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Descriptions Wanted 1.0

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  • KresslackKresslack Florida, United StatesPosts: 5,635Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Exactly right.


     


  • TahquilTahquil Posts: 3,745Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    edited April 12
    Sharp, suspicious, predator, narrow, accusitory, keen,
  • KalilaKalila Posts: 86Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    I'd love some comments too, if anyone wants!

    She is a lizard-like xoran. Two cresting fins rise proudly from her temples, going around her head
    and down her neck; they grow less pronounced as they go lower, merging fully with the rest of her
    scales between her shoulderblades. Her tail is a foot across at the base and narrowing to a whip-
    point, long enough to flick against the floor but not enough to drag. Wide, stunning emerald eyes
    stare out curiously at the world, perched above a short, delicate snout. In contrast to those fine
    features, a jagged scar runs down the right side of her face, well-healed and not recent but still
    and always a wound. A firmamental casing of scales protects her; their colour ranges from ivory on
    her stomach and the underside of her tail, to navy blue on her upper back, with clear cerulean
    predominant on her face. She stands at a typical height for Xorani, a shade over six feet tall; her
    figure is not quite filled out to match, with some definite muscle on her limbs and trunk but not
    enough to be a hulking presence - she is light on her feet and doesn't lack for youthful energy.

    Virgo
  • VirgoVirgo Posts: 62Member ✭✭ - Stalwart
    Kresslack said:
    Ok, so currently can only access the forums from home where I'm already logged in. In any case...

    What I was going for was kind of a narrowed eyes type of look of someone who has spent most of their time out in the sun. It never occurred to me that 'hawkish' was an adjective in reference to the beak, so that's a bit h-awkward.

    If you've ever seen Tombstone with Kurt Russel, this is what I was wanting:



    Any suggestions?
    narrowed to a hawkish visage as he carefully surveys his surroundings

    " . . . narrowed to a predatory gaze as he carefully surveys his surroundings." 

    " . . . narrowed to a dangerously vigilant gaze as he carefully surveys his surroundings." @Kresslack


  • KryptonKrypton shi-KhurenaPosts: 2,161Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    "beady, squinty-eyed gaze"
    (Mhaldor): Herenicus says, "Apologies, I am in-and-out of hold with Verizon wireless customer service."
    Virgo
  • KenwayKenway San FranciscoPosts: 1,123Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Kenway said:
    Not really comfortable with my writing ability and worried this might sound weird cause it's a thrice(maybe more) modified version of my very first description. Have at it please!

    He is a human. Standing at six feet tall he is well built, with strong, broad shoulders and arms that terminate in calloused hands, criss-crossed with small scars. His hair is dirty blond, cropped close and clean about the temple whilst atop his head it grows free in untamed tangles. His distant eyes are a piercing blue, flecked with gold, small wrinkles sit in their corners, his cheeks worn and scarred by battle and the elements. His beard is short and trim, broken on the left side by a thin but jagged scar running from chin to cheekbone. A small slice has been taken out of his right ear, and the subtle arch of his right eyebrow is broken by the light tissue of an old cut, evidence of some long ago spar gone awry. On closer inspection, his left extremities are almost entirely pale and mutilated scar tissue, their flesh once charred by some fearsome flame.
    Believe this was missed amongst discussions of hawkishness. Have at it plz

    - Limb Counter - Fracture Relapsing -
    "Honestly, I just love that it counts limbs." - Mizik Corten
  • VirgoVirgo Posts: 62Member ✭✭ - Stalwart
    Kenway said:
    Kenway said:
    Not really comfortable with my writing ability and worried this might sound weird cause it's a thrice(maybe more) modified version of my very first description. Have at it please!

