Howdy, Stranger!
Categories
- 6.2K All Categories
- 3.1K Everything Achaea
- 1.5K North of Thera
- 26 Archives of the Terraformer
- 257 The Matsuhama Arena
- 885 The Golden Dais of Creation
- 299 The Scarlattan Theatre
- 149 The Blank Canvas
- 2K Getting Help
- 412 General Questions
- 258 Quick Class Questions
- 1.3K Tech Support
- 313 Client Help
- 486 Curing Systems and Scripts
- 841 Off-Topic
- 255 The Wander Inn
- 586 The Universal Membrane
- 298 Class Discussions
- 298 Individual Class Sections
- 20 Alchemist
- 9 Apostate
- 30 Blademaster
- 9 Depthswalker
- 14 Druid
- 4 Infernal
- 20 Jester
- 19 Magi
- 34 Monk
- 11 Occultist
- 8 Paladin
- 7 Priest
- 29 Runewarden
- 18 Sentinel
- 26 Serpent
- 20 Shaman
- 9 Sylvan
Comments
I hope you like it. I put a lot of effort into making the jaggedy edges.
ETA: fine, since you're so picky
http://m.imgur.com/dbf44Ip?r
Also, obligatory "Jesus Christ, Marie" regarding you correcting me that they're mineral deposits.
corrugated bark twists and encases her willowy form in earthen hues. A crown of drooping
branches shrouds much of her upper body in their slender, whip-like cascade, the elongated
leaves borne upon each forming a pale and shimmering veil of green and white teardrops that
sway with every movement. Down to the gnarled roots that have replaced her feet, Cataleya's
supple limbs are ensnared within thick, black vines. Constantly undulating with a mesmerising
and sinuous grace, the creeping tendrils writhe a captivating dance, the invitation a lure to
all who might fall prey to their savage adornment of jagged emerald thorns.
A special thank you to @Nicola for taking my design and working her magic over it so it turned out flawless and exactly how I wanted it to look. A big thank you to @Makarios for locating a missing fullstop and then getting it to where it was supposed to be. @Mishgul, this happened all because of you. I hope you're as proud of it as I am.
Noted on both accounts though, and thanks.
Nature forgives:
[Rough strokes have been used with a variety of natural dyes to paint the scene.]
[A deserted city lies in ruins atop of a hill under a blue sky, its streets empty and quiet. Scattered randomly throughout the city, saplings grow steadily towards the sun warm embrace, while the forest outside the urbanities creeps closer and closer to its boundaries. That what is left of the once so tall buildings are now a few crumbled walls covered with ivy, the vines patiently reclaiming the land inch by inch. The black clouds of heavy industries have perished and been replaced with numerous colourful birds flying through the air.]
The falsity of urbanisation shall be undone and the land returned to Nature.
Nature provides:
[Rough strokes have been used with a variety of natural dyes to paint the scene.]
[Throughout a deep-green forest of towering oaks runs a clear ankle-deep creek, in which a man stands with a fishing pole in his hands. A bait bucket sits on the bank of the creek, a net with the catch of the day rests in the water to keep the fish fresh for consumption. A little further down the stream sits a woman, a group of children sitting in a circle around her. A stick in her hand points at the flora growing at the base of a tree, her other hand depicting a motion as if to pluck something out of the ground. Besides each child lies a small group of freshly harvested plants along with a wooden pot.]
Nature provides all you need for your survival. You must only heed Her lessons.
Nature survives:
[Rough strokes have been used with a variety of natural dyes to paint the scene.]
[A man clad in leather sits on his knees between two tall willow trees, his environment blackened and charred. No flora lives here anymore as it has been exterminated by an unknown individual. Brightly coloured birds sing their song high up in the trees, as if the extermination never took place. A pair of squirrels chase each other through the lower branches, causing leaves to gently whirl towards the violated ground. The hands of the man are cupped around a fragile seedling, hovering above a shallow hole freshly dug in the earth. The bright green leaves of some recently planted saplings stand out against the barren husks of the old forest, their leaves waving on a gentle breeze.]
Nature will endure, but to aide Nature is to aide yourself.
Cycle of Nature:
[Rough strokes have been used with a variety of natural dyes to paint the scene.]
