[katia]

I like it as it is.

You would *grin*

[Valnyran]

I like it as it is.

*shrug* I think its fine too, just throwing out a diffrent sentence that you could use for the 'action nazis'.

[Riashain]

I like it as it is.

*shrug* I think its fine too, just throwing out a diffrent sentence that you could use for the 'action nazis'.

I don't like you anymore

[Valnyran]

I like it as it is.

*shrug* I think its fine too, just throwing out a different sentence that you could use for the 'action nazis'.

I don't like you anymore

Why you gotta lie?

It makes baby Jesus cry you know.

[Riashain]

I like it as it is.

*shrug* I think its fine too, just throwing out a different sentence that you could use for the 'action nazis'.

I don't like you anymore

Why you gotta lie?

It makes baby Jesus cry you know.

*lean* you make me sad sometimes.

[Tiax]

The fat rolls which constitute Tiax's neck are too thick to allow any change in head angle. His bulbous cheeks obstruct his field of view, allowing him to only view things above the horizontal. So nyah.

[Antonius]

He is a Mhun and is of average height, though broader than most of his race. Long, powerful legs support his frame. Powerful shoulders lead into well-muscled arms which hang by his sides, hands clutching the weapons that rarely seem to leave his grasp. His body is covered in a multitude of scars, marking this man as a seasoned warrior. The dark brown hair, heavily streaked with grey, that covers his head has been cut short. Grey eyes survey the area around him, peering down with contempt at those around him over a crooked nose, his mouth fixed in a seemingly permanent frown. A tattoo of a beautiful Tsol'aa woman is visible on his right arm; underneath is written a single word in elegant Tsol scripture, 'Lielrae'.

If I had to guess, people are likely to object to:
1. The reference to weapons.
2. The "marking this man as a seasoned warrior" bit.

Not that I care.

[Jhaeli]

She is a lizard-like Xoran and is quick to flash a smile, but prone to staring
off blindly. Standing at an average height for her tall race, her body moves
with a sinuous grace, matching her long limbs and smooth torso. Each well
polished scale gleams dully when caught in the light, ranging from a dark olive
to a reddish-bronze. Ebony scales darken the ridges above her yellow, cat-like
eyes, and circle underneath, matched by ebony scales circling her wrists. Dark
sigils mark her cheek and forehead, nearly invisible against her scales. Her
canine teeth sometimes show through when she speaks or smiles, and a forked
sable tongue tastes the air regularly. Her voice is low and steady, with a
faint lisp. Faint splashes of colour mark old ink stains on her fingers.

I just rewrote it by taking out some unnecessary details and shortening it up a bit, so I'd love some feedback. I'm not entirely happy with the first sentence, but I want to give the impression that she's usually friendly but very absentminded.

I'm mostly happy with it though.

[Aithne]

To add to the height (and weight) thing - there's only one reason I've never liked it, and that is because it's written out as a number. Numbers immediately draw your eye when they're surrounded by a block of text. It makes a sentence unwieldly especially when you're writing prose or fiction. There's also a helpfile, I think, that states not to use the number but to write it out - twenty-two instead of 22, and although I can't remember what it was in reference to, it definitely wasn't in reference to descriptions.

@Jhaeli - I like your description, the first sentence is fine, but it doesn't convey (at least to me) approachable but absent minded though.

[Viera]

To add to the height (and weight) thing - there's only one reason I've never liked it, and that is because it's written out as a number. Numbers immediately draw your eye when they're surrounded by a block of text. It makes a sentence unwieldly especially when you're writing prose or fiction. There's also a helpfile, I think, that states not to use the number but to write it out - twenty-two instead of 22, and although I can't remember what it was in reference to, it definitely wasn't in reference to descriptions.

@Jhaeli - I like your description, the first sentence is fine, but it doesn't convey (at least to me) approachable but absent minded though.

I get that feeling too. Maybe it's the word 'blindly' used there.

[Jethreiven]

Here's the very weird description for Madjin:

He is a Mhun and is rather bizarre in appearance. His hair is purple, closest
to mauve in shade, and appears to be his natural hair colour. It is cut
unevenly to a medium length, with an eye-level fringe sweeping across his face.
His eyes themselves seem to glow a brilliant fiery orange, showing intelligence
and often staring into space. His skin is a little tanned, but also a little
red, and he is unnaturally tall for a member of his race. He is fairly
well-built from constant exercise, though his face gives away a kind and gently
demeanor. He stands relaxed, his fingers interlocked and his palms against
the back of his head, elbows pointing outwards, and his chapped lips are usually
stuck in a perpetual half-smile. When he opens his mouth, you see that his
teeth are beyond pearly, to the extent that when they reflect the sun, it
wouldn't be surprising if someone was blinded. Despite this though, they're not
perfect: his front teeth are a little crooked and he has a missing canine. Upon
closer inspection, his nose is askew at the top, and while one of his ears is
partially visible from under his hair, the other remains hidden. He looks a
little older than his years, with weathered hands and features, and an ugly
scar runs under his left eye. He is wearing flowing amber robes, a canvas
backpack, a deck of Tarot cards, a weathered blue tunic, black suede trousers,
a black leather runic belt, and a pair of soft leather boots.

I'm aware that purple hair and orange eyes are kinda unnatural, but he experimented with a number of different strains of magic in his past: and now he messes with chaos.

If anyone can think of any other tasteful ways to reflect eccentricism or a scholarly person, let me know!

[Trevize]

In a world where the fantastic is commonplace and extremes are the standard, the mundane takes on an unusual mystique.

This post has been edited by Trevize: Feb 16 2008, 06:23 PM

[Iocun]

In a world where the fantastic is commonplace and extremes are the standard, the mundane takes on an unusual mystique.

Indeed!

[Krypton]

He is a winged Atavian and is of a peculiar state. He stands shorter than the average human man, built seemingly rather of thick wire than of true muscle: his form has a thinly-stretched, waifish look to it. Pallid skin, spiteful of the sun under which his kind so freely flies, has been drawn taut over this poorly-assembled frame, exposing the contour of bone and sinew. Slightly pointed and of a gentle curvature, his nose extends beak-like over lips dry and cracked, ever split by the merest of movements. Thread-thin scars mar his cheeks, crossed here and there in very deliberate patterns, and several patches of flesh at his throat have been burned into undeath. Hair unkempt and of a common, dirty brown adorns his head, and a small, badly-trimmed beard grows wiry at his chin. In stark contrast to his decrepit figure, his wings remain pristine, perfectly-preened, and of the cleanest white; and his gaze is full of a mad clarity, fierce and hungry, the terrible conviction burning therein paired with a demeanour of chillest calm.

Not particularly exciting.

On the contrary, it's quite the over-hyphenation nightmare!

[Nocroth]

On the contrary, it's quite the over-hyphenation nightmare!

You may be right! I do like my hyphens...