    He is a human. Standing at six feet tall he is well built, with strong, broad shoulders and arms [1] that terminate in calloused hands, criss-crossed with small scars. His hair is dirty blond, cropped close and clean about the temple whilst atop his head it grows free in untamed tangles. [2] His distant eyes are a piercing blue, flecked with gold, small wrinkles sit in their corners, [3] his cheeks worn and scarred by battle and the elements. His beard is short and trim, broken on the left side by a thin but [4] jagged scar running from chin to cheekbone. A small slice has been taken out of his right ear, and the subtle arch of his right eyebrow is broken by the light tissue of an old cut, evidence of some long ago spar gone awry. On closer inspection, his left extremities are almost entirely pale and mutilated scar tissue, their flesh once charred by some fearsome flame.
    Believe this was missed amongst discussions of hawkishness. Have at it plz
    1. I'll suggest either adding a comma for "Standing at six feet tall, he is well built..." OR removing "he is well built" (it would still require a comma) for "Standing at six feet tall, he possesses strong, broad shoulders and arms..." That way, instead of outright saying he is well built, we can read about his general strength and broadness and go, "Oh, this fella is stronk, yanno?"

    2. The wording around where the hair is cut is a bit awkward. If I'm thinking of it right, he's got the hairstyle that's still pretty popular with white males these days, where it's cut low on the sides and back, and the top is longer and curly?

    3. Also just general wording awkwardness here. I'd suggest something along the lines of "His gold-flecked blue eyes seem a bit distant, their corners slightly wrinkled from frequent [smiles/frowns/age/whatever], while his cheeks...."

    4. This should be and or a comma, as the fact that the scar is thin doesn't have much to do with its straightness. A thin scar could be super straight or super jagged or curving or whatever other ways. @Kenway

    Kalila said:
    I'd love some comments too, if anyone wants!

    She is a lizard-like xoran. Two cresting fins rise proudly from her temples, going around her head
    and down her neck; they grow less pronounced as they go lower, merging fully with the rest of her
    scales between her shoulderblades. Her tail is a foot across at the base and narrowing [1] to a whip-
    point, long enough to flick against the floor but not enough to drag. Wide, stunning emerald eyes
    stare out curiously at the world, perched above a short, delicate snout. In contrast to those fine
    features, a jagged scar runs down the right side of her face, well-healed and not recent but still
    and always a wound [2]. A firmamental casing of scales [3] protects her; their colour ranges from ivory on
    her stomach and the underside of her tail, to navy blue on her upper back, with clear cerulean
    predominant on her face. She stands at a typical height for Xorani, a shade over six feet tall; her
    figure is not quite filled out to match, with some definite muscle on her limbs and trunk but not
    enough to be a hulking presence - she is light on her feet and doesn't lack for youthful energy.

    1. This should be "narrows". "Narrows" is one of those weird words in the weird English language that can also be a verb but something else (I forget what kind of word it can also be), but narrowing is entirely a verb. 

    2. This one is kind of awkwardly worded. The "still and always a wound" just jumps out as odd to me because we figured it's always going to be a wound, if we read about it. Also, the "not recent" part could be replaced with something better. I was thinking more along the lines of "... fine features, an old, jagged scar runs down the right side of her face, having healed well in times long past." The bold parts show better ways, imo, to show that it is pretty old, and the italics is something that could be deleted and still make a fine sentence. Generally speaking, people know scars are usually pretty old and healed, because they'd be either scabs and/or still bleeding/whatever, so these types of details are kinda irrelevant.

    3. I'm not sure what you mean by this.

    4. Since you say "typical height", you don't really need to specify her being a bit over six feet. You could leave it though, nothing wrong with it. @Kalila

  • KalilaKalila Posts: 86Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    Virgo said:
    Kenway said:
    Kenway said:
    Not really comfortable with my writing ability and worried this might sound weird cause it's a thrice(maybe more) modified version of my very first description. Have at it please!