[Bleeding out on a field of tall grass lies a buffalo slain, its intestines brutally ripped out of its corpse. Their pelts stained with fresh blood a few young jaguar cubs roll about the field, playfully pouncing each other after their abundant meal. Watching over her cubs lies a black-spotted jaguar. Catching her breath after the hunt, her eyes scan her surroundings for danger. Being careful not to draw the attention of the jaguar on him a lone black hyena lurks restlessly behind a slope in the grasslands, his eyes fixed on the corpse of the buffalo.]
Your life shall return to Nature's embrace eventually.
or rather
what aren't natural dyes. There aren't exactly factories manufacturing red #4 in Achaea (are they?). I can't tell if the use of this word is a faction philosophy thing I should ask ig or just a typo (I figured it wasn't, since typically people tend to Capitalize Special Codewords in their Ethos)
I like this btw. More public propaganda efforts pls
but that could just be my fellow filthy treehugger bias coming through
I want to customize my new pair of eagle wings, I managed to come up with something but I've never really designed anything so some feedback/grammatical errors/streamlining/tips to improve would be awesome!
All criticism is wanted
Shamanic wings of etched bone
Tossed here is a mass of bone fragments, their shape roughly resembling wings.
Two large skewers of aged bone, each bent to a slight angle, make up the spine and structure of these wings. Jutting off of these bone supports are a myriad of tinier splinters and fragments, held in shape by an unknown force. These shards of bone make up the body and mass of these distinctive wings. Upon closer inspection, it can be seen that each piece of bone has had a unique mural etched upon its surface. Each engraving seem to be a depiction of a Shamanic art, from spiritual communions, to cruel images of those suffering at the hands of curses and Vodun dolls.
Dropped - This forces the viewer to assume they're wings. If you're going to do that, you might as well say they're wings. What if you went with something like this? -- A pair of wings lies in a mass of bone fragments here.
Examined - Dissecting sentence-by-sentence here.
Two large skewers of aged bone, each bent to a slight angle, make up the spine and structure of these wings. -- You might consider adding an adjective before wings, like gaunt, skeletal, or macabre.
Jutting off of these bone supports are a myriad of tinier splinters and fragments, held in shape by an unknown force. -- Suggest using unseen instead of unknown. You know what it is, so it's not entirely unknown, but it sounds like it's not visible to mortal eyes.
These shards of bone make up the body and mass of these distinctive wings. -- You use "bone" a lot in this description - in four sentences in a row, actually. Consider replacing with a synonym.
Upon closer inspection, it can be seen that each piece of bone has had a unique mural etched upon its surface. -- The use of "has had" is passive and weakens writing. Try putting the murals as the subject and combining with the next sentence. For example - Upon closer inspection, murals etched upon the surface of the bone depict Shamanic arts, from spiritual communions to victims suffering at the hands of baleful curses and Vodun dolls.
Each engraving seem to be a depiction of a Shamanic art, from spiritual communions, to cruel images of those suffering at the hands of curses and Vodun dolls.
I like the sword scrimshaw
These are cool
Just a stylistic comment: you've used 'bone' like six times. Try to reduce that to 1-2 to avoid word fatigue. Basically that your bony wings made of etched bone have bone fragments of bony bone in the examined. We got it the first time. Edit it down to simplify and see if it still makes sense. Use synonyms only if you must. Osseous? Skeletal? I don't know.
I think your dropped desc is fine.
This is scrimshaw by the way
and it does sound like that's what you're going for. Carvings. Etchings. Light relief. Not a wall painting
"Guess the keyword" is one of my least favorite activities in the game.
And you won't understand the cause of your grief...
...But you'll always follow the voices beneath.
ideas: add more description regarding the etchings, be more descriptive re: what kind of bones (I assumed long bones like thigh, arm, etc. but perhaps animal's jawbones or whatever you were intending), add more detail to the pinions/feathers/outer edges of the wings, describe the rattle the bones make as the wings move (or the eerie silence as the fragments float through empty space, whatever).
(Edit: realized spoiler button is a bit funky. No idea how to fix it.)
