The End of an Era

Amunet

When I was contested Monday, I came to a realization. I just don't give a darn about this game anymore.

Well, I suppose that is a lie. I give far too many darns about this game, and therein lies the problem. I'm 28 years old, and here I am, at 4:00 in the morning on a work night, anxious and exhausted over occurrences in the land of pretend. I've spent ten years pouring my heart, soul, and money into something ephemeral; I've made a second job out of what should have been little more than a diversion. Looking back, all I can think about are the hours I've wasted living in a virtual world, catering to the mercurial whims of people who couldn't give a shit about all of the effort I've expended for the sake of their playing experience. All of that time could have been spent on friends, or family - that time could have been spent with the father I lost ten short months ago. All of the writing I have done for Achaea could have been writing that, with a few changes of phrase, could have gotten my career off of the ground. I have wasted so much energy and potential on this exercise in futility, and, quite frankly, it makes me sick to think about it.

So, this is the end.

There are a few people - a very few people - whom I would like to thank for being a part of my time here. I realize that the narrow scope of this list is likely to leave a few people feeling slighted, and in some ways, that is intentional. I have been accused of being a poor communicator, but one of the first things that a writer learns is the value of silence - how to read between the lines, and to pay attention to what is left unsaid. I would suggest that all of you pay attention.

First and foremost, I would like to acknowledge those people whom I now follow into illustrious absence - those who will likely never have the opportunity to read this post, but who have nonetheless had an indelible impact upon this game and my willingness to play it. @Imyrr and @Tanris - I miss both of you dearly. I can only hope that my legacy in Achaea is remembered as vividly as yours.

Next, I would like to thank @Icaru for having made my last couple of months in Achaea something truly special. I am so glad to have met you, and I am truly sorry that we won't be able to enact any of the grand things we considered in the game. I am grateful, however, that you will remain in the real life I am now seeking to improve. Such a big part of my exhausted heart belongs to you. 

@Dunn, you have been a delight to work with, and a breath of fresh air through so many difficulties. Dunn and Amunet made a great team in politics, and great friends otherwise. I am glad that we ended up working together so well. Keep giving them hell for me, and keep in touch.

@Flair, Flair, Flair. You have been one of my best text-friends since our characters met as novices, and I look forward to our AWP meet-up. You had better still be going, because it would be a damned shame if I have to drink and discuss poetry alone.

@Babel - you are the sole reason I have kept playing Achaea for the past five years. The role you have created, and the lore it encompasses, is nothing short of astounding. Thank you for your efforts on the behalf of the Occultists and Ashtan, to say nothing for what you have done for the game as a whole. 

And, finally, @Orklanishkal. Out of everyone in Achaea, you have been closest to Amu - you've seen her at her best and her worst, and you are the one I will miss the most now that I am finally walking away from this place. Thank you for always being there when things grew troublesome, thank you for sharing in my triumphs, and thank you, again, for finally giving our characters their happy ending. You have been the best text-husband a girl could ask for, haha, and an excellent friend to the player behind her. I hope we'll keep in contact.

Leadership is not all it is cracked up to be. The people who aspire to it see all of the glory and none of the realities. They fail to realize that being a good leader takes sacrifice, and that the vast majority of what they do for the sake of their organization will go unrecognized and unappreciated. I have invested, quite literally, the whole of myself into Amunet for a decade. I have pulled all-nighters during events and elections. I have stayed up many a night putting the finishing touches on event proposals, or helping probates with their Chaos theories, or helping interested people figure out a way to plausibly convert to Nihilism. I have put in for PTO at various jobs in order to accommodate novice interviews. I have been late to class, or logged in on my phone during my lunch break, to take care of disasters that have transpired while I've been away. I have scheduled my social life around things that are going on in Achaea. I have done all of that gladly in an effort to make my organizations in the game the best that they can be. Now look at what I have gotten for those efforts.

Be good to your leaders. Be good to the game's volunteer staff. These are the people whose hard work is the backbone of your good time. Leaders, remember that serving as an organizational figurehead means more than simply bending over the prow of a ship. Bear this in mind, and maybe this game will quit running off everyone who has ever given two shits about it. 

