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Descriptions Wanted 1.0

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  • NazihkNazihk Member Posts: 377 ✭✭✭✭ - Eminent
    Sorry, but that's just how it is. It would be cool to be a turtle-man, but that really isn't in the cards for here. "He is an X but is really a Y" won't really fly with most people.

    For what it's worth, though, I think the turtle desc was pretty solid and it would be good if we had a turtle race. The only real problem with it is that we don't have a turtle race.
    TahquilAereidhnaVallieShirszae
  • MinifieMinifie Member Posts: 737 ✭✭✭✭✭ - Grand Achaean
    From a personal "what am I ok with" standpoint is to also think of your parental races, since these aren't recessive genes, surely your parents have some form of effect on your appearance, but turtle-grook is somewhat of a no-no because why are you more turtle? Where did that come from?

    You can be a grook with some more defining humanistic features, or a human with some grook-like characteristics too, as long as you aren't pulling too hard at the fabric of plausibility. This means, as a Siren, I could have a few grook like qualities since min's birth father is a grook, but I wouldn't be a siren with raja features with a atavian-grook parents. 

    Some people are a little more fierce on this, saying grook=grook NO OTHER FEATURES YOU JERK, but personally I think as long as it CAN make logical sense, go with it.
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  • ExelethrilExelethril EleusisMember Posts: 2,840 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    I guess Junnan likes turtles

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  • TreyTrey Member Posts: 4,150 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    I guess Junnan likes turtles
         

    ExelethrilHalos
  • TahquilTahquil Member Posts: 3,404 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    edited January 15
    There use to be a help file that said that due to cross breeding of the generations a Rajamalan and Atavian parents can give birth to a Xoran baby. However, there is no such thing as a half-and-half children with wings and kitty ears.  Your biology picks one race to express and supresses eveything else.
    AhmetAereidhna
  • ExelethrilExelethril EleusisMember Posts: 2,840 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Trey said:
    I guess Junnan likes turtles
    youtube   
    (that was the meme I was implying)

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  • MinifieMinifie Member Posts: 737 ✭✭✭✭✭ - Grand Achaean
    Tahquil said:
    There use to be a help file that said that due to cross breeding of the generations a Rajamalan and Atavian parents can give birth to a Xoran baby. However, there is no such thing as a half-and-half children with wings and kitty ears.  Your biology picks one race to express and supresses eveything else.
    There is a massive difference between xoran's with wings and human's with minor traits relative to grooks, such as croaking. I mean, I wouldn't expect an atavian/rajamala to give birth to a raja with wings and human traits, but an atavian with a bit of fur? I can't see any problem with it, if anything, I see it as more creative, otherwise, I'd rather just buy a gem and just go the @Jhui route :P
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  • AhmetAhmet Wherever I wanna beMember Posts: 2,713 @ - Epic Achaean
    edited January 15
    Crossbreeds have never really been a thing (for players, at least). They're the extremely rare exception, not the rule, and they've almost entirely been reserved for denizens, though I feel like crossbred traits are one of those things that are never really going to die out (much like tsol'aa ear mutilation, atavian butterfly/bat wings, sirens with bosoms that make everyone drool just by looking at them, etc etc).
    Huh. Neat.
  • TahquilTahquil Member Posts: 3,404 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    @sarapis @Tecton @Nicola
    Admin stance on crossbreeds? Or adventurers of one race displaying physical traits that would be uniquely identifying as another race(s)?
  • NicolaNicola Administrator Posts: 416 Achaean staff
    The Tsol'teth worked for centuries to perfect the art of altering the ribbons of spiral creation within creatures to create blending for their glorious purposes, and each new aspect they want to add or base they want to alter is an entirely new journey of scientific discovery (and often repeated failure.)

    You will see hybrid creatures in the Underrealm, no it's not possible to just 'make it happen' or have it stem from different race parents, two Achaeans going about the onerous task of creating offspring will create something of a particular race, not always necessarily matching the races of the parents involved, although this might be a cuckoo situation!

    TL;DR We don't support blending in denizens via simple breeding.
    Tahquil
  • AegothAegoth Member Posts: 1,799 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Well, according to this last event, crossbreeding makes gods
    AereidhnaRileyValaria
  • ZerachielZerachiel Member Posts: 5
    edited March 9
    I am really bad at longform, because I tend to be very terse and to-the-point, both IRL and in text. I would very much like help making sure I'm not being flowery for the sake of filling space (and also help limit Mary-Sueishness):

    She would say she was vertically challenged, though she stands slightly more than 5 feet. Rather stout for one such as, generous in the hips and not so above. Free-flowing waist-length locks, a rich titian hue save for the one inch-thick stripe of silver down the left, part midway to frame high cheekbones and glinting golden brimstone orbs accentuated by her creamy complexion. Under her well-proportioned, aquiline nose sits two florid lips, plump like slices of pink grapefruit, under the right corner of which is nestled one single offending freckle. Voluminous, argentine feathers coat her wings, which are tucked neatly at her sides when not in use.


