Understanding weddings (in-game)

Drauka

Off the post that @Lianca made, I'm curious to understand weddings in-game. Can someone explain them to me? I don't get it. The characters themselves fell in love or the people behind the characters had/have something going on, like an internet romance?

I'm not being rude or anything, I just honestly don't get it.

Nellaundra

It's never preplanned, really.  Nell met Tessa by chance and they just kinda hit it off.  It's just organic roleplaying - the characters act and react with each other.  I mean, it's basically the same thing as becoming IC friends with someone but with romance.

To go further, the pair have been together for more than a decade at this point and are still quite happy (though RL events on both our parts have kept the wedding from happening)

It all depends on the people.  I'm happy with about any roleplay, and thus I didn't shy away from Nell getting feelings for her at a point.  It's all about the characters.

Kyrra

Myself and the player behind Khairt are friends and have never been romantically involved. Our characters have been married for about 260 years in game, which is about a decade now.

In my situation, it was between roleplaying and planning things OOCly. We sat down, had a conversation on the pros and cons to letting our characters marry, and it went from there. The characters are very much in love, and we both have a good distinction on the difference between IC and OOC. It seems to work well for us.

Averi

imo, any ic character relationship with an ooc relationship/feelings behind it is doomed to complicated disaster.  But that might be because my character is not me... at all. 

Weddings are ways for my character to be herself. Just because Averi likes a guy doesn't mean I like him too.  Romance is an important part of her character. Some of my other chars don't do the whole relationship thing mainly because that's not who they are. Weddings are just one way to like rp the entire thing out. 

Berenene

As an expansion, I wonder if players who are friends in RL, have had their characters develop a relationship and marry IG and from that have eventually gone on to have a relationship and marriage in RL too.

Jiraishin

I think there was at least one thread on that in the old forums.

Berenene

I know there are people who have met IG then RL and had a RL relationship from there.

Katzchen

Romance RP is just another layer of character development. One that can be unique in bringing out a softer/sweeter side in an otherwise harsh/strict character, so can be very interesting.

Some relationships are purely IC. Some have no IC/OOC border, and what the character feels is what the player feels. Some are in between, where you can have strict IC/OOC barriers, so there are major differences between the characters and players relationships, and often levels of devotion - I mean it makes sense to fall head over heels for someone over an IC year, but not two weeks!

Ruth

IG wedding/intimate relationships that become full-blown crush and love relationships IRL often cause more trouble than not. Learnt that a couple of times. Both sides need to be mature about things progressing in the game and decide if it makes them uncomfortable IRL or not.

Yang and I are good friends outside of the game.

Lianca

Sohl's player and I are great friends outside of Achaea, but that's become the case way after Lia and Sohl got together. ICly those two just fit, she's a nagging workaholic and he's a layabout combatant and they have their cute moments. It's really a way to add another dimension to a character, from scholar to fighter to religious, a relationship allows for family and a sharing of the things they do together. Lia and Sohl share a lot of religious, House and city ties, that strengthens them and the work they do.

Valden

One of my old characters (almost, was engaged for 1234567 months) married the person I was dating at the time and that failed terribly, we had totally different play styles and levels of OOC/IC boundaries and taking the relationship as an assumption from the start just killed any character development for the both of us.

Like with most things I find in Achaea, it always works better in you let it play out in organic RP, keep in mind that you and your character may be related, but you live in different worlds with different attitudes and motivations.

Tanaar

There are also very clearly some IG relationships that are entirely not about character development, and more about Internet crushes because of lonely real lives. Others still are a mixture, where one person has some well-intentioned character development in mind, and the other is a lonely semi-stalker who somehow gets my phone number and calls me at work.

Nizaris

Myself, I'm married in real-life. Having Nizaris fall in love with any character played by anyone other than my wife just feels wrong to me. As Emily will never play Achaea, that makes Niz celibate. Yes, I understand IC/OOC separation, but I simply choose to not separate my character's romantic feelings from my own, and so I build a pretty thick brick wall there. Works out for him, IC, though, because Mhaldor's Apocrypha explicitly forbids romantic involvement, and Nizaris is an ascetic.

I can understand un-married folk looking for some fun, and hell, my wife and I met online (on a dating website, not a game). But, I'm just past that point in my life (thank God; being married is so much better than dating). If I can't feel good telling my wife a story about what I did in game, then it's probably not a good idea to do.

But yeah, general perception from my outside-looking-in perspective here is that the focus is on character development, as others mentioned. In Mhaldor, I play out close relationships with my proteges whom Nizaris treats as mutual adversaries in what would ideally be a Sith Lord apprentice kills the master kind of way. He also offers adoption (not bloodlining) to proteges who advance to HR5.

In regards to marriage, I could see it working in Mhaldor -- at least in principle -- as a sort of eugenics program, in which marriages/bloodlining are arranged by a central authority for biological benefit to create a master race of some sort. Pedigrees, and a viewpoint of the populace as chattel would be prevalent, etc. Makes for a fun thought experiment, but I don't see it working in practice.