I won't be holding my breath.

Arditi

The hardest things a leader has to learn are, in order:

A: You are not indispensable. You will be replaced, and things will continue.

B: The people you lead deserve just as much of the credit for your successes, and you deserve just as much credit for their failures. It doesn't work the other way.

My congratulations on learning the first, and my condolences that you didn't learn the second, because this would come off as a lot more heartfelt and a lot less middle finger otherwise.

I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sorry that you feel as though you've utterly wasted ten years of your life. I'm sure there's numerous people, Occultists, Ashtani, and otherwise who might disagree with that statement.

Iocun

Bye @Amunet. Pity I never really got to interact with your character, I'm sure it could have been fun.

I'm sorry to hear so much bitterness in your departure though. I think most of us have wasted some time in Achaea that could have been spent more productively, but I'd also think most of us gained quite a bit of fun from playing the game, or we wouldn't have stuck around so long to begin with.

I hope you'll be able to look back at this at some point in a more positive way than just a load of wasted time and effort.

Thaumas

I can only imagine the amount of extreme (melo)drama behind all this. I don't want to know anything. Take care, Amunet.

Strata

Achaea is like a prolonged concert event where your favorite band plays music 24/7 and creates new records right in front of you. They do this just for you and you pay a shitload of money to keep them going. For most, there will come a time when they have to leave for whatever reasons. Don't consider that a loss.

You think you've wasted 10 years of your life on a text-game? You think you would be in a better place in life had you not invested everything into Achaea? What kind of person do you think you will be 5 years from now? I think you'll be a very awesome person. Without "wasting" 10 years on Achaea, what kind of person would you have been 5 years ago? Do you know anyone IRL who writes as good as you? Do you know anyone IRL who has what it takes to be a leader?

Every day, you had a choice whether to continue playing this or not. For nearly 10 years of MY life, I had no choice - because of one bad choice. After spending the majority of my 20's in prison, I've been happy and somewhat successful. Many of those successes I attribute to wisdom learned while inside.

So your time was not wasted. You got more out of Achaea than you think. And there are many in game who got a lot from you. Your choice to retire Amunet. But don't push her away in your head and heart. Keep her around and you might be amazed at what she will help you with in life's future endeavors.

Blujixapug

Arditi said:

A: You are not indispensable. You will be replaced, and things will continue.

No. You are indispensable. Your contributions are unique. You will be replaced anyway, and it is heartbreaking.

If you are lucky, you will be replaced by someone who is (or becomes) indispensable in their own way. If you are unlucky, you will remain haunted by the past, by regret for not doing a good enough job, by the ghosts of every plan you had that you never put into place, every person you feel like you let down, every new idea you have that you're no longer in a position to act upon.

I won't even dignify that next thing, shpfff. You deserve all the credit for your successes and more. It makes up for all the uncredited work you do in between successes.

Morro

Thank you for everything, and I hope you have fun in the real world.

Your absence will not go unnoticed.

Arditi

Blujixapug said:

I won't even dignify that next thing, shpfff. You deserve all the credit for your successes and more. It makes up for all the uncredited work you do in between successes.

I didn't say you don't deserve credit for your successes. I said that the people under you deserve credit for your successes because they helped you get there in some form or fashion. Likewise, you deserve to take responsibility for their failures because you were their leader when they failed.

On the other hand, you aren't automatically obligated to glory if your underling succeeds, and they're not obligated to be ashamed when you fail. Individual actions can change this, of course, but feeling entitled to glory is the first step towards resentment.

To further clarify, I think we're hitting around the same point, just from different angles, and I don't want it to become some form of slap fight that detracts from what's going on here.

Orklanishkal

=(( 

Occultists/Ashtan/Babel will be less fun without you, @Amunet. 

...but is this like a hall pass for Orklanishkal? 

Wysteria

Orklanishkal ! It's been barely one week and already thinking of moving on??

Orklanishkal

Amunet

Orklanishkal said:

"Oh, my love,

How can you hold a thing that's thrashing around

Wrestling to get free?

