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Battle of the Theran Warp

JurixeJurixe Where you least expect it
edited September 2012 in The Blank Canvas
So I have horrible timing, because the month with no theme ends and I finish my story in time for the one that does. Oh well. More time to edit!

Written for a friend! I promised you you would get your birthday present! I hope you like it when you get around to reading it.

As usual, based off a real event, but not following it exactly as that would make the story wayyyy too long. I cut out a lot of random sniping and the ending wasn't really like that. I don't really remember what it was now, just lots of chasing probably.

I had a lot of fun though! :D I hope the other people involved did too. It is somewhat of a long story, just to warn beforehand, and not as polished as I would like but that usually takes me a few weeks of letting it sit and coming back to it, so I figured I may as well post it first in case someone sees something I missed.

Enjoy!


I forgot about the word limit in posts now. This makes me sad (when I first pasted this it was 61k characters over the limit), but I guess there's always pastebin.
If you like my stories, you can find them here:
Stories by Jurixe and Stories by Jurixe 2 

Interested in joining a Discord about Achaean RP? Want to comment on RP topics or have RP questions? Check the Achaean RP Resource out here: https://discord.gg/Vbb9Zfs


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Comments

  • LiancaLianca Fire and Spice
    Loved it, great work again!
    The sweltering heat of the forge spills out across the land as the rumbling voice of Phaestus booms, "I want you to know, the Garden reaction to that one is: What?"
    The voice of Melantha, Goddess of the Seasons, echoes amid the rustle of leaves, "That's the censored version."
  • TvistorTvistor
    If Alyssea were less obvious the entire story would be the 'wormhole being spliced' line x 15.
  • SherazadSherazad Planef Urth
    I feel like a newb rediscovering Achaea's magic. Thank you.
    Bleh, work ate my gaming life.
     내가 제일 잘 나가!!!111!!1


  • CorbeauxCorbeaux
    Well written! If only wormhole conflict could be as enjoyable as this piece, I might not mind it as much!

    Hats off to the serpent players in Mhaldor. Keeping it real, as always. :)
    (Party): Mizik says, "This can't possibly go wrong."
  • BoosteyaBoosteya
    @Jurixe I love your writing. This is the second story of yours I've read. Looking forward to reading more.  :x
    Miin-aan baash kimini-sij-i-gan bitooyin sij-i-gan-i bukwayszhiigan = blueberry π
  • KatzchenKatzchen Mhaldor

    Love it.

    One thing that jarrs - these two paragraphs.

    Night was beginning to fall upon Sapience as the Naga's work progressed slowly, blue-grey dusk fading slowly into a darkness relieved only by the wan light of a few scattered stars. As the strange serpentine magic continued to reweave itself, she listened with half an ear to Atreiyon's terse orders over the telepathic channel, following their hunt of Alunei as best she could. Most of her attention was concentrated on the warp, however; a brief lapse in focus and they would have to begin all over again, which was time they did not have.


    The creation of the warp was only three minutes in before an arrow whizzed towards Jariel, striking her in the left shoulder. A sharp pain lanced through her and her concentration scattered, causing the channeling efforts to collapse once again. Quickly, she whirled and drew her bow, but the Serpent had already disappeared from sight.


    The first paragraph implies some time has passed IG, but the second with it's 'three minutes' reference doesn't fit. IG that would have been about an hour.



                   Honourable, knight eternal,

                                            Darkly evil, cruel infernal.

                                                                     Necromanctic to the core,

                                                                                             Dance with death forever more.



  • JurixeJurixe Where you least expect it
    Glad you guys seem to be enjoying it so far!

    Thanks for catching the time issues @Katzchen, I went through the story again and fixed it up a bit. Forgot that minutes in real life means a few hours IG.
    If you like my stories, you can find them here:
    Stories by Jurixe and Stories by Jurixe 2 

    Interested in joining a Discord about Achaean RP? Want to comment on RP topics or have RP questions? Check the Achaean RP Resource out here: https://discord.gg/Vbb9Zfs


  • XerXer Langley
    Mmmm, I noticed that too. Loved the piece as a whole, it makes me want to write something too! I have ideas for what to write too... we'll see how it goes haha.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    e^(iπ) + 1 = 0
  • JiraishinJiraishin skulking
    edited September 2012
    Cool, I made it into a story!
    Nicely done. There were a few more complications and a couple more splice breaks in real life, and the Ashtani assistance happened in a rather different way, but it probably makes a better read this way. Things look a little different from Jurixe's point of view-- I'm kind of glad that the Nagaraja's barely restrained rage and frustration were not audible over the mindlink.

    Couple of grammar issues, otherwise good.
    ________________________
    The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."

    (Clan): Ictinus says, "Stop it Jiraishin, you're making me like you."
  • IocunIocun
    edited September 2012
    I loved it, like I love all your stories.

    I think I should make Iocun start cancelling wormholes as well, just so I can make it into some story too!

    →My Mudlet Scripts

  • KatzchenKatzchen Mhaldor
    Found time to finish reading, awesome story, other than the time discrepancies. Pity this month's artisanal isn't open topic!


                   Honourable, knight eternal,

                                            Darkly evil, cruel infernal.

                                                                     Necromanctic to the core,

                                                                                             Dance with death forever more.



  • JurixeJurixe Where you least expect it
    @Iocun: I will write you into a story if you promise never to cancel any (of my) wormholes. Splicing day in day out without a jewel is D: Glad you liked the story!