    He is a human. Standing at six feet tall he is well built, with strong, broad shoulders and arms [1] that terminate in calloused hands, criss-crossed with small scars. His hair is dirty blond, cropped close and clean about the temple whilst atop his head it grows free in untamed tangles. [2] His distant eyes are a piercing blue, flecked with gold, small wrinkles sit in their corners, [3] his cheeks worn and scarred by battle and the elements. His beard is short and trim, broken on the left side by a thin but [4] jagged scar running from chin to cheekbone. A small slice has been taken out of his right ear, and the subtle arch of his right eyebrow is broken by the light tissue of an old cut, evidence of some long ago spar gone awry. On closer inspection, his left extremities are almost entirely pale and mutilated scar tissue, their flesh once charred by some fearsome flame.
    Believe this was missed amongst discussions of hawkishness. Have at it plz
    1. I'll suggest either adding a comma for "Standing at six feet tall, he is well built..." OR removing "he is well built" (it would still require a comma) for "Standing at six feet tall, he possesses strong, broad shoulders and arms..." That way, instead of outright saying he is well built, we can read about his general strength and broadness and go, "Oh, this fella is stronk, yanno?"

    2. The wording around where the hair is cut is a bit awkward. If I'm thinking of it right, he's got the hairstyle that's still pretty popular with white males these days, where it's cut low on the sides and back, and the top is longer and curly?

    3. Also just general wording awkwardness here. I'd suggest something along the lines of "His gold-flecked blue eyes seem a bit distant, their corners slightly wrinkled from frequent [smiles/frowns/age/whatever], while his cheeks...."

    4. This should be and or a comma, as the fact that the scar is thin doesn't have much to do with its straightness. A thin scar could be super straight or super jagged or curving or whatever other ways. @Kenway

    Kalila said:
    I'd love some comments too, if anyone wants!

    She is a lizard-like xoran. Two cresting fins rise proudly from her temples, going around her head
    and down her neck; they grow less pronounced as they go lower, merging fully with the rest of her
    scales between her shoulderblades. Her tail is a foot across at the base and narrowing [1] to a whip-
    point, long enough to flick against the floor but not enough to drag. Wide, stunning emerald eyes
    stare out curiously at the world, perched above a short, delicate snout. In contrast to those fine
    features, a jagged scar runs down the right side of her face, well-healed and not recent but still
    and always a wound [2]. A firmamental casing of scales [3] protects her; their colour ranges from ivory on
    her stomach and the underside of her tail, to navy blue on her upper back, with clear cerulean
    predominant on her face. She stands at a typical height for Xorani, a shade over six feet tall; her
    figure is not quite filled out to match, with some definite muscle on her limbs and trunk but not
    enough to be a hulking presence - she is light on her feet and doesn't lack for youthful energy.

    1. This should be "narrows". "Narrows" is one of those weird words in the weird English language that can also be a verb but something else (I forget what kind of word it can also be), but narrowing is entirely a verb. 

    2. This one is kind of awkwardly worded. The "still and always a wound" just jumps out as odd to me because we figured it's always going to be a wound, if we read about it. Also, the "not recent" part could be replaced with something better. I was thinking more along the lines of "... fine features, an old, jagged scar runs down the right side of her face, having healed well in times long past." The bold parts show better ways, imo, to show that it is pretty old, and the italics is something that could be deleted and still make a fine sentence. Generally speaking, people know scars are usually pretty old and healed, because they'd be either scabs and/or still bleeding/whatever, so these types of details are kinda irrelevant.

    3. I'm not sure what you mean by this.

    4. Since you say "typical height", you don't really need to specify her being a bit over six feet. You could leave it though, nothing wrong with it. @Kalila

    Thanks a lot for the feedback!

    I ended up specifying the height, because people were too lazy to read HELP XORANI, to figure out what the typical height for the race was, and assumed she was 4-5 feet. It got annoying :pensive:
    Virgo
  • VirgoVirgo Posts: 62Member ✭✭ - Stalwart
    Kalila said:
    Virgo said:
    Kenway said:
    Kenway said:
    Not really comfortable with my writing ability and worried this might sound weird cause it's a thrice(maybe more) modified version of my very first description. Have at it please!