Whenever I'm walking 

Out of your arms,

Out of this town,

I don't expect you'll wait for me...."

Arador

@Orklanishkal Somehow I do not think it would go down well if your heart was.....*puts on shades*.....contested....

Flair

@Amunet I'll miss you a lot in game, but of course we'll still talk in the real world. You know, several years ago when I was feeling a lot like you are, I took my first real long break from the game--and I've enjoyed Achaea a whole lot since. Now because of work, and my own writing, I take a lot of breaks. When I log in now it's to have fun, and I do. I RP, just chit chat, do some work, etc, but never feel pressured. I log in expecting what I would expect from any game--some time to unwind and relax a bit. So, I hope that in a few months or so you feel the same way so we can stand around Fire and Spice as two old timers talking to anyone who will listen about our glory days. In the meantime, see you on FB and if my school gives me some moolah, at AWP! Now I'm gonna get to work on getting Amunet a statue--probably not one rolling its eyes at Flair's statue, though that would be pretty fitting. You did a lot of hard work for the guild/House and our order, and I for one appreciate it immensely. For me at least, you helped make everything more fun--which is about the best thing you can say about someone in Achaea.

Tael

That explains some things.

I was really excited to interact with you more after the limited meetings we've had, though it sounds as though you need (at the least) a good break.

Overall:

Kellonius

Yea, right. See you in a couple of months.

Trevize

Achaean leadership, drugs, what's the difference?

Eventually, they consume you or you give them up!

And most just come back anyways.

Mishgul

one of them drains your bank account and spare time for small amounts of euphoria, the other is drugs.

Berenene

Goodbye @Amunet.  The brief interactions I had IC were great.  All the best for the future.

Wynedere

You can't get this invested in the game. Strong feelings of responsibility and becoming too attached to roles here usually ends up burning players out. It's just a game. What we do here doesn't matter. "Legacies" left behind are a bit of a joke when you remember that this is a text game, not real life history. 

I don't know what happened in game to cause this, but from what I've read, it seems to have something to do with being contested. Achaea is a game that changes. Personally, I feel that no single player should hold a role in leadership through a long time span. There are two reasons why I feel this way. Other players should have the same opportunities to experience game leadership, and current leaders often burnout after long periods of time. It's important for leadership roles to shift and change to keep players...sane and engaged. Orgs also benefit from new ideas.  

I'd encourage you to simply take a long break and return should you ever find the desire to do so. I've never really played any characters that had much contact with you or the Occultists, but I'm sure you did a wonderful job playing Amunet. Just give yourself a much-needed vacation from the game. You may end up returning refreshed and with new perspective.

Beya

Hear hear!

While extinct from the game myself, I'll always have fond memories - and they are, genuinely, fond ones - of being pitted at the Seadog tavern. It's sculpted a lot of my realisations as to how to act in difficult social situations in real life.

Thanks for the life lessons,

-B

Couldn't agree more about @Wynedere's comment about legacies. I spent way too much time trying to build mine, and when it came to it I still became two massive stone feet in a desert when I popped back in. It's all about the fun of the moment.

Mizik

Best sex ever.

Aktillum

Great, now who will my pet panda harass with gifts of cupcakes and silliness?

Kresslack

I reached more or less the same point, hence my ever continuing break. I walked away from the Navy because it was becoming a full time job keeping people interested and appreciative of everything my staff and I did to keep it steaming ahead. Maybe the interest died, maybe we didn't do something right, maybe -I- didn't do something right. All I know is, it got to the point where it stopped being and felt a lot like work.

I decided that going and spending time with friends and making memories was something I needed to do again. Since then, I've published a book (shocking I know), been brought on board with a company I'm very passionate about, and made a lot of good friends and memories in the process.

I'm still on the forums usually, because they pretty fun.seems like you've been playing Achaea forever, and non-stop, and throughout that time you've always been in one leadership position or another. Noone can lead a cause forever, no matter how passionate about it, there always comes a time to move on. That doesn't mean things just end (pardon the horrible pun), without you. I think it's reassuring that Achaea isn't really dependent on any one player to continue. That's not to say some of them don't contribute a good deal to it, but it's to say if you need to step away for a bit, it'll still be here if you decide to come back.