Katzchen

I think there are two ways for romance/marriage to work from an IC perspective in Mhaldor - one is for both parties to acknowledge that Sartan/Mhaldor/etc comes first, and their partner is a clear second, and that you have chosen your partner because of their strengths. The other is to acknowledge that there is some major flaws in your priorities, and question how you can remain devoted to both - possibly by working at it till you are back in the first example, or leave Mhaldor, or just continue on, secretly knowing you are not as ideal a servant of Evil as you appear on the outside.

Isn't the Apocrypha the one that's kind of a huge joke? I have never heard good things about it - correct me if I'm confusing it with something else, clearly I haven't read it in a long time, but if that's the case, that wouldn't stop me.

Hyraeth

Yeah, I never understood it either (I'm speaking as a single person). I mean, on some level I think it's cool when characters develop enough to have a relationship/marriage with someone, but personally (maybe because I'm usually weirded out by touchy-feely stuff in RL as well), it weirds me, the player out so I never wanted Hyraeth to go that way. I did have her roleplay an unrequited love for a couple of RL years because I figured I had /some/ responsibility to have her have /some/ romance in her life (while I, the player had some romance issues IRL, might I add) o . O but -- I play games (MUD/graphic etc) to /run away/ from stuff like that so I generally scare the players off who are trying to court my girl. Now I just say she's shacked up with Tremayn and have her be all woeful because people keep killing her hunny. I think that's more than enough romance and drama for her, amirite?

Katzchen

Romance RP does not = mudsex. The two often mix, but you can find them seperate as well. I have always found it difficult, because while I enjoy flirting and stuff, that doesn't mean I want to sleep with someone, and I don't want to give them the wrong idea. As such I tend to err on the side of brushing them off, unless I've spoken to them about it OOCly, which is always an awkward conversation to bring up.

Mishgul

Finding a wife IC is easier than finding a wife OOC especially in the clashed culture i experience as a pakistani in britain. Not that i've settled down in either case. I tend to get clingy as a person so i try not to get -as- involved any more incase @Cooper murders me or emotional chaos ensues. Character seperation is a pretty recent thing for me, i am trying to suicide bomb less in game etc.

Hyraeth

Even romance roleplay gives me the heebie-jeebies, I completely do not understand the mudseXX0r at all. Also, whenever anyone mentions the mudseXX0r, I hear a voice in my head say "I put on my robe and wizard hat" and I'm all "kekekekeke" >.<

(now I'm no longer at 42 posts. *is sad*)

Tahquil

First IG 'relationship' was formed purely because of OOC friendship. Gildenlow and I use to speak on the Aussies clan and when he heard I was getting bothered by a person with mudsex intentions he literally swooped in and proposed engagement (tracked, mangled all my limbs and asked me to marry him). I think it worked well between us and we played it off as basically a loveless relationship, he was engaged to me because he saw me being powerful later on and wanted in on it, I marrying him because he was already a high ranking citizen of Mhaldor and would help her career.

Second being Mathonwy, we've been friends IRL for years as well as IG. There's been a healthy respect between the two characters since their inception, pretty much every 'crisis' Tahq's had in her life Math's been there. City swaps, class swaps, general ranting. Even when giving him some bad advice in sarcasm and him following it to her irritance. Retroactively I've been playing it off as Tahq somewhat stalking him, just silently observing and assessing him. OOC we've joked about it for a while then one day we were like 'why the fuck not?'

As for IC intimacy, it's more expressed with words and attitudes to him which separates him from the inferior world. And the extent of my ability to make intimate emotes is 'emote does the makey-outy stuff'.

Tahquil

Woah that was a lot of words to say nothing.

Math and Tahq will probably never get married because, I don't think either of us really give a shit. Plus just staying engaged gives me a count of how long it's been since my last hissy fit at Math.

I've never been one of those girls who dreamed about their wedding day, who look through 'Perfect bride' Magazines or plan dresses etc. and I think that's something that you sorta, need to organise a IG wedding. It's a way to have what you want, but probably can't do/afford/put together.

But if I did, we would have an elephant and do it as a mother fucking trapeze act.

Katzchen

@Tahquil I haaate the thought of organising an IG wedding. Katz's ex husband basically insisted on an actual public ceremony, and I was like, ugh. It was really small, and not much planning went into it, because I just hated the whole idea of it, and wanted it over and done with.

I don't get those women who go nuts over wedding plans. But then marriage has never been a big thing in my world. Neither of my parents married, even though my mum and 'stepdad' have been together since I was a baby.

If Katzchen ever marries again, I would insist on a private ceremony/vows/etc, just between her and her partner.

Sherazad

My first character was married maybe 3x. First one was with a friend I code with, the second was a friend I gossiped with >.> and the third was just because we can. While I have RP'd being married, I don't think I've RP'd being very in love. >.> It'll probably be too fake and exhausting so I've never tried. 

