Leaving So Soon? Why, Of Course!

Sanyss

At this point, why wouldn't I?

To answer a long-standing question that I was asked in-game when my first character, Ryma, was depressed, I'm a minor, aged sixteen, mature for my age, and done with this community.

Yes, I played Ryma. And I was asked for my age. Why? Presumably to be categorized as an "edgy emo teen".

Ryma was depressed for a reason. I made his tragic backstory for a reason. See, I also have depression. I've found it is healthier to vent online, roleplay or otherwise, than cut myself or be annoyed with a therapist. And this community didn't even bother to ask, they just abused.

Ryma got more and more depressed because he was abused more and more, until he was called names ("idiot") and even shunned for his behavior. I eventually just stopped playing him because of the toxicity. Not just one or two characters behaved this way. Nearly everyone he met was terrible to him.

This put a ridiculous amount of stress on me. I cared about him. I understand it's "just a game", but I shouldn't vent in my own way just to feel like a target. Everyone copes differently. Embrace that fact.

I started over again as Sanyss, which was actually worse. He got frustrated and impatient once, and the very first reaction by other "characters" was "frustration that he's negative". Seriously? Sanyss was positive and he gets ticked once, as a character, and you start this again?

This is a roleplay. But it feels like a mob.

Note I did not even swear or name names, despite my fury.

Mishgul

Should have taken you Atavian hunting

Plak

Sorry to hear it, when @sanyss joined Mhaldor I (and @stheno) tried to encourage you to do things, which you did and I know we all thought it was great. You went some “enemy city” and investigated, made plans to use their weakness and we were happy. Encouraging you to continue but making note that not every observation you made could be jumped on by all of Smalldor.

Next day, you quit Mhaldor unannounced and when I reached out you said you did not feel Evil. That’s perfectly fine (I did express it was a shame) but that is where interaction then ends for a Mhaldorian. I think if you had been more patient, tried to take in the place you were and enjoyed it more with less drive to change the world, you probably would have done great.

(And yes @stheno, I know I’m not the best person to give that advise haha)

I’d recommend taking it easy and not play if you don’t want to or it makes you feel bad or sad.

cheers!

Athelas

Sanyss said:

...

Proposed experiment:

- Create new character
- Deliberately play a faction and back-story that is completely unrelated to anything Ryma or Sanyss was involved in.
- Re-asses and re-evaluate after 4 weeks of play with the new character.
- Please let me know the result.

Archaeon

Sanyss said:

 I'm a minor, aged sixteen, mature for my age

doubt

Tahquil

Venting online issues such as depression is either a temporary stop gap that feels good for a moment before crashing or just antagonizes the already underlying issues in your life. Roleplaying depression while depressed also just compounds the fact.

If you are earnest about getting help, go to your GP and insist on seeing a psychiatrist, not a psychologist. Do small things to improve your quality of life like clean a window, make your bed every morning (trust me, these things are small but do make you feel together).

If you want try come back in a few months try not to paint yourself into a role so early on which can lead to frustration if people ignore or antagonize on it. Be a blank slate and find things you like and build organically around it. I hope this helps a bit to soothe.

Sophi

Sorry you had a bad experience   Hope you try again.  I agree that playing a depressed character will only make things worse. People's opinion of you may not even be as bad as you perceive, and it's possible you're projecting your self-esteem onto other's actions (speaking from experience).

Good luck and take care of yourself!

Nyneve

I’m sorry we didn’t interact as much as I’d have liked. I go into lows myself at times and sometimes it bleeds into my character - I try to distance myself, not as often as I should though. Previous posters have made great suggestions. Please take care of yourself.  

Numira

I'm very sorry that this didn't end up being a very enjoyable experience. I didn't get to interact with you, so I don't know much about the situation. That being said, even play-acting angst/instability/Illness/whatever-the-appropriate-term-is-for-a-given-circumstance can do a number on you if you are not careful. In my humble opinion, I would not recommend starting out with a very intense kind of character if you don't have a lot of experience with acting or RP.

I have had very little RP experience myself before Achaea, and have not been playing for long, but I have some experience method acting some intense stuff in theater. There should be clear boundaries between your character and yourself. You should feel a clear difference from when you are a being a character with one set of problems and emotions, and when you are yourself, with another set of problems and emotions. If things start to bleed through or just stop being fun, you need to stop asap, take a moment and look closely at what is happening, internally. This is doubly true if you have any kind of mental health thing that is crossing over. I can also tell you that if I didn't have the previous knowledge I do, I would not have been able to enjoy a couple of the experiences I have had here- and I haven't even been a super heavy RP-with-other-players player, historically speaking.

