[Missi]

She is a frog-like Grook and roughly five feet tall. Her smooth skin is teal-colored and naturally flawless; her narrow lips, palms and soles blending into a light cream. Eyes of deep navy blue shine from beneath thin, lash-less eyelids, while sculpted bone arches over them. Despite her Grook race, her Tsol'aa heritage shows through with her long, swept-back, skeletal ears and lithe physique. As a result of the magic in her veins, her waist-length hair is alarmingly pink. The top layers are tightly braided, while the under-layers hang loosely down her back. Most alarmingly, however, are the dark-pink stains of branding which adorn her. An inverted, concave triangle comes to point between her eyes, while a series of nine smallish circles trace her cheekbone. These markings are relatively aged, as the surrounding skin is slimy and fully healed.

Please to be not flaming for the Tsol'aa ears. Missi was a Tsol'aa for 100 years, and I only changed her to Grook for the faster EQ balance (mmm nerfed) and water recovery. I REALLY loved being Tsol'aa; all Missi's history, custom artifacts and subdivision house reflect that. Her clothes are a nod to the Grook side, though. Now I have another free reincarnation, I'm considering changing back to Tsol'aa.

I based Missi's Grook look on the full image of my signature, which is exactly what I was picturing her to be like. My Gimp-fu is weak, so to be not flaming that either.

If people have suggestions or whatever, I'm always open to them.

[Celedwyn]

Errors bolded.

Particular points:

(1) This would sound nicer as 'rather than'.
(2) Pet hate of mine - contractions in prose lend it a character which neutral prose shouldn't have.

General:

A lot of your sentences start with 'The (noun)'. Try and vary your sentence structure a bit, as this will make it flow better.

You say his face is tanned but his skin is resisting tanning. Whilst I know you mean his body on the second part of that, it still can be confused. Perhaps rewrite this a bit.

Thanks for the critique.

I like improving my description skills. I'll take a good look at it with those things in mind and see how I can fix it up.

[Thenidiel]

I would say that you've got no need to give the reason behind the colour of her hair - I think that assumes knowledge in the onlooker that isn't necesserially there.

Also I'd use 'Most alarming', rather than alarmingly. Perhaps even 'The most alarming features...' would be nicer.

[Missi]

I would say that you've got no need to give the reason behind the colour of her hair - I think that assumes knowledge in the onlooker that isn't necesserially there.

Also I'd use 'Most alarming', rather than alarmingly. Perhaps even 'The most alarming features...' would be nicer.

Excellent, thank you! I never was happy with the wording there.

[Reznik]

He is a Chaos Lord and is lean and muscular. Gleaming black fur covers his
body, a mane of disorderly ebon strands spilling down his back. His face shows
age beyond years from hard living, but it seems that a certain peace of mind has
at last come to him from the wisdom of desperation. His piercing emerald eyes
seem almost hypnotic. A barely perceptible gap runs through the fur from below
his left eye, down his cheek, and vanishes into his collar, a scar visible only
from just the right angle. His body language varies widely, from
pseudo-militaristic chin-up-shoulders-back-head-high and confident to hunched
over, eyes darting around furtively, seemingly terrified.

I didn't update my description when I went dwarf from Tsol'aa (yes, yes, shame), but I did update for the switch to Raja.

[Melodie]

She is a winged Atavian and is small for her kind, appearing more child-like to the onlooker. Her curly, strawberry-hued hair cascades down her milky white skin, framing her small, rosy cheeks. Beneath her tendrils of hair you can make out a small, teardrop shaped scarlet ruby embedded in her forehead, a family tradition passed down for generations. A pair of iridescent dove-like wings fan behind her, and as the sunlight hits them, multiple rainbows reflect and bounce off nearby surfaces. Her bright, azure eyes sparkle beautifully, glass-like in appearance and filled with tranquility. Her body gently curves into a lovely hourglass shape, and you can see just a bit of her tummy show, suggesting innocently to her full figure. Her lips, a soft pink, speak of the joyous stories and a wondrous personality that lies beneath her beauty. She is wearing a blouse of snowy silk with ivory clasps, a trailing skirt of snowy silk, an angel's wing earring made of white jade through her left ear, a simple scroll case, a white velvet choker with a silver rose charm, a silver identity bracelet with sapphire doves, white silken gloves with lace cuffs, a fluttering angel earring through her right ear, an ethereal, snow-white ribbon of angels, moon-kissed sparkling silver high-heeled shoes, a diamond stud of an Atavian wingspan through her right ear, a dazzling halo circlet of gold, a rose silk cloak with white fox fur trim, a beautiful long rose scarf, a necklace of sandalwood prayer beads, and a blood red heart-shaped ruby necklace.

This is fairly old and has been there for ages. Not perfect, but, I like it.

[Semfir]

He is a graceful Tsol'aa and is looking proud, yet at ease, giving the effect that he looks a bit taller than he really is, which is also enhanced by his slender frame. His long, straight hair is both thick and black, making his pale skin contrasts it strongly, although not quite as much as his soft blue eyes. These traits suggests a northern heritage, and if you take a closer look at his friendly eyes, it almost seems like snow dancing against the sky when light reflects against the iris. A permanent, faint smile adorns his pale lips, conveying a sense of confident serenity and a feeling of security. A careful inspection reveals an almost unnoticable scar in the middle of his forehead, and a slightly larger one on the back of his right hand.

He's had it for over a century, with minor changes. I'm not quite happy with it anymore, so I've decided to think of a new one. It's going to be similar; he hasn't changed his appearance. However, I mostly want it a little shorter, and remove a few clunky phrases.