With Shera, I've learned to sort of be asexual (rofl siren tho) and it's working out quite well. 

Wysteria

The concept of marriage RP is most often IC (As it should be). There are some that end up having the OOC relationship grow and develop from the IC connection but it really is a case of each to their own. It can certainly change an image of a character in so many ways that you the player may not have realised before.

As an example, Wyst was always raised as a hard ass from the get-go, strict, incredibly impersonal but got things done and helped out when needed. In spite of that, people still wondered why she was single. She was engaged to someone for about 2 ic years and that had no real ooc connection at all - it was just pure RP. However. it got broken off for OOC reasons due to some pretty crazy shiz (way definitely the other party's fault) that made it difficult for a lot of people.

When Wyst met Exel, it started out as a rp friendship that slowly ended up with the two getting married. Think it's been over 20 IC years now. We're close friends OOCly now and I can't imagine that kind of friendship breaking even if the characters end up separating for whatever reason. The real challenge as a IC married couple is the fact we're on completely opposite timezones so it's like a long distance relationship, Achaea style! It showed a side to Wyst people rarely often saw, so from an RP perspective it can open up a lot of new avenues for you to play with.

...wow that was a post completely about nothing...

Kyrra

If your IC marriage survives a 5 (rl) year dormancy, you're married for life.

I like that Kyrra can do the pining thing when Khairt isn't actively playing but thankfully neither of us pin a lot on activity. It's lovely when the other is around but it's not a deal breaker if they are not.

I had actually wanted to have a proper wedding ceremony for Kyrra. I'd found the most gorgeous black wedding dress and veil in Mhaldor that was designed by Tyn. I really miss Tyn. Anyways, I got impatient after a while and when the waiting time was over, I dragged Khairt and Lady Selene together for a really simple wedding where were both just said "I do" and Selene made it official.

I really do enjoy that other side of Kyrra that is the wife and mother. It's seldom ever seen publicly but I think it gives her dimension all the same, which results in character growth.

Mishgul

I want to slap Tyn for her incessant coming back getting things half done then quitting again >(

Khairt is the manliest man I have ever met. He is what I aspire to be.

Amunet

Creepers are always a risk in an e-lationship. That is the nature of the internet. Thankfully, I don't have to worry about being stalked by @Orklanishkal. We have been friends in the game since we were newbs, we are friends OOC (as well as two people who have never actually met can be), and we know each other's boundaries - a good thing to establish if you ever end up getting text-married. 

The text-marriage itself just kind of happened. For Amu, meeting Ork was love at first sight, but Ork had zero interest in her. Or anyone else, for that matter. Amunet, however, loves a good challenge. Two centuries, ten rejected proposals, reams of soppy poetry, and a number of ardent debates later, Ork finally promised to marry her...eventually. Enter another fifty years of waiting. Amu had just about given up hope when, out of the blue, Ork (incredibly drunk) dragged Amu out into the desert and proposed (apparently under the threat of death from Flair). I didn't think they'd ever actually go through with the wedding, but after a relatively brief engagement, it happened - with all of the bells and whistles worthy of a TLC special on celebrity nuptials. Ork was surprisingly good-natured about the ordeal. The ceremony is chronicled somewhere on the forums. 

Trevize

Berenene said:

I know there are people who have met IG then RL and had a RL relationship from there.

Me and Avi? Though we met IG, we had a relationship OOC before our characters had one IC - tried it briefly, our characters completely clashed, they split up. We're still married, going on three years. We still play Achaea, though for me it was through an alt until I recently brought Trevize back and retired the alt.

(no more focusing on scripting! everyone bugged Trevize for scripting help, which really ruined the game - I don't mind friends, but when I had new people every day trying to take up most of my time, even just telling everyone 'no, I'm busy' became frustrating. that's not to say I won't post scripts up, mudlet is fun to script! just no more helping random people IG. forums only!)

Kenway

Kenway started flirting with @Averi so I could bother @Xae OOCly. It didn't work. But Averi was cool so Kenway gave her bacon and then she married him anyways. As Averi would say, the end.

EDIT: Also, if anyone has logs of the wedding (mainly the bit where Verrucht says you may kiss the bride and Scarlatti proceeds to do so), I would love to get those from you.

Averi

@Kenway that's like the most accurate description of our ig relationship ever. 

Averi started talking/annoying @Kenway mainly to annoy @Yure. Sadly when we were like "We're going out!" neither Yure nor Xae freaked out as we expected them to. It was anticlimatic. Xae was just like ok. Yure at least peered at us a bit.

Yure still says Averi's married to her brother because Averi couldn't win her heart.

Edit: I would like a copy of that log too if you guys have it, please! Mudlet crashed when I was trying to save it. @Verrucht holds the best weddings. 

Kenway

For the record, Kenway still says that's why you married him too.