    He is a human. Standing at six feet tall he is well built, with strong, broad shoulders and arms [1] that terminate in calloused hands, criss-crossed with small scars. His hair is dirty blond, cropped close and clean about the temple whilst atop his head it grows free in untamed tangles. [2] His distant eyes are a piercing blue, flecked with gold, small wrinkles sit in their corners, [3] his cheeks worn and scarred by battle and the elements. His beard is short and trim, broken on the left side by a thin but [4] jagged scar running from chin to cheekbone. A small slice has been taken out of his right ear, and the subtle arch of his right eyebrow is broken by the light tissue of an old cut, evidence of some long ago spar gone awry. On closer inspection, his left extremities are almost entirely pale and mutilated scar tissue, their flesh once charred by some fearsome flame.
    Believe this was missed amongst discussions of hawkishness. Have at it plz
    1. I'll suggest either adding a comma for "Standing at six feet tall, he is well built..." OR removing "he is well built" (it would still require a comma) for "Standing at six feet tall, he possesses strong, broad shoulders and arms..." That way, instead of outright saying he is well built, we can read about his general strength and broadness and go, "Oh, this fella is stronk, yanno?"

    2. The wording around where the hair is cut is a bit awkward. If I'm thinking of it right, he's got the hairstyle that's still pretty popular with white males these days, where it's cut low on the sides and back, and the top is longer and curly?

    3. Also just general wording awkwardness here. I'd suggest something along the lines of "His gold-flecked blue eyes seem a bit distant, their corners slightly wrinkled from frequent [smiles/frowns/age/whatever], while his cheeks...."

    4. This should be and or a comma, as the fact that the scar is thin doesn't have much to do with its straightness. A thin scar could be super straight or super jagged or curving or whatever other ways. @Kenway

    Kalila said:
    I'd love some comments too, if anyone wants!

    She is a lizard-like xoran. Two cresting fins rise proudly from her temples, going around her head
    and down her neck; they grow less pronounced as they go lower, merging fully with the rest of her
    scales between her shoulderblades. Her tail is a foot across at the base and narrowing [1] to a whip-
    point, long enough to flick against the floor but not enough to drag. Wide, stunning emerald eyes
    stare out curiously at the world, perched above a short, delicate snout. In contrast to those fine
    features, a jagged scar runs down the right side of her face, well-healed and not recent but still
    and always a wound [2]. A firmamental casing of scales [3] protects her; their colour ranges from ivory on
    her stomach and the underside of her tail, to navy blue on her upper back, with clear cerulean
    predominant on her face. She stands at a typical height for Xorani, a shade over six feet tall; her
    figure is not quite filled out to match, with some definite muscle on her limbs and trunk but not
    enough to be a hulking presence - she is light on her feet and doesn't lack for youthful energy.

    1. This should be "narrows". "Narrows" is one of those weird words in the weird English language that can also be a verb but something else (I forget what kind of word it can also be), but narrowing is entirely a verb. 

    2. This one is kind of awkwardly worded. The "still and always a wound" just jumps out as odd to me because we figured it's always going to be a wound, if we read about it. Also, the "not recent" part could be replaced with something better. I was thinking more along the lines of "... fine features, an old, jagged scar runs down the right side of her face, having healed well in times long past." The bold parts show better ways, imo, to show that it is pretty old, and the italics is something that could be deleted and still make a fine sentence. Generally speaking, people know scars are usually pretty old and healed, because they'd be either scabs and/or still bleeding/whatever, so these types of details are kinda irrelevant.

    3. I'm not sure what you mean by this.

    4. Since you say "typical height", you don't really need to specify her being a bit over six feet. You could leave it though, nothing wrong with it. @Kalila

    Thanks a lot for the feedback!

    I ended up specifying the height, because people were too lazy to read HELP XORANI, to figure out what the typical height for the race was, and assumed she was 4-5 feet. It got annoying :pensive:
    Lol, people not reading in a text based game? The nerve xD
  • SeverinaSeverina Posts: 91Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    Kalila said:

    Thanks a lot for the feedback! 

