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An OOC rant

XenomorphXenomorph Member Posts: 389 @ - Epic Achaean
edited February 2017 in The Universal Membrane
Ive started my new workout program and once again I'm back in the gym for the new year, amped to start week 1 of my new fitness program, so I'm all buck & diesel for spring break chick slaughter and romance shit.

I focus primarily on strength training, been doing it off and on since I was thirteen, and it's just been a go to hobby of mine most of my life, and always had an interest in lifting since I was real young and just found an interest in how awesome all the different strength training machines looked as a kid seeing a gym for the first time and was hooked ever since.

I typically start any new season out slow to minimize any time off due to injuries and spend the first couple weeks just focusing on cardio and getting the cardiovascular system geared up for the weights I'll be liftin' soon enough. Problem is, using this new cardio machine nonstop for the week has caused a little bit of chafing.

No biggie, just gotta ride it out and it'll go away since I'm active again. So after showering it's off to bed, and forgot to put lotion on the chafing and didn't want to get out of bed and was dog tired anyways. I grab the little bottle that was supposed to be lotion and apply it not thinking twice about it, and what the hell, I apply a second coat, more liberal this time to plums and log while I'm down there. And I'm out snoring a second later. That's when the trouble began.

Two hours later, I wake up, and I'm in considerable discomfort and pain. I feel like I got the damn clap or something. I grimace and groan a loud wtf and turn on my lamp to my right, and instantly the lights blind me and my eyes slowly come into focus on the little bottle of lotion I had grabbed before I laid down in the dark earlier, cept it ain't even lotion. It was Head & Shoulders.

I let out a "GaaAAah!!!! Fuuuuu....!!!" throwing the disposable sized little asshole bottle angrily at the wall in complete darkness, only to have it bounce off the wall and bean me in the head, the smug little shit. "Gaaaaah!! It burns!!"

I haven't slept all night, and it's already sundown the following day, a day I've waddled slowly about my business which saw a decrease in shit I was going to do today. Now it's about just staying cool, trying not to move and aggravate the hotheaded dicktator.

I still feel like my junk is being crowd-control sprayed agonizingly by a bottomless extinguisher-sized can of ghost pepper mace you'd unleash on peacefully non-violent incarcerated grizzly bears who were simply on a hunger strike. If you were a d*%khead sadist of a guard and maced them into a murderous frenzied fuzz mob.

Ive been in tears all day. All the Ben-Gay in the world won't save me now. Send my regards to the Logos, I'll be praying for salvation with no mana, and this is no joke! Gaaah!!!
I -am- the Cataclysm Switchblade.


  • NicolaNicola Administrator Posts: 848 Achaean staff
    Bodyglide, my friend, Bodyglide.
  • TydasTydas Member Posts: 232 ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    The only thing I can recommend is aloe vera. The real stuff - a lot of the green gels you find in stores don't actually have aloe in them. Do some research. Have a friend buy you some and bring it by if you don't have any. Had a friend who had a chemical burn from overzealous use of Nair and he said it helped, so it should do some work in at least easing the healing process.
  • KresslackKresslack Florida, United StatesMember Posts: 6,470 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    The only thing that would make this more tragic is if it had been a bottle of Nair.

  • HyperlithHyperlith San Fierro area, San AndreasMember Posts: 359 ✭✭✭✭ - Eminent
    Or goo-gone. That shit's brutal.

    @Xenomorph, consider trying some of the diaper cream stuff. I know that's laughable, but having two three-year olds has taught me the magic of Destin or Aquaphor gets rid of rashes 'down there' very quickly and comfortably.

  • CaelanCaelan Member Posts: 2,462 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    10/10 would read again.

  • SienaSiena Member Posts: 202 ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    edited February 2017
    @Xenomorph Or corn starch


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