[Valnyran]

This thread is a spot where you can post your description and hopefully get a hand with gramatical and spelling errors, as well as the general flow of your description.

So feel free to post your description for other's to look over. Also feel free to give words of advice for others!

We can start with mine.

She is a beautiful Siren and is long and willowy, giving her a sense of height she does not possess. She is lithe of body, with long arms and even longer exquisite legs. Her limbs are surprisingly muscular for her size, but femininity is not lost on her, for her body has curves in all the alluring areas. Her complexion is smooth and her skin has the golden kiss of the sun. Her long silvery-blonde hair glimmers in the light, and falls to the middle of her back framing her oval face that is dominated by her large crystal blue eyes, framed with thick black lashes. Only an old scar that runs down the right side of her face over her eye and cheek, just missing her supple pink lips, mars her perfection.

[Griffel]

He is a Blue Dragon, immense and powerful. Mighty wings jut from a huge, scaled back, and a large sinuous tail trails off his hindquarters. Four powerful limbs terminating in deadly-looking claws support its massive, scaled body, but the most impressive feature of this most impressive being is the proud, regal head. A long, flattened snout sports row upon row of razor-sharp teeth, and the glint in his saucer-sized eyes speaks of an ancient and formidable intellect.

There's mine!


Edit: ...oh yeah. And:

He is an insectoid Horkval and is surrounded by a perpetual air of absentmindedness. His multifaceted eyes are slightly almond-shaped, and reveal a gleam of intelligence and mischief which seems out of place in his otherwise inscrutable face. His jet-black carapace is marbled with whorls of reddish brown, especially around his face and neck. Most disconcerting is his voice, which is a light tenor, always dancing on the verge of song.

This post has been edited by Griffel: Jul 30 2007, 09:02 PM

[erisycthon]

I'll post mine, too, for a little grook inspiration.

He is a frog-like Grook and is a thin bony fellow. Not physically imposing at about five and a half feet, his shining blue eyes display the strength of his mind, deep and wise, though seeming to flash with elemental fire if he is angry. His voice is a steady tenor, his gait broad and purposeful. His hair is a pale white which reaches to his mid-back, rather thin with small waves in it. Exhibiting nearly flawless posture, he stands with a perfectly straight back, chin proudly level with the ground. His arms are long and bony with thin, nimble fingers, and his legs are a similarly thin affair, with webbed feet at their bases, essentially humanoid but for the skin flaps between the digits.

[Rho]

This thread is a spot where you can post your description and hopefully get a hand with gramatical and spelling errors, as well as the general flow of your description.

So feel free to post your description for other's to look over. Also feel free to give words of advice for others!

We can start with mine.

She is a beautiful Siren and is long and willowy, giving her a sense of height she does not possess. She is lithe of body with long arms and even longer exquisite legs and graceful of limb. Her limbs are frame is surprisingly muscular for her size while still retaining its femininity feminine, but femininity is not lost on her, for , her body has curves curvaceous in all the alluring areas. Her complexion is smooth and her skin has with a golden touch kiss of the sun. Her long silvery-blonde hair glimmers in the light, and falls to the middle of her back, framing her oval face that is dominated by her large and contrasting beautifully with her thick-lashed, crystal blue eyes, framed with thick black lashes. The only flaw in her beauty is Only an old scar that runs down the right side of her face over her eye and cheek, just missing her supple pink lips, mars her perfection.

This is how I'd change it, given the chance. YMMV

EDIT: For fairness' sake, here's mine. It's been some time since I've touched the description, but I'm still a fan of simplicity.

Rho grasps the sides of his hood in either hand and pulls it deliberately from his face.

He is a winged Atavian and is a man of serious disposition marked with a smudge of blue ink in the middle of his forehead. Suspended just below his green eyes, a simple veil flutters gently as it hides his features from view. About his shoulders lies a heavy hood in deep folds, while above them he holds his bare and unadorned scalp as a testament to his humility and devotion. His frame, while not imposing by any means, is none the less carried with a dignity that commands respect. Occasionally breaking the stillness he carries with him, his tawny wings stir slightly as if testing the tenor of the breeze.

Rho raises his hood in a slow and measured movement.

He is a winged Atavian and is shrouded with a heavy hood, only the bottom edge of his
veil visible beneath it. His frame, while not imposing by any means, is none the less carried with a dignity that commands respect. Occasionally breaking the stillness he carries with him, his tawny wings stir slightly as if testing the tenor of the breeze.