But, good for you for recognizing that you where in a situation that was not healthy and doing something about it. And if you decide to play again, maybe think about politely telling people ooc-ly if you become uncomfortable with something another player does, if you did not already try that. Sometimes the problems that a person experiences at a player don't translate well when you try to explain them as a character.

Torinn

As others have said here playing someone who is depressed can negatively affect you but something they didn't mention is it affects the people you interact with as well.  I've come across people who play gloomy characters but do it in a way that doesn't make me want to avoid them.  But for every one that does it successfully there are tons that do not.  I can't tell you the number of people I've seen come through the game that annoy me with their personalities.  Over-timid (I can't do it it's impossible) is one of the biggest offenders, but so are those who are constantly "oh woe is me" or those who think "everyone always blames me".  I know I'm not alone when I say that I intentionally avoid interacting with these people because not only is it not healthy for them but it threatens to bring down my play as well.  It stops being fun at that point.  It might be different if these characters would improve themselves and get over their obstacles but almost every single one never does so a whole lot of us that have been playing for a long time just write them off as a lost cause and don't interact because we want to have fun too instead of having to constantly reassure them.

Asani

I'm afraid our characters never met, so I'm certainly not directing anything here at your character or specific situation in game, since I wouldn't even know enough to speak on it. However, I just wanted to ramble a bit here if any of it would be relevant to you, since it reminds me a lot of when I started playing.

I joined Achaea when I was 15, and, quite honestly, the way I played it was almost certainly not helpful for my mental health at the time. For better or worse, Achaea is heavily dependent on finding people you enjoy playing with and putting in the time and energy to build on relationships with them. When people don't respond the way you expect to your character, it's incredibly easy to fall into thinking you're either playing wrong or can't get anywhere with your roleplay, even when people are entirely alright with your character. That's true in other cases as well, but especially when dealing with mental health, a lot can bleed between yourself and your character, even when you're not intentionally trying to roleplay those similarities.

None of this is to suggest that you're at fault for people being awful, and if you think you're better off leaving the game, then it's absolutely the right choice! But from my experience at least, mental health is far more likely to influence your enjoyment of your character than your character is to positively influence your mental health. No one is going to dismiss how important being able to vent is, but taking time to focus on your real life is the only way things there will improve, and using the game to focus on how you're feeling and hoping people respond as you need isn't a recipe for it to go well.

That all said, I'm really sorry things didn't work out well for you in game, and I hope that other experiences, either in other games or in your real life, go better for you.

Austere

"Idiot" has the be the most softcore insult ever levied by an Achaean player.  Fairly sure there's denizens with more insulting reactions to being kicked.  Achaea cannot be responsible for your mental health.  Expecting it to be isnt realistic.  It's a roleplaying game where good people play bad characters. If you're projecting yourself, you're going to have a bad time. Character separation extends to your ooc persona just as much as it does other characters you might play. 

Tesha

It sounds like this venting online strategy isn't really working out for you. This isn't necessarily healthier than avoiding therapy where you might "be annoyed by a therapist". I would definitely recommend seeking a therapist and bringing up (potential or otherwise) annoyance with them. There is definitely stigma that can make it difficult to seek mental health services, but therapy can be extremely helpful especially when battling depression.

If you believe you might hurt yourself before seeing a therapist, there's a national suicide hotline available at 1-800-273-8255. There's also a chat option available at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ .

Zackery

Two of the greatest tools for managing mental health are self-reflection and support networks. It's not difficult to see how games like Achaea, with opportunities for creative character development and interaction with other players, may appear to provide both; it's tempting to believe that they might. But at the end of the day, it's a game that, in and of itself, will provide neither.

It may sound hard to believe - especially when you have had experience with less competent providers (trust me, been there) - but the best thing you can do is to seek out qualified mental health professionals. You can discuss what you are going through and work with them to build strategies that work for you. That may include creative writing, and it may include gaming with friends. The important thing is that you will figure it out with someone who you trust to help you make the decisions that are right for you.

PsychologyToday.com is a great place to find therapists and psychiatrists in your area. If you have a primary care provider you trust, you might want to talk with them about it, too.

Mroxyl

Sadly, it's easier to find abusive trolls in a game like this than a caring friend. 

In the end, it's a game to enjoy and relax with. If you're finding a game to be a cause of distress, then seeking a new game is probably the better choice.