Leaving So Soon? Why, Of Course!

At this point, why wouldn't I?

To answer a long-standing question that I was asked in-game when my first character, Ryma, was depressed, I'm a minor, aged sixteen, mature for my age, and done with this community.

Yes, I played Ryma. And I was asked for my age. Why? Presumably to be categorized as an "edgy emo teen".

Ryma was depressed for a reason. I made his tragic backstory for a reason. See, I also have depression. I've found it is healthier to vent online, roleplay or otherwise, than cut myself or be annoyed with a therapist. And this community didn't even bother to ask, they just abused.

Ryma got more and more depressed because he was abused more and more, until he was called names ("idiot") and even shunned for his behavior. I eventually just stopped playing him because of the toxicity. Not just one or two characters behaved this way. Nearly everyone he met was terrible to him.

This put a ridiculous amount of stress on me. I cared about him. I understand it's "just a game", but I shouldn't vent in my own way just to feel like a target. Everyone copes differently. Embrace that fact.

I started over again as Sanyss, which was actually worse. He got frustrated and impatient once, and the very first reaction by other "characters" was "frustration that he's negative". Seriously? Sanyss was positive and he gets ticked once, as a character, and you start this again?

This is a roleplay. But it feels like a mob.

Note I did not even swear or name names, despite my fury.


  • MishgulMishgul Trondheim, Norway
    Should have taken you Atavian hunting :(


    One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important

    As drawn by Shayde
    hic locus est ubi mors gaudet succurrere vitae
  • Sorry to hear it, when @sanyss joined Mhaldor I (and @stheno) tried to encourage you to do things, which you did and I know we all thought it was great. You went some “enemy city” and investigated, made plans to use their weakness and we were happy. Encouraging you to continue but making note that not every observation you made could be jumped on by all of Smalldor.

    Next day, you quit Mhaldor unannounced and when I reached out you said you did not feel Evil. That’s perfectly fine (I did express it was a shame) but that is where interaction then ends for a Mhaldorian. I think if you had been more patient, tried to take in the place you were and enjoyed it more with less drive to change the world, you probably would have done great.

    (And yes @stheno, I know I’m not the best person to give that advise haha)

    I’d recommend taking it easy and not play if you don’t want to or it makes you feel bad or sad.

  • AthelasAthelas Cape Town South Africa
    Sanyss said:
    Proposed experiment:

    - Create new character
    - Deliberately play a faction and back-story that is completely unrelated to anything Ryma or Sanyss was involved in.
    - Re-asses and re-evaluate after 4 weeks of play with the new character.
    - Please let me know the result.
  • ArchaeonArchaeon Ur mums house lol
    Sanyss said:
     I'm a minor, aged sixteen, mature for my age
  • SophiSophi Rally Point
    Sorry you had a bad experience :(  Hope you try again.  I agree that playing a depressed character will only make things worse. People's opinion of you may not even be as bad as you perceive, and it's possible you're projecting your self-esteem onto other's actions (speaking from experience).

    Good luck and take care of yourself!

  • I’m sorry we didn’t interact as much as I’d have liked. I go into lows myself at times and sometimes it bleeds into my character - I try to distance myself, not as often as I should though. Previous posters have made great suggestions. Please take care of yourself.  
  • I'm very sorry that this didn't end up being a very enjoyable experience. I didn't get to interact with you, so I don't know much about the situation. That being said, even play-acting angst/instability/Illness/whatever-the-appropriate-term-is-for-a-given-circumstance can do a number on you if you are not careful. In my humble opinion, I would not recommend starting out with a very intense kind of character if you don't have a lot of experience with acting or RP.

    I have had very little RP experience myself before Achaea, and have not been playing for long, but I have some experience method acting some intense stuff in theater. There should be clear boundaries between your character and yourself. You should feel a clear difference from when you are a being a character with one set of problems and emotions, and when you are yourself, with another set of problems and emotions. If things start to bleed through or just stop being fun, you need to stop asap, take a moment and look closely at what is happening, internally. This is doubly true if you have any kind of mental health thing that is crossing over. I can also tell you that if I didn't have the previous knowledge I do, I would not have been able to enjoy a couple of the experiences I have had here- and I haven't even been a super heavy RP-with-other-players player, historically speaking.

    But, good for you for recognizing that you where in a situation that was not healthy and doing something about it. And if you decide to play again, maybe think about politely telling people ooc-ly if you become uncomfortable with something another player does, if you did not already try that. Sometimes the problems that a person experiences at a player don't translate well when you try to explain them as a character.
  • Two of the greatest tools for managing mental health are self-reflection and support networks. It's not difficult to see how games like Achaea, with opportunities for creative character development and interaction with other players, may appear to provide both; it's tempting to believe that they might. But at the end of the day, it's a game that, in and of itself, will provide neither.

    It may sound hard to believe - especially when you have had experience with less competent providers (trust me, been there) - but the best thing you can do is to seek out qualified mental health professionals. You can discuss what you are going through and work with them to build strategies that work for you. That may include creative writing, and it may include gaming with friends. The important thing is that you will figure it out with someone who you trust to help you make the decisions that are right for you.

    PsychologyToday.com is a great place to find therapists and psychiatrists in your area. If you have a primary care provider you trust, you might want to talk with them about it, too.
  • Sadly, it's easier to find abusive trolls in a game like this than a caring friend. 

    In the end, it's a game to enjoy and relax with. If you're finding a game to be a cause of distress, then seeking a new game is probably the better choice.
  • I am going to preface this by saying this: I tend to be blunt. If you can't handle it, just keep scrolling.

    Having dealt with my share of depressed/depressing characters, that shit is taxing.

    Think about it like this... you log in as an outlet for depression IRL.  Why would you think anyone else who is also logging in to 'escape' RL for a few minutes, want to deal with it if you don't? 

    And seriously, if "idiot" is enough to throw you out of sorts you will, in fact, have a rough go of it in Achaea...and in life.  People can be assholes.  People on the internet, moreso. You have to get a bit thicker skin.

    Also, if you had issues like that, joining Mhaldor and expecting ANY sympathy was probably ill-advised. The city revolves around evil, where sympathy is antithetical.

  • Dude this thread is months old. 
    The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."

    (Clan): Ictinus says, "Stop it Jiraishin, you're making me like you."
  • Please don't necro.
This discussion has been closed.