This post has been edited by Rho: Jul 30 2007, 09:37 PM

[DetheaLesDitor]

fix mai descrip plz

She is a graceful Tsol'aa and is extremely guant, with not a trace of womanly curve. Her nearly translucent pale skin
hugs her frail frame tightly, faint scars gracing what flesh is present to the eye. Her white face is dull and shows
signs of sleep deprivation, characterized by the darkened circles surrounding her deep-set grey eyes. A thick tangle of
coarse black hair is visible atop her head. The wavy strands are pulled back into a haphazard half-bun at just below the
nape of her neck, with the rest of the wiry strands flowing freely down her back. Her tall, awkward body seems almost a
mess of limbs, and when looked upon closely, a hardly visible perpetual tremor can be seen amongst her painfully thin
figure.

EDIT: I use this one for Siren too, and it kind of bothers me that every Siren descrip begins with "beautiful". I realize that Sirens are -supposed- to be beautiful, but surely anyone can make themselves ugly, even a Siren?

This post has been edited by DetheaLesDitor: Jul 30 2007, 09:39 PM

[cheryl]

Sirens are not ugly...if they were then they would just be a human. Uncanny beauty is the trait of sirens...though you can still describe them in a way that's neutral of opinion and minus the gigantic boobies that people seem fascinated with.

Sirens are not only seductive and easy on the eyes, but possess the magical ability to seduce men, so that the men will not hurt them.

Guant should be gaunt Dethea. That kind of sticks out(at least to me) since it is at the start of your description.

[Zhisana Lionblaz...]

She is a graceful Tsol'aa and is striking, hardly due to her height of nearly
six feet, but her proud bearing. Strong, androgynous features make up an oval
face that seem to be contorted into a permanent scowl. Beneath her furrowed
brows, her soft grey eyes couldn't seem to be more out of place with her firm
brown skin, as well as a large beauty mark beneath her left eye. Her hair has
been styled elaborately with much care, colourful ribbons and sparkling jewels
holding every ebony lock in place and making a gentle noise as she moves.

Help me too, maybe?

Good idea, by the way, Valnyran.

This post has been edited by Zhisana Lionblaze: Jul 30 2007, 09:57 PM

[Delphinus]

He is a winged Atavian and is possessed of an assured, poised equanimity that brings his lithe build up to its full height of six feet. Large, flexible wings fan out broadly from the blades of his shoulders, their cream-tinted span terminating in slender contour feathers of a burnt sable hue. The Atavian's straight, lightly tousled hair is a cloud-whipped mess of gold, flattened lazily into a mussed side part that keeps his unruly fringe free of his gaze. Vibrant green-blue eyes peer about with a discerning air, calculating and prying at their surroundings in observant curiosity, while below, a thin, regal nose perches above his tightly pressed lips and angular chin.

This post has been edited by Delphinus: Jul 30 2007, 10:49 PM

[Lachlan Del-Amro...]

fix mai descrip plz

She is a graceful Tsol'aa and is extremely guant, with not a trace of womanly curve. Her nearly translucent pale skin
hugs her frail frame tightly, faint scars gracing what flesh is present to the eye. Her white face is dull and shows
signs of sleep deprivation, characterized by the darkened circles surrounding her deep-set grey eyes. A thick tangle of
coarse black hair is visible atop her head. The wavy strands are pulled back into a haphazard half-bun at just below the
nape of her neck, with the rest of the wiry strands flowing freely down her back. Her tall, awkward body seems almost a
mess of limbs, and when looked upon closely, a hardly visible perpetual tremor can be seen amongst her painfully thin
figure.

That's so weird.

She is a graceful Tsol'aa and is quite tall for both her gender and her race.
Most noticable about her appearance is her distinct lack of hair; her head is
completely bald and where there are not small nicks and cuts, her head shines
under the rays of the sun. Standing out in the middle of her forehead is a
small, lone smudge of blue ink. Each of her large, elegantly-pointed ears are
now proudly displayed for all the world to see in full view. Her face is set
with a strong jaw and chin, giving her a slight masculine look, which is
complimented by her stern expressions. Though once bright and vibrant with
intensity, the deep blue of her eyes has faded to a dark grey, emphasising the
pale colour of her skin in a way that adds a gauntness to her features. The
shape and size of her body is hidden, almost lost, underneath the billowing
folds of her robes. Long limbs create the illusion of her being taller than she
is, while allowing her to move with a demure and graceful air. Her hands, when
seen, bear knuckles that are bruised and marred with numerous white scars.

If I really let her go, Lachlan would look exactly like Dethea, except bald. Lachlan keeps her hood up and covering her most of the time (with similar emotes to Rho's), though, so as not to draw attention.