    I ended up specifying the height, because people were too lazy to read HELP XORANI, to figure out what the typical height for the race was, and assumed she was 4-5 feet. It got annoying :pensive:
    But Xorani are so small..
  • KalilaKalila Posts: 86Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    Severina said:
    Kalila said:

    Thanks a lot for the feedback! 

    I ended up specifying the height, because people were too lazy to read HELP XORANI, to figure out what the typical height for the race was, and assumed she was 4-5 feet. It got annoying :pensive:
    But Xorani are so small..
    Oh gosh, there's no escape from you :heart:
    Severina
  • TreyTrey Posts: 4,503Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Kenway said:
    Kresslack said:
    Ok, so currently can only access the forums from home where I'm already logged in. In any case...

    What I was going for was kind of a narrowed eyes type of look of someone who has spent most of their time out in the sun. It never occurred to me that 'hawkish' was an adjective in reference to the beak, so that's a bit h-awkward.

    If you've ever seen Tombstone with Kurt Russel, this is what I was wanting:



    Any suggestions?
    Holy shit that's a fantastic film. My dear, you've set your gaze upon the quintessential frontier type. Note the lean silhouette... eyes closed by the sun, though sharp as a hawk. He's got the look of both predator and prey.
    Why Ed, does this mean we're not friends anymore? You know Ed, if I thought you weren't my friend... I just don't think I could bear it. 

    Kresslack
  • ZenithZenith Posts: 10Member
    I'd love to hear any suggestions or areas of improvement here. I'll probably expand this as Zenith experiences more of the world--it's a very straightforward description currently.
    He is a human of tall stature and thin build. Though his frame is narrow, Zenith's muscles are well-toned and suggest a very active lifestyle. His skin is mostly unblemished and sports a faint tan. Thin, unkempt hair tumbles down just above his eyebrows, with silky brown curls in a constant state of disarray. His thin face is youthful and clean-shaven, and his brown eyes often have a lively sparkle to them. He exudes an air of innocence that doesn't quite match the dignified, upright posture he often carries himself with. 
  • VirgoVirgo Posts: 62Member ✭✭ - Stalwart
    Zenith said:
    I'd love to hear any suggestions or areas of improvement here. I'll probably expand this as Zenith experiences more of the world--it's a very straightforward description currently.
    He is a human of tall stature and thin build. Though his frame is narrow, Zenith's muscles are well-toned and suggest a very active lifestyle. His skin is mostly unblemished and sports a faint tan. Thin, unkempt hair tumbles down just above his eyebrows, with [1] silky brown curls in a constant state of disarray. His thin face is youthful and clean-shaven, and his brown eyes often have a lively sparkle to them. He exudes an air of innocence that doesn't quite match the dignified, upright posture he often carries himself with. 
    @Zenith Honestly, not much to say. I like the simplicity, and he really does seem like a blank canvas just waiting to be painted on (IE, experience appearance-influencing RP). I get a clear mental picture of a rather normal looking, decently athletic kid. Which, tbtf, isn't a normal image around here, lol. 

    1. This should be 'his', 'the', or nothing at all. "With" would mean that the majority of his hair isn't brown, and the ones that we do know the color of are like highlights. 


    On an entirely seperate note, my slightly updated description that I wasn't able to get some feedback on last time I posted.