I use double spaces between sentences since it makes it easier to read a large block of text. I don't really like the first sentence, but it's still one of the most important parts. I've thought about removing his scars. I don't feel that they add much character other than as token imperfections, and they could very well have healed by now. The dancing-snow metaphor/simile do add a lot in my opinion, although I would like to know what other people think.

Key traits: Slender frame; pale skin; very long, straight, and black hair; blue, sparkly eyes. He's also very straight-backed but relaxed and friendly in terms of general posture.

Now that I think about it, I find it amusing the he's a follower of the Sun Goddess, considering how far from that he looks...

@Missi: Token flame at the Tsol'aa ears. I'm not going to argue that here, though.

[Delphinus]

There is already an 11-page thread about this, with its latest reply posted as recently as January 11.

Description Help!










Edit: my contribution ^___________^

He is a winged Atavian and is possessed of an assured, poised equanimity that brings his lithe build up to its full height of six feet. Large, flexible wings fan out broadly from the blades of his shoulders, their cream-tinted span terminating in slender contour feathers of a burnt sable hue. The Atavian's straight, lightly tousled hair is a cloud-whipped mess of gold, flattened lazily into a mussed side part that keeps his unruly fringe free of his gaze. Vibrant green-blue eyes peer about with a discerning air, calculating and prying at their surroundings in observant curiosity, while below, a thin, regal nose perches above his tightly pressed lips and angular chin.

This post has been edited by Delphinus: Feb 3 2008, 07:39 PM

[Imyrr]

He is a winged Atavian and is crowned with long, flowing red hair that shines
like burnished copper and flows gracefully down to his waist in a cascade of
fiery silk. A single lock of brilliant white gently frames the left side of his
face. His high cheekbones and slight smile help to accent his mysterious yet
charming features. Eyes of emerald green gaze at the world in silent amusement,
and upon closer inspection, one can see the Chaos inherent in his soul swirling
deep within the verdant depths. He is well built and stands a few inches shy of
six feet tall. He moves his lithe frame with a grace uncommon to most of his
skybound brethren. Wings of opalescent white stretch out behind him, scattering
sparkling rainbows all around him as he moves. The alabaster perfection of his
skin is unmarred save for a small scar on his left arm, tiny white lines in the
shape of the Sign of the Twins. Tiny crystals rest in the skin around the scar,
shimmering with a coruscating light. Branded into his left wrist, just below the
Sign, is a seven pointed star, a flame-wreathed scimitar displayed proudly
within its centre. Energy crackles along his graceful hands, sending viridian
sparks dancing down his fingers to snap out of existence just past his well
manicured nails.

Yes, but there're repeat threads all over the forums.

[katia]

This isn't a 'help me with my desc' thread though, this is a'look, I can spell' thread

[Alynna]

She is a beautiful Siren and is standing quietly, a smooth calm grace to her features and movements that seems to suggest a cool calculating mannerism. She is about five feet tall, with the sweeping curves typical of her race. Her long ink-black hair flows down her backside like a shimmering cloak, running down the length of her before tapering off at her lower back, a few stray locks of hair brushing her face. Shockingly, two quicksilver skeletal wings sprout out from claw-like appendages thrusting painfully out of her shoulder blades. The wings twitch and move occasionally, as if alive, and the claws are fused with a metallic spine grafted atop of her own. Her face is concealed by a tight black veil clinging to it, save for her icy-blue eyes. Her right brow is pierced with three small platinum rings. Her neck is graceful and smooth, with a small 'R' shaped scar in its left side.

Recently changed it... was never happy with it before... liking it more now.

[Miagorme]

He is a tiger-like Rajamala and is is tremendously large for a Rajamalan, his
arms and legs thick with muscle. Easily at least six feet tall, he looks to
weigh the equivalent of two normal human men. A thick and unruly mane frames his
features, springing this way and that in a darker shade of the fur covering the
rest of him. Many gentle human features are easily recognised in his face,
especially the dangerous gaze of a tiger. Thick, almost rough silver fur covers
his body, with several striking ebony stripes decorating his muscular frame. A
dash of the purest white fur spreads up his torso, ending at the top of his
stalwart chest. The fur is suprisingly soft in comparision to the fur of his
back and limbs. Several tattoos adorn his body, such as a rajamalan paw outlined
by baby blue and purple on his left shoulder blade. A hulking Horkval wields a
rapier encased in song notes overlapping the paw. His right arm bears a tattoo
of a Rajamalan surrounded by many woodlore images, his left bearing the image of
an ancient oak surrounded by the rushing cerulean waters of the Urubamba. The
fur over his heart almost unnoticably shorter, as if still healing from
something. Two feline ears perk up from his head, tilting and focusing on
distant sounds. His right ear bears a slight knick, a memoir of a childhood
mistake. A lengthy silver tail with a black streak on the bottom, about as long
as one and a half of his legs, sways anxiously behind him. Two azure eyes with
feverish red around the pupils gaze out from his face, glazing over
occasionally.

Bolded will be changing when the event ends.

[Dusty]

This isn't a 'help me with my desc' thread though

This isn't specifically for helping one person, but it's meant so everyone can help and critique each other.

[Semfir]

This isn't a 'help me with my desc' thread though, this is a'look, I can spell' thread

[LoscannZe'Dekiah]

He is a lizard-like Xoran and is an emerald green, with auburn brown stripes streaking his snout and throat. His black eyes peer out from beneath jutting eyebrows. His snout thrusts forward from his domed head, thin slits on either side marking his nostrils. His bald pate is marred by a ridge of light brown spikes descending down his crest. Odd ridges and spines protrude from his scabrous skin. Black claws tip both gnarled hands. A tail hangs from the base of his spine, capped by overlapping plates. His craggy skin lies in wrinkles and folds upon his thin physique.

I'm happy with it, but if there are any errors please tell me.