She is a graceful Tsol'aa and is quite tall for both her gender and her race. Her facial features are shrouded beneath the shadow of a heavy hood. The shape and size of her body is hidden, almost lost, underneath the billowing folds of her cloak.

It's really strange to see, essentially, what Lachlan would like if she lived in Mhaldor.

This post has been edited by Lachlan Del-Amroth: Jul 31 2007, 04:28 AM

[latus]

He is a horned Satyr and is the proud owner of more hair below his waist than
you have seen on mammoths. In fact, you're not certain if he didn't strap a few
raccoons to his legs. He has horns too. Big ones.

I used to be in Viridian a lot, so you couldn't see my description, and I went 99% inactive before I could be bothered to make a new one.

[erisycthon]

That description is nauseating, Latus.

And, Dethea, on sirens being ugly, it's perfectly possible. But I always see them as having a sort of ethereal beauty, not quite purely physical. Seduce as an ability underscores that. I always think of what the Monster Manual (3.5) says about nymphs.

Blinding Beauty: This ability affects all humanoids within 30 feet of a nymph. Those who look directly at a nymph must succeed on a DC 17 Fortitude save or be blinded permanently as though by the blindness spell. A nymph can suppress or resume this ability as a free action. The save DC is Charisma-based.

So it's beauty that goes beyond physical beauty. Dethea can be scarred, marred, gaunt, and hideous, but there will always be something hauntingly beautiful about her that can't be described (when in siren form).

[Delphinus]

That description is nauseating, Latus.

And, Dethea, on sirens being ugly, it's perfectly possible. But I always see them as having a sort of ethereal beauty, not quite purely physical. Seduce as an ability underscores that. I always think of what the Monster Manual (3.5) says about nymphs.

Blinding Beauty: This ability affects all humanoids within 30 feet of a nymph. Those who look directly at a nymph must succeed on a DC 17 Fortitude save or be blinded permanently as though by the blindness spell. A nymph can suppress or resume this ability as a free action. The save DC is Charisma-based.

So it's beauty that goes beyond physical beauty. Dethea can be scarred, marred, gaunt, and hideous, but there will always be something hauntingly beautiful about her that can't be described (when in siren form).

I'm looking forward to the canonical fleshing-out of the mortal races that Penth has listed.

[Zix]

I haven't touched my description in a long time, since there was another topic about it. I wrote it more or less when I started playing Achaea. It needs a change since I don't spend most of my time in caves anymore. Still a lot in Hashan, though.

[Dwarf thing] and is small, even for a dwarf. His hair an beard are black, both going down to his waist. He is a little slim, with pale skin, and his complexion looks weaker that the average one for dwarves. He has tattoos in both of his hands, which are exceptionally big, like his eyes. These, like his hair, are completely black.

Halp mi native/good englash speekerrs.

[flair]

Can Flair be made any more beautiful than this? Probably not, but I thought I'd see.

He is a Chaos Lord and is a grotesquely fat amphibian. His nearly pitch black
skin glistens with a putrid slime that smells of infection. A blubbery waddle
of double chin hangs like a flabby membrane underneath a slobbering mouth. His
fat, sausage like webbed fingers are adorned with long flaky, yellow nails. His face has
been warped beyond repair from years of Chaotic and Entropic study, and beady, fish-coloured
eyes stare blankly into nothing. The mark of the twin, "II", glows faintly upon his forehead, seeping pus.

I thought about adding boobies to Flair's desription as well, but we can just assume they're there.

[erisycthon]

I haven't touched my description in a long time, since there was another topic about it. I wrote it more or less when I started playing Achaea. It needs a change since I don't spend most of my time in caves anymore. Still a lot in Hashan, though.

[Dwarf thing] and is small, even for a dwarf. His black hair and beard are black, both going reach down to his waist. He is a little slim, with pale skin, and his complexion looks weaker that the average one for dwarves. He has tattoos in both of his rather large hands, which are exceptionally big, like his eyes. These, like his hair, are completely black.

Halp mi native/good englash speekerrs.

The italicized are things I have questions about. Other than that, the format's the same as Rho's earlier post.

What do you mean by 'weak' complexion? Forgive my ignorance, but I haven't heard the term used before. If you mean he's pale, you've already said that. Otherwise, I have no idea what to say.

What are they tattoos of? Little details like that really help to flesh out the appearance.

What are black? The tattoos? Your eyes? Black eyes, aside from being creepy-looking, are also the sort of thing you'd need to explain anyway. A natural eye color is usually the best, and there should be a reason for your eyes to be abyssal pits.

Edit @ Flair: I'd tap that.

This post has been edited by erisycthon: Jul 31 2007, 01:23 AM