    He is a winged atavian, an acrobatically built young man who stands at an inch or three above six feet. His light-brown skin is reminiscent of caramel, lightly shining with the vitality of youthful energy. Slightly upturned and heavily lidded, his hazel eyes oft lazily wander the vicinity, and his thick eyebrows are nearly perpetually furrowed in some incomprehensible emotion. His handsome visage is crafted of sharp angles and lines, the Mhaldorian's chiseled jawline tapering to a slightly rounded chin. The entire right half of his face is wholly hidden behind a mask of liquid obsidian, the material melded so with his skin that everything from his lavish sable lashes to his thick, shapely lips stand out in stark relief. Peppered across his slim nose and high cheekbones are dark freckles, virtually ebony in hue. Lightly gleaming with a light brown lustre, Virgo's mess of thick, lucious and dusky hazelnut curls brush his forehead, only long enough to cover the tips of his slightly pointed, elongated ears. Imposing wings of platinum feathers tower more than two heads above his own, strength and power evident in each flutter and twitch.
  • NazihkNazihk Posts: 743Member ✭✭✭✭✭ - Grand Achaean
    Zenith said:
    I'd love to hear any suggestions or areas of improvement here. I'll probably expand this as Zenith experiences more of the world--it's a very straightforward description currently.
    He is a human of tall stature and thin build. Though his frame is narrow, Zenith's muscles are well-toned and suggest a very active lifestyle. His skin is mostly unblemished and sports a faint tan. Thin, unkempt hair tumbles down just above his eyebrows, with silky brown curls in a constant state of disarray. His thin face is youthful and clean-shaven, and his brown eyes often have a lively sparkle to them. He exudes an air of innocence that doesn't quite match the dignified, upright posture he often carries himself with. 
    I like this style desc. Short and sweet. Tells me what you look like. Doesn't break out the Color Thesaurus. Doesn't give me half a screen of overwrought purple prose. Aside from that with->his change, A+ imo. 
  • DaeirDaeir AustraliaPosts: 6,259Member, Secret Squirrel @@ - Legendary Achaean
    edited April 17
    I'd explicitly make the exuding portion refer to the contrast of features vs posture to imply the dissonance between innocence and dignity rather than expecting readers to make the leap themselves. If you have to use "quite" or nonspecifics in lines referring to abstract concepts of contrast then they're usually hamfisted and lost on 98% of people, from my experience.

    Good overall, though. Better than lots.
  • VallieVallie Posts: 245Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    @Kalila - yaayyy Xorans <333! 3 minor things I would poke at - 'going around her head' to me initially implies they're sort of circling her like a crown. You could use something like 'running the length of her head', 'cresting the crown of her head before running down her neck', or so on. Nothing explicitly wrong, just a connotative difference (might just be me).

    Secondly, 'stunning emerald eyes' - to me this implies that the eyes themselves are stunning, but I think typically you mean that the colour is stunning, so I would move towards 'stunningly emerald eyes' so it targets the colour. There's also a minor connotative difference that removes the implication the eyes themselves stun you (in a violent sense) vs. look pretty.

    "She stands at a typical height for Xorani, a shade over six feet tall; her
    figure is not quite filled out to match, with some definite muscle on her limbs and trunk but not
    enough to be a hulking presence - she is light on her feet and doesn't lack for youthful energy."
    You're using a ;, a -, and but in the same 'sentence', which is sorta splitting it almost four ways which breaks up the flow a lot. I would probably split this into two instead, or use a ;/- break further on since they're harder breaks.
    "She stands at a typical height for Xorani, a shade over six feet tall, with definite muscle on her limbs and trunk - but not enough to be a hulking presence. Light on her feet, she doesn't lack for youthful energy."

    @Kenway - I really should stare at city mates more, my mental image of Kenway is like a POTC thing 'cause of forum picture. Besides stuff already mentioned -
    You start three sentences with 'His' in a row. You could open the beard one with something like "A thin, jagged scar runs from chin to cheekbone, breaking a short, trim beard." For the left extremities bit, I would replace the 'theirs' with 'the', since it's sort of an unnecessary second layer of possessiveness being attributed. Pretty minor, but you save a half-syllable in flow (their vs. the) and get to the fun flame part faster. I think there's some poetic meter you could play with here too, but I always forget the exact names - say 'the flesh once charred by fearsome flame', and it feels like it rolls better than 'their flesh once charred by some fearsome flame'.

    @Zenith - I like it, think you nailed it with short and sweet like everyone's mentioned! Instead of ending the eye sentence with 'to them', you could invert that part of the sentence with something like 'His thin face is youthful and clean-shaven, and there's often a lively sparkle in his brown eyes.'