Best of luck.

Mathonwy

It gets easier the longer you stay away. The first little while is kind of hellish because logging in etc is kind of habitual, but when you start to invest yourself more in interests and things that fill that void (ba dum tsh), it's a lot easier to stay away.

Which isn't to say the only way out is the salted earth way, but Achaea's a way better experience when you log in because you want to and not because you feel you have an obligation to do so.

Any way, best of luck. Let me know if I can help.

Beya

Seeing as we're doing 'bright futures', I should mention that since leaving Achaea I've managed to pick up on my career as a game designer (publishing next year) and also followed my dream of becoming a DM. Both were greatly aided by experience of the game, but could only really start once I'd left.

Zephyros

Hey Amu... my character has always had great respect for yours. Wish you best of luck going forward, shame to see you go. But hey, everyone moves on at some point. Ive done it multiple times then come back a few months later and try again then end up leaving weeks later. Maybe you'll come back soon! I know its frustrating to see LOLALTs come in and take your spot, not saying thats what happen but it happens a lot from what ive seen around achaea lately. Take care! We didn't ever have -that- many interactions but always were positive. 

Sylvance

Yep, muchly the same here. One of my favourite moments as a wide-eyed Ashtani soldier was to roleplay plucking up the courage to speak to Amunet. Because... ya know... her reputation had preceded her. I will also miss her Mutings. My favourite was probably when she muted Rovelda for continuing to interrupt a quiz on CT. A brilliant character.

Alcinae

Agreed. I believe we only spoke once while I was cityless, but it was a wonderful interaction. I regret not talking to your character more, but good luck with whatever you do!

Bluef

Amunet said:

When I was contested Monday, I came to a realization. I just don't give a darn about this game anymore....

...

Be good to your leaders. Be good to the game's volunteer staff. These are the people whose hard work is the backbone of your good time. Leaders, remember that serving as an organizational figurehead means more than simply bending over the prow of a ship. Bear this in mind, and maybe this game will quit running off everyone who has ever given two shits about it. 

I won't be holding my breath.

Bluef and Amunet may have suffered from a dysfunctional mother-daughter dynamic IC, but I was always impressed with what you were capable of accomplishing with your character from an OOC perspective. You should be proud of that no matter what. 

Yes, we pour RL years into a game that gives very little back to its most invested players, and yes people there generally don't understand the honest to God effort that it takes to run a House or cultivate personal and organizational roleplay that is so finely developed people actually begin to believe this is who we are and what we're about OOCly. But that's their loss.

When the new generation of Achaeans become leaders themselves they will develop a new understanding of how complex and daunting the task of running an organization, designing events, and keeping player moral up for a House or Order actually is. My guess is that someday such people  will reach out to you, when you come back for a visit as I hope you do, and tip their hats in respect to what you managed to accomplish and maintain for so long IC. 

Breaks are good though. Like @Flair, I've taken several and it always helps to hit the re-set button. Each time I come back with fresh ideas and a little more respect for the volunteer Divine who really put a lot of hard work in behind the scenes. That said, I've also noted that each time I return from hiatus my dependence on Godly interventions in RP becomes less and less - I'm more confident than ever that players are who truly shape Achaea. 

Amunet is a great example of this. 

I'm honestly surprised not to see more posts in response to your farewell. Amunet is/was iconic in the game as far as I'm concerned and deserves much more than a statue. I know many people will say we need an absinthe-flavored drink in her honor, but I decry that suggestion in favor of what I can recall her IDEAing several times: Cigarettes. Slender lady smokes in honor of her most haute self. Make it so!

I do hope you come back someday so we can mend the family tree, Amu. Until then I wish you all the best in life, especially your writing. 

Adrienne

Liane

I'm so sad you left. You were one of my favorite people in the whole game. No matter if I left for a day or a few weeks you were always there planning something amazing and spectacular. Ah, I guess this is a far more formal way of saying Good Bye! I hope things go well Amunet.