Further to Katia's point about scars - it's possible to tell if scars have been ritually made, or at least to guess (because they'll be ordered, patterned, clearly defined), but you're not going to be able to go "aha, this must have been made by a dirk using a particular sort of venom to create the greatest wound".

If a Divine find scars ok, I guess mortals can too. Simply described though.

I think the difference is, Divine history is normally common knowledge, whereas the average player does not have their history public, so there is no way to know where such and such scar came from. This is especially true with those who have several scars. If you want to say where your scars/tattoos/etc came from in your description, at least make it public knowledge however you can (probably the background feature)

He is a Mhun and is standing a lanky five foot eleven, his head shaven to baldness, the milky white of his albino skin a quite contrast to that of his steel gray eyes, his frame though lanky supporting lean and toned muscles. His posture straight and formal, giving a air of rigidness but is off set by the near perment grin, a grin that if one would look closely would reveal two serpent fangs, the two fangs barely jutting out from his upper lip. Upon his right hand is a birth mark or scar its shape in the form of a star.

hrm, I know it isn't the best in the world but I've been told I look pretty cool and decent but that's me

1. You mention your lankiness twice, not a big deal, but slightly repetitive.

2. This should be worded differently, it could be 'quite a contrast' or 'a stark contrast' or something similar.

3. Lots of problems here, run-on sentence, horrid grammar, misspelling, repetitive. There are several ways to rewrite it, an example would be:
His posture is straight and formal, giving an air of rigidity that is off set by a near permanent grin, which conceals two serpent fangs, barely jutting out from his upper lip.

4. This is a bit redundant, and not the best grammar. I would use either shape or form, not both, and add a comma.
Upon his right hand is a birth mark or scar, in the shape of a star.
Personally, I would rewrite it completely to sound better. 'Upon his right hand is a star-shaped birth mark or scar.'

Just a general note, but I'm not sure how people can tell exact height just by looking at people.

One part of my job is that I have to input people's heights for a test, I can have a general clue how tall they are but I never know exactly. If people are sitting, laying down then it throws off your entire perception of them.

So please, please, please don't say she is 5'7 3/4 inches tall. You can probably throw in the number of feet but adding the inches is just silly.

If he is 5' 11'' then say he is just under 6 feet tall.

If she is 5' 2'' then say she barely tops 5 feet.

But I'm 4'9 3.4534636"

...I never thought of that. Now I'll have to change mine.

NO!!

Bad Ria.

*thwap*

No, I know it wasn't mine. It's scarred me, too.

I could've sworn vi's descrip had "phallus" in it

I never really thought of it either until I had to put in height and weight all the time and when I always guessed I was generally wrong.

The House went triangular after you left.

I hear it's going better now though.

/forumRP

Oh yes, topic, before Gishin shouts at me.

Umm yes, feel free to pull my description apart.

Okay, okay. When I'm in game next I'll grab my description for you all to make fun of.

Not particularly exciting.

Nondescript, forgettable; as every thief's description should be.

As you glance down? tsk.. making me do something. That's awful.

What if I'm too short to glance down

You're already looking at me, nub. It's a safe assumption that you're looking at all of me, otherwise we need a hard-coded command for LOOK AT <player's> HEAD.


You're looking down from where you were looking a moment ago (i.e. at my head).

Nuh uh, you gaffed bucko! No actions in descs

What if I look at your feet first, then look up?

A craftsman creates within the rules, an artist is bound only by the dictates of his own genius.


Shut up.

Just change it to this or something like this;

I like it as it is.

I reworked it recently, but some parts are still awkward to me.

The eyes are part of an important plot line for Viera that I'm still trying to figure out how to conclude, so no pls to be hating on them.

You would *grin*

*shrug* I think its fine too, just throwing out a diffrent sentence that you could use for the 'action nazis'.

I don't like you anymore

Why you gotta lie?

It makes baby Jesus cry you know.

*lean* you make me sad sometimes.

The fat rolls which constitute Tiax's neck are too thick to allow any change in head angle. His bulbous cheeks obstruct his field of view, allowing him to only view things above the horizontal. So nyah.

