Amusing/Entertaining/Interesting things you stumbled upon on the Internet

Iocun

I even further improved my logic after your quoting!

Trey

 

Achimrst

Iocun said:

I even further improved my logic after your quoting!

Trilliana

Lyndee

The Internet, ladies and gentlemen:

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Trey

 

Trilliana

So, last night I was looking through my Gloom expansion packs (mainly because my daughter decided to open them up and mix them up entirely... so compulsion kicked in to make sure my cards were in the right pack and such) and I came across this card

My first thought was this

Tohran

Trilliana said:

So, last night I was looking through my Gloom expansion packs (mainly because my daughter decided to open them up and mix them up entirely... so compulsion kicked in to make sure my cards were in the right pack and such) and I came across this card

My first thought was this

MY CABBAGES!!!

Achimrst

Trey

 

Cynlael

Berenene

What your Australian hometown says about you:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jennaguillaume/what-your-hometown-says-about-you

And for those not from our sunburned country, will give you an insight into the different people who live in the different towns/cities lol

Achimrst

Kyrra

Berenene said:

What your Australian hometown says about you:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jennaguillaume/what-your-hometown-says-about-you

And for those not from our sunburned country, will give you an insight into the different people who live in the different towns/cities lol

Doesn't have Mount Isa

Achimrst

Achimrst

Trilliana

When a kid is being a brat in a noisy and public area, I casually get close to them and fart on their head/face. I'm really tall so it's usually a direct hit.

It's funniest when the kid notices and doesn't know what to do because I'm a giant.

One time I was pretty drunk with a friend at a Target buying Risk. This little mexican 5-7 year old with a mohawk, was being an insufferable little shit in the action figure section. I heard him from like 5 aisles over and it was like nails on a chalkboard. I tell my friend, "I'm gonna fart on this kids head. Watch and learn."

I saunter on over to the aisle in question and see the vile little prick calling his mom an "idiot" for not buying him a huge G.I. JOE The Movie vehicle. "I already bought that one for you and you broke it by throwing it down the stairs" "SHUT UP. I NEED IT. IT'S THE ONLY ONE I DON'T HAVE NOW." The mother was younger than me (I'm mid twenties) and gave a defeated look, "I don't have enough money right now." "YOU ARE AN IDIOT," and continued to just berate and publicly shame this woman.

At the time, I was on a strict Chipotle carnitas burrito diet. And while I was watching all this, my stomach gave me an initial warning gurgle (very courteous stomach) telling me I was about an hour away from punishing the toilet. Serendipity! Destiny!

The kid shouts "F**K YOU, I HATE YOU!" The mom rolls her eyes and turns her back to the kid to ignore him. And could you believe it, the kid gets on his hands and knees and starts taking the toy out of the box. It's go time, mother**ker.

I position my back towards him and at this point am like 2 feet away from him. I bend down to reach for the one of the toys on the lower shelf. At this point, my ass is INCHES away from this kids head.

I'm so close that from a distance it looks like I'm about to sit on him,. My friend sees this happening and can no longer contain himself. He's covering his mouth, but his 'hee-haw' hyperventilating donkey chortle is fairly audible over the late 90's pop muzak playing on the loudspeakers.

The kid immediately looks up towards the laughter, but can't help but notice there is an ass now directly in his face. Now, I'm trying not to laugh but also panicking as I just made eye contact with him. He furls his brow and I look over in the mother's direction, still back towards us. I relish in the moment and the look on this child's confused and naive face.

The initial blast was mighty and boisterous. I swear I saw his hair blowing in the wind (so to speak). If I wasn't wearing jeans, I think it could have probably blown over an empty soda can. I would call it "a very fun fart" (A++ would buy again). However, what immediately followed that out the chamber was truly horrifying. The fart's implication changed without notice and swiftly. It went from a joyous, dry airhorn squeal to a nefarious, hissing mephitis. I think the little moppet noticed the hateful metamorphosis before even I did because he wretched his neck violently trying to get away from the personified evil being fumigated into his soul. Because of his positioning (hovering over the toy, hands and knee), it was all in vain as the only way out was forward...and forward would mean certain death.

In total, it lasted about 4 seconds but for that kid, it must have seemed like time was frozen. The long-term severe brain damage which he no doubt suffered, only added to that effect.

When I finished, there was a silent, pregnant pause. The kid was clearly shocked and stunned. No one had ever stood up to this dwarf sociopath in his whole life. I had taken the words out of his mouth and filled it with fart.

I make my move first, picking up the toy I was "reaching for" off the low shelf, take a few steps forward and stare at it for a few seconds. The only thing the kid could manage to do was burst into tears. My friend senses danger 'the jig is up' and his head darts for cover. The mom turns around to see her kid with an open toy, crying on the floor and me minding my own business.

She walks up to him and asks what's wrong but the kid can't speak. All he gets out is, "BAWAWAAAWAFARTBAWAWA." It took every fiber in my body not to laugh.

Sensing that his assailant was getting away scot-free, he somehow managed to compose himself for a moment. He shouts, "HE FARTED ON ME!" I was ALMOST around the corner when the mom goes:

"Excuse me....sir....SIR!"

I turn around nonplussed, "Uh...who? Me?" while pointing to myself.

"Yes. Did YOU just FART on my son?"

Weighing my options, I played dumb. "What? I mean, I did fart."

"On my son?"

"Well, I mean, technically speaking...I mean...what is 'on'?"

"Why did you fart on my son?"

At this point the little kid has the look of schadenfreude on his face, happy to see me in trouble. F**k you, I'M A MAN! I WILL FART ON YOU IF I PLEASE! I turn my attention to the little kid and stare at him, "Because the whole store could hear him being a little, rotten asshole to his mother so I thought I'd come over here and treat him like one."

The mom looks at me, her son and the scattered GI JOE/wrappers/box on the floor. The mom is puzzled as to what to do and says, "Just..just go." That's my cue! I turn around, walk away with little extra step. As soon as I turn the corner, I book it outside as fast as I can.

We laugh on the car ride back about the whole scene. With a slight hint of seriousness in his tone, my friend asks me:

"Do you do that a lot?"

"Ahhh, not that much. Like once every 6 months or so."

We both knew I was lying.

Achimrst

Jules

http://austin.craigslist.org/clo/4528554064.html

Ah, Craigslist.  I'm just sad it's probably fake, like unicorn spam, and the e-harmony cat lady.

Achimrst

Tharvis

pure irony

Achimrst

Trilliana

Harley's Joker is SO amazing when he does his cosplay. He also I think did a webseries as the Joker.

Trey

 

Iocun

What do you have to smoke to get the idea of combining cheese, broccoli, pineapples, and mushrooms?

Melodie

Actually, my guess is one of those guys knocked her up.

Cravings are apparently a bitch and strange to boot.

Achilles

She better be super hot, I wanted to murder about halfway through that post.

Kerria

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/10-easy-ways-to-deal-with-me-when-im-being-a-bitch_b_3676315.html

I am a two year old

Berenene

Melodie said:

Actually, my guess is one of those guys knocked her up.

Cravings are apparently a bitch and strange to boot.

I really hope one of her cravings is a nice, juicy steak

Wysteria

Introverted (I) 60% Extroverted (E) 40% Intuitive (N) 55.26% Sensing (S) 44.74% Thinking (T) 70.59% Feeling (F) 29.41% Judging (J) 67.86% Perceiving (P) 32.14%

Your type is: INTJ

INTJ - "Mastermind". Introverted intellectual with a preference for finding certainty. A builder of systems and the applier of theoretical models. 2.1% of total population.