April Fool's, Over the Years

So, I got curious and decided to look back at the various April Fools jokes the staff played on us. I was surprised to see they only went back to 2009, starting with this one:
From   : Maya, the Great Mother
To     : Everyone
Subject: Aeonic turbulence
We have been exhaustively investigating sources of lag on our server for
some time now, and we have found two major causes. Firstly, the amount
of gold generated and stored on each character contributes hugely to the
dreaded aeonic disturbances. Gold is constantly being generated,
removed, or otherwise moved around in a way that over-stresses our
servers - for purchasing from shops, from gold drops while bashing,
quests, gambling, purchases from the credit market, et cetera.

In order to improve server performance, we will soon be implementing a
new system to replace gold sovereigns. Each character will receive a
'cheque card' on which will be stored a monetary value to represent
gold. Instead of getting gold sovereigns when you complete a quest or
kill a denizen that would drop gold, for example, the cheque card's gold
value would increase. We will be getting rid of personal bankaccounts,
though they will still exist for organisations. (Depositing and
withdrawing from banks will be changed to work with the cheque cards.)

In addition to resolving lag issues, I'm excited to say that we've
negotiated a mutually beneficial arrangement with a major credit card
company. They have agreed to sponsor the cheque system in return for us
implementing an additional opt-in system that will, at certain time
intervals, display current promotions and special offers to you when
your cheque card is used. If you choose to opt in to this system, then
whenever such a promotion is displayed to you, your cheque card's gold
count will increase.

I did mention a second major cause of lag, one which should be no
surprise to you as we have been battling it for some time. Our databases
are slowed down by the sheer amount of items. This is the reason, for
example, that we limit the number of items that can be stored in
stockrooms, and why we have increased vial capacity in the past - to
reduce the number of vials carried by adventurers. Unfortunately, our
efforts have not been enough, and there is still an overabundance of
items within adventurer inventories.

As a result, we have decided to set a weight limit to what can be stored
in inventories. We feel that this would add further realism as well -
how realistic is it that you can carry around 10 bear corpses and 20
full suits of armour at the same time, after all? We have not decided on
the maximum weight yet, but in the near future, you can expect that the
more weight you are carrying, the more it will affect you (slowed
movement, et cetera), until finally you are unable to move at all
without getting rid of some of your inventory. The Riding skill will
become more relevant as a result, as of course, you will be able to
carry more if you have a mount with you. Cart and wagons will become
available as well, for those who simply need to carry more, including an
extra-capacity artefact cart.

A third (and more extreme) solution we are considering at this point is
the possibility of splitting up Achaea into at least two separate
servers, where two versions of the game would run simultaneously. One
server would accommodate those connecting from countries in the Americas
(Canada, the US, and Central and South American countries), and the
other server would accommodate those connecting from anywhere else -
Europe, Africa, et cetera. We would hate to do this, obviously, as it
would mean you would no longer be able to play with adventurers from
certain parts of the world (and they, no longer with you), but there is
a possibility that it will become a necessity. In our research into the
feasibility of such a solution, we have found that, due to the vagaries
of internet routing, there is a chance that we may not be able to
include access to New Zealand on either of these servers. We will do our
best to find a way to work around that, if it comes to it.
Penned by My hand on the 18th of Ero, in the year 505 AF.

2010, a little less obvious: they totally messed up the website on purpose. I wish those of you who missed it could see it today.

From   : Tecton, the Terraformer
To     : Everyone
Subject: Website changes
As you may be aware, we've been in the process of commissioning new art
for an updated website. After tens of thousands of dollars and many
months of collaboration with designers and artists, we're pleased to
unveil our new website, filled with cutting-edge, next-gen, Web 2.0
technologies and media.

We feel that this new website will be a great marketing tool, propelling
us into the big leagues, with website features that rival our
competitors such as World of Warcraft, Rift, and Everquest 2.

Head over to http://www.achaea.com today and check it out!
Penned by My hand on the 16th of Phaestian, in the year 563 AF.

2011 was, of course, the year of the biggest skill tease ever, Dragon's extra skills!

From   : Tecton, the Terraformer
To     : Everyone
Subject: Dragon changes
We're just finishing up some new changes to Dragons. The details are as

Dragons gain two new skills, completing their skillset:
- Lairs (allowing dragons to make and customise a private area of
Sapience for their home).
- Kinmastery (granting dragons the ability to summon and control lesser
draconic brethren (Drakes and Wyverns)).

Due to the long period of time we have been opened, combined with dozens
of opportunities every year to earn double experience or more, we feel
that the current milestone for reaching level 99 is far too easy to
attain. Starting from this Friday at 00:00, we will be moving Dragon
from level 99 to level 150.

All existing dragons will be reverted back to their lesserform, and
their dragon colour removed. This means that players will get to
reselect their new colour for free when they hit the new milestone.

We realise that this has the potential to annoy some of our high-level
dragons, so we have put in some new high-level areas for our elite
hunters. Cardan and I have been working on a system which generates
random small islands (called atolls), which spawn at various locations
each Achaean month. Presently there are over 128000 possible
permutations of atoll, and we're looking at expanding this further in
the near future.
Penned by My hand on the 21st of Valnuary, in the year 534 AF.