  • MelainaMelaina Member Posts: 32 ✭✭✭ - Distinguished
    @Zerachiel

    She would say she was vertically challenged, though she stands slightly more than 5 feet.
    Nobody can know how she would describe herself just by looking at her.
    Rather stout for one such as, generous in the hips and not so above.
    This isn't a sentence. Also, I think you mean 'one such as her'.
    Free-flowing waist-length locks, a rich titian hue save for the one inch-thick stripe of silver down the left, part midway to frame high cheekbones and glinting golden brimstone orbs accentuated by her creamy complexion.
    I dislike the use of orbs instead of eyes, but that's personal preference.
    Under her well-proportioned, aquiline nose sits two florid lips, plump like slices of pink grapefruit, under the right corner of which is nestled one single offending freckle.
    Lips is plural, so sit not sits. I find this section very flowery.
    Voluminous, argentine feathers coat her wings, which are tucked neatly at her sides when not in use.
    Voluminous seems a strange word to use to describe feathers. They're big and floaty?
    Melaina Naftis - Spectral Arbiter of the Krymenian Academy
  • MinifieMinifie Member Posts: 737 ✭✭✭✭✭ - Grand Achaean
    Zerachiel said:
    I am really bad at longform, because I tend to be very terse and to-the-point, both IRL and in text. I would very much like help making sure I'm not being flowery for the sake of filling space (and also help limit Mary-Sueishness):

    She would say she was vertically challenged, though she stands slightly more than 5 feet. Rather stout for one such as, generous in the hips and not so above. Free-flowing waist-length locks, a rich titian hue save for the one inch-thick stripe of silver down the left, part midway to frame high cheekbones and glinting golden brimstone orbs accentuated by her creamy complexion. Under her well-proportioned, aquiline nose sits two florid lips, plump like slices of pink grapefruit, under the right corner of which is nestled one single offending freckle. Voluminous, argentine feathers coat her wings, which are tucked neatly at her sides when not in use.


    Hi, I'll give this a go if you like:

    She is of diminutive stature, standing a little over 5 feet tall. Disproportionately measured, her hips are generously elegant, while this shapeliness is not accentuated elsewhere. Flowing freely to her waist is her titian locks, minus a notable strain of pure silver through a small collective of strands on her left bangs. High cheekbones frame her delicate creamy complexion with piercing eyes of sunset gold. Her grapefruit-plump lips rest accutely below a nose of aquiline. Offending below her right lip is an endearing freckle, an additive of culture to her elegance. Noticible, but retracted, are wings covered in voluminous ivory feathers, imperfection not lost within.

    I'm not great with words but this paints a picture in my face similar to yours though.
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  • ZerachielZerachiel Member Posts: 5
    @Melaina

    She would say she was vertically challenged, though she stands slightly more than 5 feet.
    Nobody can know how she would describe herself just by looking at her.
    Rather stout for one such as, generous in the hips and not so above.
    This isn't a sentence. Also, I think you mean 'one such as her'.
    Free-flowing waist-length locks, a rich titian hue save for the one inch-thick stripe of silver down the left, part midway to frame high cheekbones and glinting golden brimstone orbs accentuated by her creamy complexion.
    I dislike the use of orbs instead of eyes, but that's personal preference.
    Under her well-proportioned, aquiline nose sits two florid lips, plump like slices of pink grapefruit, under the right corner of which is nestled one single offending freckle.
    Lips is plural, so sit not sits. I find this section very flowery.
    Voluminous, argentine feathers coat her wings, which are tucked neatly at her sides when not in use.
    Voluminous seems a strange word to use to describe feathers. They're big and floaty?

    @Minifie

    Hi, I'll give this a go if you like:

    She is of diminutive stature, standing a little over 5 feet tall. Disproportionately measured, her hips are generously elegant, while this shapeliness is not accentuated elsewhere. Flowing freely to her waist is her titian locks, minus a notable strain of pure silver through a small collective of strands on her left bangs. High cheekbones frame her delicate creamy complexion with piercing eyes of sunset gold. Her grapefruit-plump lips rest accutely below a nose of aquiline. Offending below her right lip is an endearing freckle, an additive of culture to her elegance. Noticible, but retracted, are wings covered in voluminous ivory feathers, imperfection not lost within.

