Howdy, Stranger!
Categories
- 6.2K All Categories
- 3.1K Everything Achaea
- 1.5K North of Thera
- 26 Archives of the Terraformer
- 257 The Matsuhama Arena
- 885 The Golden Dais of Creation
- 299 The Scarlattan Theatre
- 149 The Blank Canvas
- 2K Getting Help
- 412 General Questions
- 258 Quick Class Questions
- 1.3K Tech Support
- 313 Client Help
- 486 Curing Systems and Scripts
- 841 Off-Topic
- 255 The Wander Inn
- 586 The Universal Membrane
- 298 Class Discussions
- 298 Individual Class Sections
- 20 Alchemist
- 9 Apostate
- 30 Blademaster
- 9 Depthswalker
- 14 Druid
- 4 Infernal
- 20 Jester
- 19 Magi
- 34 Monk
- 11 Occultist
- 8 Paladin
- 7 Priest
- 29 Runewarden
- 18 Sentinel
- 26 Serpent
- 20 Shaman
- 9 Sylvan
Comments
Artemis says, "You are so high maintenance, Tharvis, gosh."
Tecton says, "It's still your fault, Tharvis."
The Issue
With the popularity of velociraptor racing in Amarilland booming, the growing number of retired racing velociraptors being abandoned on the streets has become harder to ignore. As irresistibly cute pictures of sad-looking velociraptors fill up the pages of newspapers, the time has come for government action.
The Debate
"We're overflowing with velociraptors here!" exclaims Daniel Barry, owner of the Sunrise Velociraptor Retirement Lodge. "And we just don't get enough donations from the public to house them all. We're now facing a choice between turning away velociraptors, or putting them down. It's the velociraptor racing industry's fault we're in this situation - make them pay for homing the velociraptors they cast off."
"Not far enough!" declares animal-rights protestor Kayla Plath, wearing a velociraptor costume to show her sympathy for their plight. "There's only one reason that velociraptors get abandoned in the first place, and that reason is velociraptor racing. These poor creatures get cooped up in a cage all day and are virtually starved so they race well, all to line the pockets of some avaricious gambling bosses. The solution is obvious - ban velociraptor racing!"
"Hold on! Amarilland has a powerhouse Gambling Industry – do you really want to give it all up because of some velociraptors?" asks Lars Christensen, owner of the Amarilland City Velociraptor Stadium. "What we need is less regulation - so we can race the animals more often, and draw more punters in. Besides, the velociraptors love to race - at least compared to the beatings."
"There's a better solution to this all," suggests animal shelter volunteer Natalia Days, as she fixes a leash to a velociraptor. "There is a problem, but it isn't with the velociraptor racing industry; it's that not enough people are adopting velociraptors. All we need is a national campaign to persuade people to adopt a velociraptor - and you can set them an example!" Handing you a grizzled old velociraptor, she finishes, "Here's Buddy."
Best... Issue... Ever.
Artemis says, "You are so high maintenance, Tharvis, gosh."
Tecton says, "It's still your fault, Tharvis."
Artemis says, "You are so high maintenance, Tharvis, gosh."
Tecton says, "It's still your fault, Tharvis."
Brother knows best state sometimes, amirite?"This seems like a lot of needless work, if you ask me," says Lucas Live, your brother-in-law, while enjoying a foul-smelling beverage in your office. "Why should the people get to discuss you and your government anyway? Seems to me things would be much easier if you just told them what their opinion was and blocked out all others. After all, who knows what's best for them better than you, am I right? Cheers!"
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.
These issues make me giggle some days.
You have 3 new telegrams!
- 24 minutes ago: Following new legislation in
Mhaldoria, Mhaldoria's army is full of two-metre tall super-soldiers. - 5 days ago: Following new legislation in
Mhaldoria, soldiers are now equipped with multi-million sovereign battlesuits.
Aww yeah... now we talkin'.Artemis says, "You are so high maintenance, Tharvis, gosh."
