "BCO"(it's might be just me, but I'd put quotation marks on words/acronyms/sentences that are tattooed/engraved on a surface" noticeable in black ink on the front of the middle fingers of his right hand.

Besides that, your description is ok. 

Jonathin

Mosr's description could probably use some updating. I changed it when I switched from Rajamala to Grook in a rush and have only performed cursory corrections and edits. Maybe I'll post it here, I don't know yet. Definitely going to be looking here for ideas on how to go about actually wording things, so thanks to everyone that posted descriptions.

Nellaundra

She is a mhun. She is a bit less than five feet tall and her build is light and athletic with small but powerful muscles spread throughout her entire body.  This gives her a slightly boyish look, or
would if not for her face. Her hair is a full dark black that's been styled into an ornate braid that curls tightly around her head, leaving her face and neck clear. Her eyes are slightly large for
her face and coloured a deep chocolate brown while her lips are wide with a slight hint of fang peeking out.

Trying to describe this kind of hairstyle.  Any thoughts?

Chryenth

She is a mhun. She is a bit less than five feet tall and her build is light and athletic with small but powerful muscles spread throughout her entire body.  This gives her a slightly boyish look, or would if not for her face. Her hair is a full dark black that's been styled into an ornate braid that curls tightly around her head, leaving her face and neck clear. Her eyes are slightly large for her face and coloured a deep chocolate brown while her lips are wide with a slight hint of fang peeking out. 

 

1. The first sentence is too long, I think. It could be rephrased, maybe, as something like 'With a full height of just under five feet, she has a short and light build.  Her entire body is honed into powerful muscle. '
2. I don't like the word 'boyish' here, unless you also mean to imply that she looks quite young. 'Masculine' might work better.

3. '… ornate braid which curls…' reads better.

4. Likewise, the last sentence reads better, I think, as 'Her deep chocolate brown eyes are slightly too large for her face, complimenting a wide pair of lips that are dimpled by the tips of two fangs.'

 

 

Disclaimer: It is late and I am tired. Pinch of salt, ect.

ETA: 1211 =/= 1234. Huh.

Garao

He is a stout dwarf. Very short, even for a typical Dwarf. He stands at a few inches over three feet 

tall. Dark, unwashed and matted hair hangs in thick strands from his head. The majority is pulled 

back out of his face into a ponytail, which is held together by plain, dark braidings. Some strands 

run free, however, and frame his square-set face -- which appears to have small grains of soot, or 

ash spread across it. Bright green eyes peer prominently out of his otherwise darkened figure.

Help would be appreciated, I've never been good with descriptions.

Averi

Garao said:

He is a stout dwarf. Very short, even for a typical Dwarf. He stands at a few inches over three feet 

tall. Dark, unwashed and matted hair hangs in thick strands from his head. The majority is pulled 

back out of his face into a ponytail, which is held together by plain, dark braidings. Some strands 

run free, however, and frame his square-set face -- which appears to have small grains of soot, or 

ash spread across it. Bright green eyes peer prominently out of his otherwise darkened figure.

Help would be appreciated, I've never been good with descriptions.

When did your hair stop being pink???