    @Virgo - I get a pretty striking mental image off of this, so good job! I'm also definitely a fan of gently bending standard phrases like 'inch or two' to 'inch or three', makes me happy.
    When you're referring to his skin 'lightly shining', I would probably change this to 'aglow' - it connotes less strongly that the skin is physically emitting light. Would probably then want to change that part to 'aglow with the vitality of youth'.
    Since you're going into the mask after talking immediately about his face, you can refer to the previous sentence without having to redefine what the subject is - "The entire right half is [mask here]", you can cut out the of his face part.
    "Lightly gleaming with a light brown lustre" - I think, cut out the first lightly? Or I would look for a different pair of adjectives so you don't have lightly followed so soon by light.
    For the wings, I would probably change flutter to something else - you're talking about how strong they are, and a flutter is usually used to show delicate/gentle. Nothing wrong here either, but I'd be inclined to go for a more powerful motion.
    KalilaVirgoShirszaeKyrra
  • RialournRialourn Posts: 1Member
    I'm horrible at describing or explaning things, but one reason I currently lack a description, and something I suppose is a matter of preferance, is the difference between most players descriptions and non-players.

    There are many examples of players descriptions within this thread and of course IG, so I will post some from NPC's instead.

    _________

    A Runic Knight

    Mounted atop a mighty snow tiger, this noble knight grasps a pair of frost-rimed broadswords in his hands as he casts a protective gaze over his surroundings. Respectable in appearance, his dark hair and warm brown eyes are offset by the vivid cerulean of his attire. A heavy woollen cloak and finely forged full plate each bear the mark of a Warden: a beautifully etched falcon soaring across a golden field, a runeblade clutched in its gleaming talons. A braided leather lead dangles from his remarkable steed's neck, its length looped in a trusting, almost absent-minded fashion around his wrist.


    Jorj

    A rather large, heavily built man, Jorj would be quite a figure if his body were not twisted and distorted in a most unnatural manner. A large hump rises from his back causing his neck and head to jut forward, rather than upward as most men's do. One half of his face appears to be paralysed and he seems to be unable to open his eye on that side. He leans heavily on his broom when he stops to rest, but moves with surprising speed and agility.


    A Pretty Young Girl

    Someone obviously takes great pride in this little girl's appearance, though it's clearly not her. Fantine's shining black hair has been carefully combed, braided and tied with a bright blue ribbon, clearly chosen to match her eyes. However, it is now tangled with bits of leaves and twigs. The hem of her lovely woollen frock is torn and crusted with mud and it's impossible to tell what colour her leather shoes were when she put them on.


    Bruggio, The Blacksmith

    Long hours of labour have hardened Bruggio's muscles and sculpted him into a fine specimen of a human male. He is wearing only a pair of loose-fitting drawstring pants and his muscular chest and bulging arms gleam with sweat in the light from his forge. His face is cheerful and kind, with thick brows over blue eyes ringed with equally thick dark lashes. His wide mouth is often grinning, even while he works, as an amusing thought pops into his active mind, revealing a charming dimple in his left cheek. His untidy dark hair, damp from the sweat of exertion, is plastered to his forehead and neck.


    Kaethryn, The Dominatrix

    This beautiful woman is the mistress of the House of Delights and her midnight-black hair is wreathed about her shoulders delicately. She wears a shiny, sable leather outfit that clings to her body like a second skin, wrapping around the curves of her copious features leaving little to the imagination. A pair of spiked-heeled boots and a vicious leather whip completes the ensemble.

    A Court Constable

    Dressed in neat livery, this constable is distinguished by a friendly, open demeanour, twinkling brown eyes regarding his surroundings with an air of faint amusement. His uniform is a bright navy blue, with golden buttons adorning formal jacket and trousers. Black brogue shoes complete the image of a fastidious servant, shined to a mirror-like sheen. The crisp, white shirt he wears is fastened at the wrists with a pair of golden cufflinks in the shape of a crown. As he stands on guard, the constable twirls his baton of office, a sturdy piece of thick wood capable of delivering a hefty blow.