    I'm not great with words but this paints a picture in my face similar to yours though.

    Yeah, see, this is where my desire to remain succinct gets me, because I will mash sentences together that shouldn't be just to save space.

    "One such as" vs "one such as her/she", this was strictly a grammatical flavor decision. I like the cadence of the sentence, but if it's outright wrong I'll change it.

    For voluminous, I was going for the clothing descriptor - "loose and ample".

    Eyes feels too simple. But I'd rather use "orbs" than "optics", especially since I'm describing them as brimstone, not like brimstone. But again, that's a personal grammatical flavor thing. Especially if it's just personal on your part, I'd like to keep that as it is.

    In any case, here's a revision, line by line.
    Rather stout for one such as, she is quite generous in the hips while not so above, and stands slightly over 5 feet.

    To her waist flow rich titian locks, with one inch-thick stream of silver spilling down the left side.

    Orbs of glinting brimstone and a stately aquiline nose are accentuated by a creamy complexion and high cheekbones.

    One chocolate freckle nests just under the right corner of her plush, pink lips.

    Her voluminous, argentine wings are tucked neatly at her sides when not in use.

  • KryptonKrypton Biology lab in the Lyceum, CyreneMember Posts: 1,575 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    That makes it sound like your whole eyeball, sclera and all, is yellow.
    (Mhaldor): Herenicus says, "Apologies, I am in-and-out of hold with Verizon wireless customer service."
  • SenaSena Member Posts: 3,714 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Using "orbs" in place of "eyes" is going to be hated by a lot of people, because of how extremely overused it is in amateur writing (particularly fanfiction and roleplaying). It's one of the more archetypical examples of purple prose.

    It's still a matter of personal preference, but I'd avoid it.
  • ZerachielZerachiel Member Posts: 5
    Is "Eyes of glinting brimstone aspect" better?
  • TahquilTahquil Member Posts: 3,404 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Be careful of the imagery you use. I get the feeling you wish to be dramatic in saying you have yellow eyes. However (to me at least) I go to the first thing I know about brimstone and read it as 'her eyes are a colour that makes them look like they would smell of rotten eggs'
    Melaina
  • OmorOmor Member Posts: 698 ✭✭✭✭ - Eminent
    I get confused every time I remember you're a female because @Mindshell has the same picture.
    Omor Ceberek - Targossas

    got gud
    Shirszae
  • NazihkNazihk Member Posts: 377 ✭✭✭✭ - Eminent
    Just say that you have yellow eyes.

    The biggest mistake that people make with descriptions, imo, is pulling out their Fancy Color Thesaurus. Can't have yellow eyes, they have to be "brimstone orbs". Hair isn't red, it's "mane of titian hues". Eyes aren't red either, they're the color of "sanguine merlot".

    Ditch the flowery crap imo. All that stuff really does is make it HARDER to make a mental image of the character. 
    Liyane
  • TahquilTahquil Member Posts: 3,404 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    I thought titian was white. At least that is what my paint tube said.
  • NazihkNazihk Member Posts: 377 ✭✭✭✭ - Eminent
    I had to google it and I got this:

    Titian hair - Wikipedia
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titian_hair
    Titian is a tint of red hair, most commonly described as brownish-orange in color.

    This is, btw, a great example of why you should ditch the Color Thesaurus and stick with the simple color names. 
  • KyrraKyrra Sanctum of the SkyMember Posts: 4,024 @@ - Legendary Achaean
    Nazihk said:
    I had to google it and I got this:

    Titian hair - Wikipedia
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titian_hair
    Titian is a tint of red hair, most commonly described as brownish-orange in color.

    This is, btw, a great example of why you should ditch the Color Thesaurus and stick with the simple color names. 
    I would have called that auburn personally.
    (D.M.A.): Cooper says, "Kyrra is either the most innocent person in the world, or the girl who uses the most innuendo seemingly unintentionally but really on purpose."

    Caelan
  • MinifieMinifie Member Posts: 737 ✭✭✭✭✭ - Grand Achaean
    Thing is using different descriptors to specify shades is good, but I always stick to more renown colours (crimson, sulphur, auburn for reds as example).

    Going as far north to be flowery as possible just makes it painful to read, especially since there are players with english as a second language (or those of us who have awful english skills anyway).
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