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Descriptions Wanted 1.0

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  • JiraishinJiraishin trapped in a thawing block of icePosts: 1,246Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    @Synbios:
    Jiraishin and Jurixe are both Mhaldorian mhun with grey eyes. Deorcn, as Jurixe's twin, is (I believe) a Mhaldorian mhun with grey eyes. Tvistor is a Mhaldorian atavian with grey eyes, and Antidas a Mhaldorian dwarf, but both used to be mhun. Kresslack had grey eyes as a Mhaldorian mhun (and probably still does as an Ashtani). Cinya is a non-Mhaldorian mhun with grey eyes. Alythra was a Mhaldorian rajamala with grey eyes. I -think- Saibel had grey eyes (as a Mhaldorian mhun) but I can't quite remember.

    Xinna is a Mhaldorian with grey eyes but I don't remember her race off the top of my head. Carmain has blue-grey eyes (though one of them is closed), and is Mhaldorian. No comments on his race because he keeps switching.

    There's more but I can't remember them off the top of my head.
    ________________________
    Regular sleep is for the weak.
    I ninja'd description ninja
    ChryenthSynbios
  • AlyanaAlyana Posts: 44Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    Eld said:
    4) I'm assuming "bent backward" here means the knees hinge in the opposite direction from normal human knees, which I think is again counter to established satyr physiology.


    actually, I expect that he is describing the appearance of digitigrade legs, which do bend backwards at the lower joint, and which it seems fairly established that satyrs have. (goat legs are digitigrade, and http://www.ironrealms.com/image/satyr-monk-from-achaea shows them that way if it matters) At the same time, I would argue that the description could be a bit more clear on describing it, as it does give somewhat of the impression of backwards knees, which are not accurate.
    Beya
  • JiraishinJiraishin trapped in a thawing block of icePosts: 1,246Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    The number of grey-eyed characters -is- a little weird. Jiraishin's started out silver but I decided quickly that it looked stupid. I forget if it was before or after I learned what 'RP' meant. Probably before.

    My eyes IRL are grey/green/blue and shift with the light, my clothing, who knows what.  I also have an eyebrow scar and slightly crooked nose. If I wrote my IRL appearance into a description I would look like a special snowflake.
    ________________________
    Regular sleep is for the weak.
    I ninja'd description ninja
  • EldEld Posts: 3,946Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    @Alyana ah, you're probably right! I'd forgotten about that particular feature of ungulate anatomy.
  • NellaundraNellaundra Posts: 1,556Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Updated a small bit from my old descriptions, any thoughts/critiques?

    She is a mhun. She is a bit less than five feet tall and her build is light and athletic with small but powerful muscles spread throughout her entire body.  This gives her a slightly boyish look, or would if not for her face. Her hair is a full dark black with slight hints of green spread throughout the tresses, almost completely faded now. It's been cut short at the front to leave her brow and face clear, while the back has been left to it's own devices to fall down between her shoulderblades. Her eyes are slightly large for her face and  coloured a deep chocolate brown while her lips are wide with a slight hint of fang peeking out.
    image
  • SynbiosSynbios Posts: 4,438Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Jiraishin said:
    @Synbios:
    Jiraishin and Jurixe are both Mhaldorian mhun with grey eyes. Deorcn, as Jurixe's twin, is (I believe) a Mhaldorian mhun with grey eyes. Tvistor is a Mhaldorian atavian with grey eyes, and Antidas a Mhaldorian dwarf, but both used to be mhun. Kresslack had grey eyes as a Mhaldorian mhun (and probably still does as an Ashtani). Cinya is a non-Mhaldorian mhun with grey eyes. Alythra was a Mhaldorian rajamala with grey eyes. I -think- Saibel had grey eyes (as a Mhaldorian mhun) but I can't quite remember.

    Xinna is a Mhaldorian with grey eyes but I don't remember her race off the top of my head. Carmain has blue-grey eyes (though one of them is closed), and is Mhaldorian. No comments on his race because he keeps switching.

    There's more but I can't remember them off the top of my head.
    At least that won't put me in the 'special snowflake' category anymore, ha! 

  • JurixeJurixe Where you least expect itPosts: 1,571Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Yeah man I thought I was special when I was deciding on eye colour and was like 'blue/green/brown are too commonplace..let's do grey instead, nobody has grey eyes'

    Little did I know. >(

  • CronoCrono Posts: 45Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished

    Here is the current desc.  There is another one, which has more rp history. 

    He is a stout dwarf. Rugged looking. A scar mars his right cheek, twisting his lips into a constant sneer. His right eye is milky white and sightless, his left a dark brown. Shaggy red hair covers his head, a neatly trimmed beard of the same hue covering his cheeks and chin. Powerfully built arms flicker with elemental lightning in an iridescent dance. There is a wavering in the air surrounding him, looking for all the world like heat shimmers.