"Finite" (Page 1)
Utilizing the subtleties of light and dark ink washes on beige paper, the horizontal painting steals a glimpse of a pilfered city. Left for nature to gather its presence, dry and wispy brushstrokes texturize the derelict buildings as moss caresses its splintered exteriors and foundations. Cast as relics of a formerly prosperous era, their silhouettes resemble charcoal etchings against the overcast skies. Centrally situated, thick and raucous smears depicts a temple as it yields to its surroundings; its walls barely discernible through the colonized flora and stippled ash. A large sign, worn and indecipherable, hangs upon nails driven into the solid temple doors.
"Final Slumber" (Page 1)
The oil portrait depicts a garden at sunset, a mossy stone wall in the foreground and a brittle iron bench being crucial elements. Behind them, blue-gray silhouettes of low hanging trees intermingle with glimmers of the orange horizon burning through. The rays divulge a pastel figure on the bench, elegantly slumped and feminine upon further study. Her colorless attire blends into the creeping shadows, but her expression is significantly etched. It holds an unsettling quality; lifeless eyes exposed and mouth protesting her final slumber. As if offering no reprieve in curiosity, the artist signs off with a refined, 'S.C.'
You read what is written on a plain parchment scroll:
"The Graveyard of Warriors" (Page 1)
The monochrome painting depicts a battleground of devastation amidst an eroded field washed in gray. Shadowy brush strokes spin the detritus finale of battle, its outcome none too victorious for either side. Silhouettes of broken corpses poke through patches of grass, their features far beyond recognition, while fragments of metal glitter amongst the blackened crannies. Intensified streaks of white intermingle with gray to create the illusion of smoke as it lifts the ashes to the bloated sky above. Positioned in the upper right hand corner, feminine calligraphy reads, 'In war, we are cursed. In death, we are damned.'
-Dropped-
Like a bloodied wound, a grisly shield stains the ground here.
-Description-
Carved roughly from coagulated blood, this macabre shield is preserved by crystalising the medium in a frozen state. In a grotesque display, a matrix of platinum writhes through the carmine ice, veining and shaping the gnarled clots to reveal skeletal remains. Fractals of blood and ice glisten beneath the arctic surface, encasing sinew and osseous material. The glacial anatomy twisted within the shield's surface creates a lurid imagery of grasping digits and fractured bone, bathed in crimson tones. On the inner curve, cracked digits protrude from the surface at both ends, tightly gripping stretched straps of charred leather between them to provide a firm grip for the shield. Wafting from the sanguineous defence, the distinctly metallic scent of dried blood clings to the wielder.
a pair of wings hewn from gristly flesh
-Dropped-
Reduced to bone shards and gristly flesh, a pair of wings lies in disarray.
-Examined-
Stripped of their feathers, these grotesque wings are a bloodied mess. Scabbed over from
the violent separation from their downy tufts, the skeletal frame bears a layer of flayed flesh that has been cured to preserve the features of the heads it was removed from. Fresh rajamala catgut littered with shards of splintered bone fragments holds the skin together. On closer inspection, the flesh, which resembles well-preserved leather, harbours memories of tattoos which outlasted their hosts, the once bright inks faded to the appearance of watercolours on raw suede. In place of a harness, latches attached to rings curling around the neck and wrists allow the two sides to drape like a cloak across the wearer's back. Dangling from each wrist, the shrunken head of an enemy grimly sways back and forth, eyes permanently rolled back in their sockets.
An outfit for Bo's granddaughter's guy (after all, he paid her and then.. I rather wandered off. This must be rectified!)
An outfit for Bo's granddaughter (ditto above notes)
Dish of candy for someone who also already paid for it.
Once upon a time, I paid someone to do something easy (not design work) and then he left realms for a long time. Two Issues (and a few RL years) later, he reappeared, handed me off a slipshod job that barely met the technical requirements, way too late for why I had asked him in the first place, and then he wandered off again. I do NOT want to do this to other people!! Still, I haven't been playing Achaea lately. I thought recentlyish that I was ready to come back (enough that I went and made a disposable alt for getting the hang of game mechanics again*, played on her for a day or so) but I am not.
Pair of imaginary wings. This is going to be a challenge! It would also be for my own use.
Green version of Bo's dress, with matching gloves and shoes. After all, she's a grook again now! This will be pretty simple, since I can just use the same desc as my originals, but change the colour.
*(Disposable alt may return if I feel ready again. Those who wonder if I'm somehow using her as a spy: I guarantee she is not a newbie in your org. No city, no House, no clan. And since I mean her to be disposable, she shall remain so.)