If I had to guess, people are likely to object to:
1. The reference to weapons.
2. The "marking this man as a seasoned warrior" bit.

Not that I care.

I just rewrote it by taking out some unnecessary details and shortening it up a bit, so I'd love some feedback. I'm not entirely happy with the first sentence, but I want to give the impression that she's usually friendly but very absentminded.

I'm mostly happy with it though.

To add to the height (and weight) thing - there's only one reason I've never liked it, and that is because it's written out as a number. Numbers immediately draw your eye when they're surrounded by a block of text. It makes a sentence unwieldly especially when you're writing prose or fiction. There's also a helpfile, I think, that states not to use the number but to write it out - twenty-two instead of 22, and although I can't remember what it was in reference to, it definitely wasn't in reference to descriptions.

@Jhaeli - I like your description, the first sentence is fine, but it doesn't convey (at least to me) approachable but absent minded though.

I get that feeling too. Maybe it's the word 'blindly' used there.

Here's the very weird description for Madjin:


I'm aware that purple hair and orange eyes are kinda unnatural, but he experimented with a number of different strains of magic in his past: and now he messes with chaos.

If anyone can think of any other tasteful ways to reflect eccentricism or a scholarly person, let me know!

In a world where the fantastic is commonplace and extremes are the standard, the mundane takes on an unusual mystique.

Indeed!

On the contrary, it's quite the over-hyphenation nightmare!

You may be right! I do like my hyphens...

look spudd

He is a tiger-like Rajamala and is approximately six feet in height. This
creature's lithe, muscular form - the result of long hours in the Gymkhana - is
thickly covered from head to toe in a fur of rich chestnut and copper hues as
vibrant as the Savannah grasses. Narrow bands of darker fur trail from the base
of his neck, down his back and up his tail, culminating to form a dark mahogany
tip. The tail itself nearly matches Spudd in height, and is quite dexterous
despite its thickness, meaning it could be employed in lieu of an encumbered
limb. Though often dragged along behind him, it is just as easily reared in the
air, twitching. Upon each of his four paws are several sharp claws perfect for
hunting that Spudd idly uses to pick ivory-coloured fangs which barely protrude
past his black lips. A wet, sable nose juts out subtly from the fur on his face
as one of the few hairless parts of his body. Above, two deep emerald eyes with
narrow pupils glint in the light while below, a thin shadowy line belies his
large mouth, which houses his knife-sharp teeth and sandpaper textured tongue.
Three thin whiskers protrude from either side of his mouth, craftily allowing
him to detect vibrations in the air. Atop of his head are two triangular ears
which twitch ever so slightly in response to any sound, and a large chunk has
been taken from the left, a remnant of an old battle.
He is wearing:
a simple silver hoop through his right ear,
spunky Rajamala socks,
a silk tekura black belt,
sleek black, fingerless tekura gloves,
streamlined white ankle wrapped tekura shoes,
a silky black, red dragon tekura ribbon,
a red linen tekura gi shirt,
a pair of loose-fitting red tekura trousers, and
wings of elemental Air

Yeah, I just noticed there are a LOT of hyphens in your description. Somehow I don't notice such things in game.

Nice description, I like it. But one minor issue: what happens when you actually break a leg IG? I'm pretty sure you won't be able to actually use your tail.

He could get a cane of the quickening and customise it to be "my tail that looks like a cane".

Right, but it LOOKS like it could. Thats how dexterous it is

There's Sena. I changed her description to look less cuddly, but it sounds a bit off, and doesn't really flow well. Any advice on improving the wording of it?

Also, the description changes depending on whether or not she's wielding her halberd, and whether her claws are extended or retracted, as well as a couple other things.

Not able to look at it closer, but what happens when Sena has broken arms and possibly unwields her halberd, or uses a doll, or uses a totem? (Assuming my memory is correct and Sena's a shaman.)

As I said, the description changes when she's not wielding her halberd. And yes, she's a shaman.

Like I said, skimmed it over. Sorry and thanks for letting me know.

How about this, Sena?