  • VayneVayne Rhode IslandPosts: 1,897Member
    He is a mhun. He stands a few inches below six feet. His features are hidden by a mirrored obsidian mask. His posture is tall and erect.
    image
    Boosteya
  • WysteriaWysteria Posts: 1,826Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    oi how come I don't see people with violet eyes like mine around here. They're all grey/blue...and I think I've seen maybe one person with hazel and that's about it.
    "Faded away like the stars in the morning,
     Losing their light in the glorious sun,
     Thus would we pass from this earth and its toiling,
     Only remembered for what we have done."

  • SynbiosSynbios Posts: 4,438Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Wysteria said:
    oi how come I don't see people with violet eyes like mine around here. They're all grey/blue...and I think I've seen maybe one person with hazel and that's about it.
    How rare are violet eyes, anyway?

  • VigoVigo Posts: 24Member ✭✭ - Stalwart
    Thank you for the critique. I could have sworn I saw something in HELP SATYR when I started that said they were somewhat shorter than humans, but I re-read it as you did and didn't find anything. I updated his height to be more around five feet, his horns just scraping six.

    As for his nose, the injuries sustained there would go along with his horns, having taken place during his adolescent slavery before the Trial of Rebirth. I can see your points on healing and mending, but luckily Vigo know didn't much about such things then.

    I don't see Vigo removing his armor much to warrant changing the description, but I did wish to think of a more intelligent way to word his leg anatomy then what I had.

    Also, I have only met two people in my life with grey, steel eyes.

    He is a horned satyr and while he stands at around the height of a mountain grizzly's shoulders, his cracking, gnarled horns twist into the air almost a foot above his head. His left growth juts from his skull spinning wildly into itself like a ram's antlers yet his right twirls for not half the length and has been severed and blunted. Dark, hazel eyes attentively track item to item in the area from under his bushy black eyebrows. Fixed in the middle of his youthful face is a broad, ridged nose which appears to have been broken and mended several times. Thick swaths of coal-black hair nearly blend into his swarthy complexion, meandering from all sides of his face before roping into a neatly braided beard. Reaching out from either side of his suit of finely polished plate armor, his burly, fur-covered arms appear to only cease growing hair at the scarred flesh below his hands. Crudely seared into his wrists, twin escarbuncles within a border adorn them, the mark of all Mhaldorian slaves. A pair of shorn and well-kept hooves serve as the base for his muscular, caprine legs. Tufts of coal-black fur spring from between the joints of his plate greaves.
  • SenaSena Posts: 3,825Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Synbios said:
    Wysteria said:
    oi how come I don't see people with violet eyes like mine around here. They're all grey/blue...and I think I've seen maybe one person with hazel and that's about it.
    How rare are violet eyes, anyway?
    In real life? Non-existent to very rare, depending on how strict your definition of "violet eyes" is (some blue eyes can look violet in certain light).

    In Achaea, I've only seen three or four characters with violet eyes, including one of my old characters.
  • FaolinFaolin Posts: 40Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    I imagine that I could use some sprucing, if anyone wants to critique - 


    She is a tiger-like rajamala and is bewitching, fastidious creature with a lissome form and warm lamplight eyes. Her sleek pelt is marked with the bands and stripes of a jungle hunter, sable upon titian and it gives her expression a primal fierceness. Creamy white fur covers her vulnerable belly, her stripes truncating where the unrelieved white begins. Between her breasts is a thick ruff of fur which thins out as it travels up and over her throat. Her ebon hair falls in a heavy mass of dread-locks down her back, decorated and braided with wooden and bone beads. When she moves her head the ornaments rattle together in a hollow cacophony.
  • SynbiosSynbios Posts: 4,438Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Not sure about 'lamplight eyes', to be honest. For some strange reason, I'm now imagining you to have laser-eyes.

    Faolin
  • FaolinFaolin Posts: 40Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    @Synbios I was going for like kerosene lamplight -- but wtf kind of lamps do you have in your house that shoot lasers? Can I have one? Please? 
    BoosteyaJiraishinChryenthJhaeli
  • SynbiosSynbios Posts: 4,438Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Faolin said:
    @Synbios I was going for like kerosene lamplight -- but wtf kind of lamps do you have in your house that shoot lasers? Can I have one? Please? 
    I am an eldritch abomination IRL. Laser-lamps are the standard here.

    FaolinBoosteya
  • SilasSilas Posts: 2,529Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    My eyes are amber lamps.

    DelphinusWysteria
  • OrklanishkalOrklanishkal Posts: 149Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    Faolin said:

    She is a tiger-like rajamala and is bewitching, fastidious creature with a lissome form and warm lamplight eyes. Her sleek pelt is marked with the bands and stripes of a jungle hunter, sable upon titian, and it gives giving her expression a primal fierceness. Creamy white fur covers her vulnerable belly, her stripes truncating where the unrelieved white begins. Between her breasts is a thick ruff of fur which thins out as it travels up and over her throat. Her ebon hair falls in a heavy mass of dread-locks down her back, decorated and braided with wooden and bone beads. When she moves her head the ornaments rattle together in a hollow cacophony.
    Just my two cents.
  • FaolinFaolin Posts: 40Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    @Orklanishkal - Thanks! 
  • OrklanishkalOrklanishkal Posts: 149Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    Be nice, I haven't played with this in a long time. Any criticism welcome.