    Ta'ya, A Young Tsol'aa

    Ta'ya, a young Tsol'aa of petite stature, meanders slowly here, scanning the ground intently. Her smooth skin is tanned a light brown, and a pair of brilliant green eyes are spaced widely in her pretty face. Framed by a few thick locks of brown hair secured with a small piece of azure leather, her face is further accentuated by a petite, freckled nose and a small, pink mouth. She is wearing a bright blue-and-silver, ankle-length peasant dress, a fluffy white apron tied around her waist, the pockets of which are completely stuffed with unseen treasures and hiding her small, bare feet from sight.

    ________

    These are just a few quick examples, I haven't really taken the time to truly look around and find any favorites, so I would appreciate it if people would post some more interesting ones.

    I'm also currently looking for inspirations for my own character and plan to return and ask for aid with my own description soon.
    TruaxVallie
  • ExelethrilExelethril moar theta decayPosts: 3,105Member @@ - Legendary Achaean
    edited October 6
    If it helps, here are two of mine. Still working on Horkvali/Dwarf/Grook ones

    Xoran
    Bestial and enormous in stature, rows of horn-like spikes cover the back of this lizard. Serpentine, copper-toned scales run down this creature's sides and sinewy limbs which conclude in sharp claws. From above a long snout, his glassy, elliptical dark blue eyes are vigilant and exude a discerning instinct. His thick tail is barbed and grievously keen, like his pointed teeth. A faded, verdant entwining vine is tattooed with intricate ornamentation upon the scales of his left forearm, leading to a thistle-shaped scar upon his palm. 

    Human
    Rugged and lean in appearance, faint traces of the wilds betray this man's past. Swept coarsely across his face, dark auburn hair of medium length frames an elegant profile - marred by a verdant-hued scar that runs across his cheek. His dark blue eyes are perceptive and exude a discerning instinct while his casual air attests to a quiet confidence. Healthy and tall in appearance, his frame is taut with sinewy muscle, lending him a warrior's disposition. His olive skin has been graced by the sun and is unblemished, save for his left forearm - upon which a verdant entwining vine is tattooed with intricate ornamentation, leading to a thistle-shaped scar upon his palm. 


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  • ThalakThalak Posts: 43Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    This is a very old description, as my current description is crap and not thought out at all. But this old description is for Horkval, if you want some ideas @Exelethril

    and shines, gleaming with a dull red. His epidermis, while hard, is scratched and dull, warping the light across the dents and dings. His face, at first lost among the slick shapes of his exoskeleton, is more a representation of humanity than actual physical features. A curve which might be likened to a mouth turns above his mandibles in a symmetrical crescent, and a pointed nose of sharp keratin curls upwards. His body is twisted into its separate parts of thorax and abdomen, supported by thick, willowy legs, tense and prepared to spring. Sprouting from his thorax, his long, barbed arms end in a pair of hooked, humanoid hands. The sixth finger on each hand has been bound to the fifth in an attempt to be more adaptable to Achaea's gloves.
    Exelethril
  • CaynixCaynix Posts: 34Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    Holy crap Exelethril those are some good ass descriptions. "Graced by the sun" is probably the classiest way to describe a tan that I've ever heard of.
    Exelethril
  • TelendriethTelendrieth Posts: 124Member ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    This thread reminded me of a description I saved aaages ago. I used to always look at nubs to see what they ended up describing themselves as. Here's a gem.

    look fistrator
    He is a lizard-like Xoran and is <a white aura is sorrunding this man. He is in a non stop fight against evil>. He is wearing flowing amber robes, and a canvas backpack

    Like a lizard Goku.
    Sylphie
  • BendraenBendraen Posts: 1Member
    I am new, please be very gentle…

    He is a stout dwarf of average height, roughly four feet short. He is barrel chested with broad shoulders. He has a very well kept beard stretching just a few inches from his face, the deep auburn hair in neat waves. The hair atop his head is pulled back in a short tail tied with a strip of leather. His skin is a healthy ruddy color, the beginnings of a tan just touching his cheeks. Small eyes of a deep brown set just below his brow

    KyrraExelethril
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