    @Jiraishin: The Ashtani assistance that I wrote in the story pretty much did happen exactly like that. I know that there were others that I didn't manage to find a way to include, though. (sorry if you're reading it!)


    If you like my stories, you can find them here:
    Stories by Jurixe and Stories by Jurixe 2 

    Interested in joining a Discord about Achaean RP? Want to comment on RP topics or have RP questions? Check the Achaean RP Resource out here: https://discord.gg/Vbb9Zfs


  • EntaroEntaro Plymouth
    Love love love love love it! Best Birthday present ever! <3


    (Party): Crixos says, "Open your wunjos, people of Sapience."
    (Party): Crixos says, "Be nairated by my words."
  • TanrisTanris
    Very nice :)
  • RuthRuth Singapore
    I've mentioned it before to you, Jurixe - but I like the way Entaro is portrayed. :D Made me lol.
    "Mummy, I'm hungry, but there's no one to eat! :C"

     

  • RakonRakon
    Jurixe said:
    . I know that there were others that I didn't manage to find a way to include, though. (sorry if you're reading it!)
    :( Just not that important I guess.
  • JurixeJurixe Where you least expect it
    edited September 2012
    @Rakon: Aww you weren't there for this one, Rakon. The other battle that was held over the same wormhole was fun too, this one just had better story value.

    Also, wormhole is gone again. @Iocun it better not be you. >(
    If you like my stories, you can find them here:
    Stories by Jurixe and Stories by Jurixe 2 

    Interested in joining a Discord about Achaean RP? Want to comment on RP topics or have RP questions? Check the Achaean RP Resource out here: https://discord.gg/Vbb9Zfs


  • IocunIocun
    Jurixe said:
    Also, wormhole is gone again. @Iocun it better not be you. >(
    Nah, haven't even been logged in! Too busy cancelling RL wormholes.

    →My Mudlet Scripts

  • ZyvixZyvix
    edited September 2012
    I liked it. Even though you had to cut out about 12+ Alyssea deaths.
  • ExelethrilExelethril
    Entaro said:
    Love love love love love it! Best Birthday present ever! <3

    Not literally, I hope /:) (that would be sad)

    Awesome work though, Jurixe.

    [ SnB PvP Guide | Link ]

    [ Runewarden Sparring Videos | Link ]
  • AlysseaAlyssea
    That is amazing. Absolutely love your description, makes the whole experience seem a lot more interesting, even though for me at least it was fun just on its own. Lol'd at "Instead, she blurted out, "The Eleusian Alunei is trying to stop us from creating this wormhole into Mhaldor. I know we are not allies, but if you would eat her, I would appreciate it.""

    A couple things I noticed were Ekanelian is spelled wrong (spelled it Ekanalian in your story) and I'm wearing a green tunic. D: I guess it fits since I'm Eleusian, but Alyssea wears all black just like you guys!

    And @Zyvix, I only died once. I probably died 10-15 times throughout the whole cancelling thing, but that was throughout a rl week or so. 
    image
  • CorbeauxCorbeaux
    Alyssea said:
    I'm wearing a green tunic. D: I guess it fits since I'm Eleusian, but Alyssea wears all black just like you guys!
     

    lol


    If I were Eleusian, I would totally wear the green/brown ranger clothing. I mean, cmon, it's perfect camouflage. How can you not wear camo!?

    (Party): Mizik says, "This can't possibly go wrong."
  • AlysseaAlyssea
    Alyssea greatly dislikes green clothing. I'd rather her blend in with the shadows than with a tree. :P
    image
  • JurixeJurixe Where you least expect it
    Usually, I go and look at the characters to get their descriptions before I write them in the story, but when inspiration and motivation struck for me to write this time you weren't around and I forgot to go and look afterwards. So that's why Alunei doesn't have much in the way of description beyond 'is a Rajamala' and I just kind of guessed with the green clothes. /stereotype.

    Interestingly enough, 'I know we're not friends but can you eat her please' is literally what I said to Entaro. :D
    If you like my stories, you can find them here:
    Stories by Jurixe and Stories by Jurixe 2 

    Interested in joining a Discord about Achaean RP? Want to comment on RP topics or have RP questions? Check the Achaean RP Resource out here: https://discord.gg/Vbb9Zfs


  • AlysseaAlyssea
    She is wearing:
     a pair of spiked boots,
     a solid black satin shirt,
     a hooded black cloak with the hood raised,
     a luxurious black top hat,
     skin-tight black leather trousers

    :(
    image
  • TvistorTvistor
    edited September 2012
    I made this for Antidas. EDIT: Just realized Antidas is Slenderman.

    image
  • VasoolVasool
    Tvistor said:
    ...drawing...
    Do you take commissions for character portraits?
  • AlysseaAlyssea
    Lovely drawing. You're almost as good as Carmain.
    image
  • JiraishinJiraishin skulking
    @Tvistor Damn you. First you conspire to never be logged in when I am, then you sabotage my wi-fi (I know it was you, don't lie), now you're stealing my business as well.

    Also, where's my drawing?
    ________________________
    The soul of Ashmond says, "Always with the sniping."

    (Clan): Ictinus says, "Stop it Jiraishin, you're making me like you."
  • AitoxAitox South Africa
    edited September 2012
    Magnificent story, @Jurixe. It was playing like a movie in my mind; such talent.  :)
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