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A Grook in Vvardenfell (or, The Skinny Grook)
Boosteya's face focused, finally, on the dark-skinned tsol'aa beside her.
"You were dreaming," he said. "What's your name?"
"Where's Fyn? Isn't this his ship, the Cutty Sark?"
The red-eyed tsol'aa blinked at her. "We're aboard an Imperial prison ship. We're going to be released."
"Imperial? But the Empire fell hundreds of y-" His face stopped her words."Right. Dream. You said I was dreaming."
Boosteya blinked large, froglike eyes at the room around them.
"I wonde-"
"Quiet!" the tsol'aa interrupted. "Here comes the guard!"
The human guard took his time walking up to them. "This is where you get off," he said to Boosteya, carefully excluding the tsol'aa. "Come with me."
"What about him?" she asked the guard, who had already turned his back.
"You'd better do what they say," said the tsol'aa. "By the way, my name is Jiub."
"I hope to see you again, Jiub," Boosteya said, then muttered a prayer before hastening to follow the guard.
"You were dreaming," he said. "What's your name?"
"Where's Fyn? Isn't this his ship, the Cutty Sark?"
The red-eyed tsol'aa blinked at her. "We're aboard an Imperial prison ship. We're going to be released."
"Imperial? But the Empire fell hundreds of y-" His face stopped her words."Right. Dream. You said I was dreaming."
Boosteya blinked large, froglike eyes at the room around them.
"I wonde-"
"Quiet!" the tsol'aa interrupted. "Here comes the guard!"
The human guard took his time walking up to them. "This is where you get off," he said to Boosteya, carefully excluding the tsol'aa. "Come with me."
"What about him?" she asked the guard, who had already turned his back.
"You'd better do what they say," said the tsol'aa. "By the way, my name is Jiub."
"I hope to see you again, Jiub," Boosteya said, then muttered a prayer before hastening to follow the guard.
Miin-aan baash kimini-sij-i-gan bitooyin sij-i-gan-i bukwayszhiigan = blueberry π
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Boosteya pondered the situation.
"Um, well, my race is -"
"Sload, yes? You don't look like anything but a sload. Not that you look much like a sload either. They're typically very fat."
"I'm a grook," she said, then puffed out her neck to release the air in a croak, to emphasise her racial uniqueness.
"Grook? Never heard of it. Anyway, moving on. Class?"
"Um, I'm a jester?"
"That is not a class."
"Oh? Well, hmm. I was an occultist for a bit, before I became a jester."
"Also not a class." The clerk was getting annoyed. "Look, what sort of weapon do you use?"
"It's called a blackjack."
"Try again!" demanded the clerk, holding a form in her face.
Boosteya looked at the form he was presenting. "CU5T0M CL-455" was proclaimed above several checkable boxes, and she scanned through these.
"Um, okay. Uh, let's see. Blunt, uhhh I guess my tarot cards are marksman? Cards are useless til I inscribe them..."
Hours later, a very annoyed clerk finally convinced the rail-thin sload who insisted she was a grook to sign the document:
Major skills: blunt, marksman, mysticism, enchanting, illusion
Minor skills: speechcraft, mercantile, athletics, acrobatics, medium armour
I agree that the above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge.
Signed,
Boosteya, a grook.
Clerk's note: What is a grook? Is it an orc-sload hybrid?
The man in the room across the walled courtyard took the filled-out document the clerk had insisted be filled out just so, not even glancing at it. "This package came with the news of your arrival. You are to take it to Caius Cosades, in the town of Balmora. Go to the South Wall Cornerclub, and ask for Caius Cosades -- they'll know where to find him. Serve him as you would serve the Emperor himself. I also have a letter for you, and a disbursal to your name."
Balmora? Emperor?
Suddenly, Boosteya realised that her blank letter was useless. She'd wanted to write the instructions down, but for whatever reason, she was unable.
But then she felt the weight of the gold coins she'd been handed. Eighty-seven, not many. That was alright. Though of course, she still needed a weapon.
"Thank you," she said to the uniformed human, and left by the door opposite the one she'd entered.
After a blink of surprise, he started talking quickly in a high-pitched yet masculine voice. "Sorry, stranger. My time is short, but are you the one that boat dropped off? Odd to see a boat arrive at that time of the day. Hope the Imperials treated you okay. I swear they took my ring!"
Boosteya blinked her big, froglike eyes. "A ring?" Yes, there was a ring. She'd picked it out of a barrel in the courtyard without really thinking about it.
"I swear one of the Guards has it. I had it last week before their weekly 'Let's shake down Fargoth' ritual. An engraved healing ring, family heirloom of mine. You haven't seen it, have you?"
She pulled it from the many things she carried, again without really thinking about it, extending it toward him in her open, web-fingered palm. "Yes, I found it! Here; take it!"
He accepted it from her, examining it to confirm that yes, it was the correct ring. "You found it! Amazing! Thank you, thank you! You are now my favourite friend. I'll be sure to tell the others, especially my friend Arrille who runs the tradehouse here. Go see him, he'll be happy to see you now!"
Bo blinked again. The conversation had a strange quality to it, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. "Um, thank you." She turned away, the tsol'aa's attention entirely on the returned possession. She looked about. Tradehouse...? Then she saw the sign. Aha! She headed for the large building with the wooden walkway around it.
Boosteya pondered the situation. "Um, hi. Is there a way for me to take notes on things? I mean, I have a journal, but I don't want to only write in it when I feel the... compulsion?"
The tsol'aa blinked, his smile freezing into place. The dark-skinned tsol'aa to Boosteya's left looked up from browsing a nearby table to watch the conversation with as blank an expression as she could manage.
"Um, no? Okay."
Boosteya edged back out of the place, discouraged. I guess I better just walk to Balmora, she thought.
Which way was it again?
The silt strider would cost money. But away from the silt strider was a creature not far from town, a brown lump with pink mandibles. When it moved, she could see that it moved on six legs.
She decided to go attack it. It took a long time, since her only attack was punching it, but eventually, a guard came to her aid.
"Keep moving," he said before wandering back to town.
Disgusted and embarrassed, Bo fled down the road through the swamp. How am I supposed to kill anything?!
A trap?
Smack! And suddenly there was a tsol'aa body across the journal.
"Are you okay?" Bo asked, shaking the man gently. Suddenly she realised that the man was dead - and was also surprised to discover that she could take his things. She was unable to pull the body to the side of the road, but now she had a weapon. She went back toward Seyda Neen. First, see if that creature dropped anything. I wish I had my cleaver! Then, report that dead guy to the guards. Wait, I took his stuff! Maybe not report the body, but I better go back and clean up the mess.
One awkward conversation with the gold-skinned tsol'aa later, Boosteya emerged without the magical sword she'd "found," but with a new-to-her iron club. She'd kept the fancy clothes and the scrolls. She avoided talking to the woman, and stayed near the door.
Okay, time to go find another lumpbug, or whatever those things are...
Boosteya wielded an iron club in her right hand.
Daggerfall has this comedic book called 'fools ebony'
https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Fools'_Ebony
I took a little inspiration from it when I made my character
Results of disembowel testing | Knight limb counter | GMCP AB files