2012 was mentioned somewhere on the forums: Tecton and Valnurana's fake baby.

From   : Tecton, the Terraformer
To     : Everyone
Subject: We're expecting!
Many of you know that Valnurana and I met, courted, and wed in
real-life, thanks to our involvement Achaea! The game and the community
as a whole continue to be an important part of our life together as we
continue to work side-by-side producing Achaea. We have always wanted to
find a way to honour the role Achaea has played in our lives, and the
opportunity has finally presented itself! After two glorious years of
wedded bliss, we are overjoyed to be expecting our first child! And so
we are going to let you - the players - choose the middle name for our

We want to have an Achaean name - this could be the name of a denizen,
your own character, or even a place in-game... As a heads-up, we are
pre-emptively veto-ing "Underworld" and "Zsarachnor" but pretty much
anything else will be considered. We won't be finding out the gender of
our little bundle of joy (we want to be surprised!) so
male/female/unisex names are all on the table!

How it will work:
- Make a post on the forum thread with your suggestion(s):
- We'll go through and select our 10 favourites from the list (5 boys
names and 5 girls names) and add them as two separate forum polls.
- Vote for your favourite boy and girl name, and when the poll closes
we'll announce the winner!
- Be patient and wait about 6 months... we'll post a scan of the birth
certificate with the winning name!
Penned by My hand on the 14th of Mayan, in the year 592 AF.

Strangely, 2013 didn't have a joke. We just got 15 credits. A little boring (but nice!).

2014 was a little too on-the-nose, to be honest. Everyone knows no one ascends anymore.

From   : Tecton, the Terraformer
To     : Everyone
Subject: April: A time for revelry!
ith the Garden of Gods bereft of so many brothers and sisters in the years that followed the Bal'met 
Saga, the Pantheon has declared that we are in need of a fresh young deity to lift Their spirits and 
bolster Their numbers! A call for the Drunken God of Revelry has gone out... and one lucky mortal 
may be the answer! (Yes, we know Pandora would happily fill the role, but she's still too young to 

Throughout the month, we will be running a special, unprecedented lottery open to every single 
player. To get a ticket, complete the quest described below 21 times during the month of April (the 
quest may only be completed once per day). Those who complete it more than the minimum will receive 
an additional lottery ticket for each completion (up to 10 tickets total).

At the end of the month, a single winner will be drawn... and he or she shall be rewarded with 
ascension from mortalhood directly to divinity!

So what do you have to do? Simply visit your favourite purveyor of alcoholic refreshments (or pull 
out your drinking horn should you possess one) and get falling-down-drunk! Specifically, you want to 
see "drunk" when viewing SCORE VITALS. Then make your way to the main hall of the Brass Lantern Inn 

If drawn as the winner, you will be able to choose a new name, play the starring role in an epic in-
game event, and claim a throne within the lofty Garden of the Gods.

Will YOU become the Drunken God (or Goddess!) of Revelry?

Penned by My hand on the 1st of Miraman, in the year 651 AF.

Share the memories!


  • Treyal said:
    Luckily for all of us, the "Web 2.0 site" is still available here: http://achaea.com/local/af.php
    You can even vote from it, nice.
  • NimNim
    edited April 2015
    I love the HTML.

    Those tables. Those non-breaking spaces for the marquee. That almost complete lack of CSS (aside for a single style attribute :( ).

    It's just so beautiful.

    It could only be better if the Play Now! pointed to an oldschool java applet with the same functionality as telnet and perhaps a handful of buttons that sent specific lines or something.

    Now I want to make that. :c
  • The website joke was 5 years ago... wow
  • The website gets me because even today it's better than so many other MUD sites :D
  • AktillumAktillum Philippines
    edited April 2015
    I remember one where they announced that they were introducing a weight limit to inventory, and selling artefact wheelbarrows to push all your denizen corpses around.

    Ah nevermind, that was tied in with the cheque cards.

  • SkyeSkye The Duchess Bellatere
    Are you trying to commit suicide, doing illusions with Divine names in it. >_>

  • They probably would've looked at it and laughed, I would guess.
  • TharvisTharvis The Land of Beer and Chocolate!
    it still happens more often than you'd imagine, very cringe-worthy (isn't that restriction in HELP ILLUSIONS ?)
    Aurora says, "Tharvis, why are you always breaking things?!"
    Artemis says, "You are so high maintenance, Tharvis, gosh."
    Tecton says, "It's still your fault, Tharvis."

  • AktillumAktillum Philippines
    edited April 2015
    Its illegal to impersonate divine in illusions but usually only if you have some nefarious purpose (like illusioning Sarapis telling people to say their password). A little joke illusion like that is probably fine.

    I got warning-zapped for illusioning "What is your password? Welcome to Achaea!" (on a boat with Goggo, not in public, was trying to see if it made him put up defences). The speed at which I was warning-zapped though like literally 2.5 seconds after I cast the illusion leads me to believe they have that stuff on some sort of watcher.

  • Aktillum. You should avoid killing other players from now on. You're at 666. :wink: 
  • In hindsight, my joke wasn't very wise. My apologies to Lord Sarapis. HELP ILLUSIONS

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