Tecton says, "It's still your fault, Tharvis."
Artemis says, "You are so high maintenance, Tharvis, gosh."
Tecton says, "It's still your fault, Tharvis."
Artemis says, "You are so high maintenance, Tharvis, gosh."
Tecton says, "It's still your fault, Tharvis."
The Issue
Angry farmers have taken to the streets demanding the government to act after reported sightings of strange Carmain-like dogs eating all the crops in fields.
The Debate
"This unholy union should never have taken place to begin with," comments Bianca Rikkard, an angry farmer. "The Carmain was never meant to mate with a dog! They eat my crops, they attack my livestock and they're breeding so quickly they're swamping the environment! We can't make a living like this! You've got to give us the funds and manpower to shoot anything that comes within a mile of our property and put an end to these freaks of nature! We must wipe these creatures out now or before you know it all we'll be eating is fish."
The Dominion of Mhaldor is a huge, orderly nation, renowned for its compulsory military service, suspicion of poets, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 891 million Mhaldorians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."
The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mhaldor City. The average income tax rate is 47.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.
The Mhaldorian economy, worth 43.6 trillion Soveriegns a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Automobile Manufacturing. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 48,957 Soveriegns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.
A cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats hard drives across the country, several citizens have complained about scientists abducting their pets for experimentation, marketing departments of corporate giants compete to sponsor little league teams, and organ donation is compulsory. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Mhaldor's national animal is the Daemon, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.
The Mhaldor City Herald
Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
The Issue
The dead are rising from their graves to feast on the flesh of the living! Currently, only Daemon City has been affected. An immediate quarantine has been placed on the city, but with time running out for the survivors an emergency meeting has been called to decide what to do.
The Debate
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 3."You have to destroy the city!" gasps Stephanie Utopia, one of the few who escaped before the quarantine. "It's hell in there! If those things manage to escape then the whole country, nay the whole WORLD is doomed! We must send our biggest bombs into those streets and wipe them out!"
"No, there are people in there who need our help," says Lars Goethe, armed with a Winchester rifle. "We can't leave them to the mercy of the undead hordes. I say before we blow anything up we call in the army and anyone else willing to help, go in, track down any survivors we can find, and get them out. It's dangerous, but it's got to be done."
"I think we should study these creatures," muses Professor Marleen de Jong, expert in biological warfare. "Zombiism? Reanimated dead tissue? Fascinating! This is a golden opportunity for our nation... why, we could unleash these on our enemies! Everyone would shake in terror of our undead army!"
"Wow, these unholy terrors are really scary," notes Ivan Mhaldor, selling sausages in buns to bystanders. "They would make a great honeypot. I mean, how often do you see the living dead?! We could really turn a profit if we turn this place into a first-class thrill ride for visiting tourists. Want mustard?"
"I think we're forgetting that these 'zombies' are people just like you and me!" objects Ryan Rifkin, head of the newly-formed Undead Protection Alliance. "They deserve the respect that any deceased person should, if not more! Leave them alone, and let them have the city. It will be a victory for oppressed minorities everywhere!"
"Braaains... braaains...?" asks ardent anti-quarantine activist Matilda Chandra. "Braaains... braaains... braaains!"
The Issue
An old supporter of yours has recently passed on, leaving a quite sizeable plot of land to you in his will - but only under a rather unusual condition: that the site be developed into a colosseum for hosting gladiatorial fights and other bloody spectacles.
The Debate
"Yes, yes!" cries Falala Woolf, waving a wooden sword enthusiastically. "You've gotta do this, man! Gladiator fights are like the ultimate in spectator sports! And it doesn't just have to be people! We could pit man against Daemon! Blade against claw! Nothing to their names but their wits and their stamina! You'd have to pay people a lot to risk their lives doing this but I bet you'd earn a whole lot more from merchandise and wagers and stuff!"
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.