    He is a human. He is of an average build for his race. He stands at almost six feet tall and carries the girth of a lifelong scholar. A light tan darkens his typically pale white complexion. Long, grey hair flows down the side of his face, reaching the top of his shoulders. Grey scruff lines his face, almost hiding the deep lines around his eyes. His eyes are of a green-hazel colour, and sparkle with intelligence, the fires of youth long extinguished. They peek out from underneath a large, raised scar of the Mark of the Twin on his forehead. 
    Interrupting the wrinkles on his face, a long scar whose origin is long forgotten stretches from the height of his eyes to the bottom of his nose. His torso is somewhat muscular, and his left forecep bears a scar, in the sign of the Twin. Farther up the arm is a burn scar, showing the seven-pointed Occultic star with an eye in the centre. Black ink forms a tattoo of a dragon that stretches down his right arm, and his knuckles are enlarged, signs of a lifetime of absentmindedness.
  • WysteriaWysteria Posts: 1,826Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Sena said:
    Synbios said:
    Wysteria said:
    oi how come I don't see people with violet eyes like mine around here. They're all grey/blue...and I think I've seen maybe one person with hazel and that's about it.
    How rare are violet eyes, anyway?
    In real life? Non-existent to very rare, depending on how strict your definition of "violet eyes" is (some blue eyes can look violet in certain light).

    In Achaea, I've only seen three or four characters with violet eyes, including one of my old characters.
    Elizabeth was defined as having violet eyes, but yeah most are just a different tinge of blue or caused by albinism to make them appear so. Mine apparently look a freaky light brown/amber irl, but Wyst has the violet eyes...ahrm.
    "Faded away like the stars in the morning,
     Losing their light in the glorious sun,
     Thus would we pass from this earth and its toiling,
     Only remembered for what we have done."

  • SenaSena Posts: 3,825Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    If you mean Elizabeth Taylor, that's an example of "blue that looks violet in the right light".
  • WysteriaWysteria Posts: 1,826Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    @Sena : Yeah I meant Taylor...whoops I should've checked that post. Bah.
    "Faded away like the stars in the morning,
     Losing their light in the glorious sun,
     Thus would we pass from this earth and its toiling,
     Only remembered for what we have done."

  • SynbiosSynbios Posts: 4,438Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Planning on customising my wings(curse you Mycen for inspiring me). Putting up my proposed design for review:

    SHORT_DESC - a pair of blade-shard wings

    LONG_DESC  - Metallic shards are scattered on the ground, resembling a pair of wings.

    EXT_DESC:  
    Floating lazily about, a storm of blade-like shards silently orbits its bearer, glittering eerily when they catch the light. Each shard is the size of a small dagger, and is composed of different metals, from mundane steel to rare mithril, and honed to a razor's edge. Once in a while, the shards stop moving before arranging themselves into a pair of wing-shaped mandalas extending from the bearer's back, revealing their true purpose.

    Alternate EXT_DESC(thanks for the suggestion, @Kiella!):

    A storm of blade-like shards slice lazily through the air, silently orbiting the bearer, bathing them in a sinister nimbus of sparkling reflections. The shards are composed of different metals, from mundane steel to rare mithril, each the size of a small dagger and honed to a razor's edge. As the shards follow their lazy trajectories, they occasionally coalesce into a pair of wing-shaped mandalas which extend from the bearer's back, hinting at their true purpose.

  • JiraishinJiraishin trapped in a thawing block of icePosts: 1,246Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    @Synbios That looks really cool. I think some of the commas in the extended description need to be cut out, however.

    I don't like the alternate description as much. Also, while I realize the neuter pronoun is probably necessary in case you lend the wings to someone else, the use of "them" just grates.
    ________________________
    Regular sleep is for the weak.
    I ninja'd description ninja
  • SynbiosSynbios Posts: 4,438Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    edited September 2012
    Jiraishin said:
    @Synbios That looks really cool. I think some of the commas in the extended description need to be cut out, however.

    I don't like the alternate description as much. Also, while I realize the neuter pronoun is probably necessary in case you lend the wings to someone else, the use of "them" just grates.
    Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be an elegant compromise to the situation.

    EDIT: Unless the first sentence were changed to:
    A storm of shards slices lazily through the air, silently orbiting the bearer in a sinister nimbus of sparkling blades.

  • ChryenthChryenth Posts: 1,323Member @ - Epic Achaean

    Very nice.

     

    I'd like more to be made of the matals that make them up, however.

     

    ' ... composed of different metals, mundane pewter and copper, flashes of gold and silver as well as rarest mithril. Each piece is the size...'

    Do we actually have mithril in Achaea? IDK.

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