"That's just sick," says Larry Nguyen, president of the Kill Violence Now Association. "I don't believe you'd find anyone willing to watch actual people tearing each other apart. It's savage and horrible! It's even worse than boxing! Violent sports should be outlawed for the sake of this country's moral integrity. I'm sorry, I've got to go - I'm ashamed you're even considering this."
"Actually, we could use this to our advantage," whispers Chief of Police, Erica Delauter. "Why not just force convicted criminals to fight for the amusement of the public? They'll be paying for their crimes, contributing to society, and totally freeing us of having to build jails to throw their useless hides in!"
The Government Position
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.
The Karamdor Times
Who Stands For The socionationalistic empire Genocidia?
The Issue
After the unfortunate and untimely death of The socionationalistic empire Genocidia's premier sporting mascot just before a major national Calvinball competition, the decision regarding his replacement has been pushed higher and higher up the chain of command until now, having somehow reached your desk.
The Debate
"The socionationalistic empire Genocidia should show that it c-cares for everyone," stammers once-world class juggler, Fleur Peters, now a nervous paraplegic, "Even the v-very weakest in our so-so-soci-country. Our compassion comes across in our welfare, our healthcare, our v-very w-way of life. That's why I sh-should be the one to represent it. After all, if I can do it, so can anyone!"
"No," growls a mysterious figure, audibly recovering from a tracheotomy, bedecked in a cape and cowl, "We need to prize the values that keep us safe, in government and outside it. The ones that keep citizens from a life of crime. Order. Justice. Parents. I will represent that. I am the hero The socionationalistic empire Genocidia deserves."
"But not the one it needs!" exclaims the chief executive of BurgerCorp, Klaus Fellow, striding into your office dressed as his latest product, "What The socionationalistic empire Genocidia needs right now is to plug the looming hole in its budget - and that's something we can do through corporate sponsorship! Just auction of the rights to field a mascot to the highest bidder, and the nation's pockets - and your own, my dear Fred - will start to feel decidedly less empty."
"Don't do it!" screams your personal advisor, Margaret Bush, somehow the most flamboyantly dressed yet, "Any decision we make now will be a political torpedo: all we've been given here is a choice between being seen as convulsive, compulsive or corrupt! What we really need to prize is choice: the choice of the people to elect their own mascot - and your choice to push any really difficult political decisions onto the voting public!"
Artemis says, "You are so high maintenance, Tharvis, gosh."
Tecton says, "It's still your fault, Tharvis."
RED Rover, RED Rover, Send Your Money Right Over!
LEGISLATION PENDING
The Issue
A group of very excited scientists has requested funding for a new space mission to land the Rapid Empyrean Delivery (RED) Rover on a passing comet.
The Debate
"It will be more than thirty-five years before we'll have another opportunity like this!" exclaims RED Project Leader, Megan Dodinas, nearly bursting with excitement. "Remember, no other nation has attempted a comet landing, so The socionationalistic empire Genocidia has the opportunity to add all kinds of discoveries to the body of scientific knowledge. Admittedly there's no guarantee that the RED Rover will successfully land, but I'm sure we'll work out all the technical details."
Accept
"There's a reason that other nations aren't blowing government money on worthless scientific projects," rants your military advisor, Chastity al-Zahawi. "Wasting billions to put a remote control toy on a giant ball of ice in space isn't going to prove anything. What our nation needs is the respect - and by respect I mean fear - of other nations. Let's take out that meteor as a demonstration to the world of our martial prowess."
Accept
A frantic-looking citizen with a tinfoil hat bursts into the room bellowing, "NO! Our weapons are no match for Cxaxukluth, The Blackness from the Stars. Cxaxukluth uses comets to deliver his messages of creation! We must divert our entire telecommunications infrastructure to communicate with the comet in order to discover his all-powerful commandments!" The lunatic collapses, mumbling gibberish.
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.
Artemis says, "You are so high maintenance, Tharvis, gosh."
Tecton says, "It's still your fault, Tharvis."